Why are you sad right now?

Discussion in 'Off-Topic' started by Alex Kenivel, May 28, 2014.

  1. High Plains Drifter

    High Plains Drifter ... drifting...

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    @p0ke - Really hope that you and your girl can get back on track soon. This past year has def presented everyone with completely new challenges and fears so it's not hard to see where you both are coming from. Keep communicating and keep listening to each other. Best to you and your family, brother.
     
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  2. TedEH

    TedEH Cromulent

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    Hold on - she's calling you the inconsiderate idiot for taking the vaccine? I mean, irony of that aside - taking a page from activists - it's your body, it's your choice. That whole paragraph sounds insanely paranoid - the kind of stuff you'd hear from someone with an anxiety disorder or something (I don't say that to be insensitive, maybe she actually does have some things to work through). Either way, relationship or not, anxiety or not, you're still your own person and my 2c is she has no right to dictate what you do, or to twist those choices into being about her. IMO don't let her treat you like a doormat. I can understand wanting to act as a unit and wanting to make choices as a pair, and wanting to be supportive of her anxieties, but there are limits. Hope you can work something out.
     
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  3. Demiurge

    Demiurge Intrepid Jackass

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    It seems that she was willing to make a unilateral decision for the household based on her opinion and unwilling to hear otherwise, so while ideally couples should try make decisions together, she's acting in bad faith.
     
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  4. p0ke

    p0ke 7-string guitard

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    Thanks for the replies guys. I'm happy to say we got it sorted.
    We had a long argument where neither of us made any sense, but in the end we got to the same wavelength. Apparently she didn't even realize how paranoid she was about the whole thing. Also we went beyond the matter and discussed what needs to improve in order for our family to stay together and healthy. (I need to be kinder towards the kids, mainly. I admit, I've been too strict since the start of the pandemic)
    ... And regarding the whole baby thing:
    Apparently the general vaccine rule of thumb is that you should wait a couple of months before trying to get pregnant (don't know if it's just for women or for both parties), but she came to the conclusion that my current semen probably aren't affected yet, and since apparently today is the day of the month when such things are likely to happen...

    I'm pretty sure the issue will resurface at some point as these things tend to do, but hopefully not in these proportions.
     
  5. bostjan

    bostjan MicroMetal Contributor

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    Now that things are "getting back to normal" now that we are in a different phase of the pandemic, it's really sinking in how much I've lost in the process. My dad had just a couple years before covid started, and then in the last couple months, that side of the extended family was devastated by either the virus or sudden unexplained debilitating health problems. My mom's side of the family was always really small- everyone had only one or two kids and they all waited until they were older to have kids, so I haven't been close to anyone on that side of the family for ten years, other than my mom. To top that all off, my wife had a sort of falling out with her family around the time we got married. That leaves me feeling pretty isolated and kind of sad that my toddler son will grow up with literally one extended family member being a part of his life.
     
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  6. Mathemagician

    Mathemagician SS.org Regular

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    I am really sorry for what you’re feeling right now. I can imagine that is a rough realization. You looking for advice or just looking to vent?
     
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  7. bostjan

    bostjan MicroMetal Contributor

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    Just venting, but advice is always appreciated.
     
  8. Ordacleaphobia

    Ordacleaphobia Shameless Contrarian

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    It might, it might not, who knows. What matters is that you guys cared enough to talk it out and fix it.
    The whole thing is new and 'different,' and different is scary. Most people aren't doctors or scientists and don't really have a full understanding of everything that goes into that thing. We can read what they tell us, but that isn't the full picture. Coupled with the societal pressure to take it, and with issues in that arena being the most common thing that detractors will talk about, it's easy to see how it could scare someone. Especially if they're as scared of the entire situation as it sounds like she is. Really can't fault either of you. Whole thing is just unfortunate.

    --

    At the moment, I'm going through quite a painful separation. We've been together for over 5 years now. It's so hard to explain.
    This relationship has been tainted and toxic almost since it's inception. One of those situations where as an outsider you can tell neither party is happy, and you constantly wonder how or why they're still together. I can go on all day about how this needed to end a long time ago, and how unhappy we both clearly were, and how we both were doing a disservice to each other by keeping things going for so long- but the fact of the matter is that despite knowing all of this, and being the one to ultimately call it off, this still hurts like hell.

    Because there's always good times too, you know? And on top of that, there was a lot of...trauma...that really bonded us together. I also did all of my 'growing up' in this relationship. Got my first real job. Bought my house. Discovered what it was to be an actual real member of society. It's extremely bitter to realize that nobody else will ever know me like that, and will never go through that with me. I know this is the right decision, but it still feels like I'm fucking my life up.

    And she isn't making it easy, either. We live together, but the house is mine. So while I'm waiting for her to move out, I'm still seeing her every day. And she won't stop begging me to call it off. Has been spending all day sifting through her phone and sending me old memories and photos of us from those good times. Keeps teeing up conversations to lead into a sucker punch intended to make me feel bad for her, and she's even played the 'I'm going to kill myself' card. The whole thing is being made to be as painful as it could possibly be. Which reinforces my conviction all the more, but at the same time...it really, really hurts to see all that. Especially since it leaves me with doubling down as my only answer, and I know that just hurts her more and more each time and despite all of the ugly shit she's done to me over the years, I really, really don't want to do that.

    I don't mean to shit the thread up with a bunch of esoteric melodrama that literally doesn't matter to or affect anybody else here, it's just...an awful lot right now. If any of you are in a similar situation, please, please walk away right now. I know you know that the longer you wait the harder it gets, I did too- but holy shit does it get hard.
     
  9. High Plains Drifter

    High Plains Drifter ... drifting...

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    You're not shitting up the thread and it's not melodrama. These are legitimate feelings and getting them out is absolutely understandable and justified. Please take care of yourself and remain true to what you feel is going to be best for you in the long-run. Much support and respect to you.
     
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  10. Mathemagician

    Mathemagician SS.org Regular

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    No worries man. I’m not a parent so full disclosure. So I would think that for your concern just getting him involved in team sports and various activities (band, extreme ironing, debate club whatever) at least through the rough middle school years would do a lot to help socialize them and help them make a few decent friends. By that point even if they don’t care for playing sports much later on, they’ve gotten out there and met other kids and made friends. It’s just a good habit to have.

    The more people you meet the more likely you are to find a few people you want to keep around after all.
     
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  11. bostjan

    bostjan MicroMetal Contributor

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    Thanks!

    Yeah, I was in pretty much every extracurricular activity possible growing up. We're trying to get him out of the house as much as possible, mainly because he spent almost all winter just in the house. Hopefully within the next year he'll be ready to do more outdoorsy stuff, so we can take him hiking at least.

    Of all the extended family he has, he's only ever met his surviving grandparents. Last time my wife's parents skyped with him was just about a year ago. My mom talks to him on the phone pretty much every week. Either way, I'm sure he'll remember very little of what's happening now by the time he's old enough to process any of it.

    BTW, what is extreme ironing? Like, ironing clothes?!

    I guess no one's childhood really went the way it should have on paper. I grew up in a poverty-stricken part of Detroit in the 1980's where two of my neighbours were shot by the police, the corner "party" store was robbed basically every day, and I was stabbed/mugged/carjacked. All of that stuff seemed like a normal part of life until I moved away and suddenly none of my coworkers had ever been stabbed, mugged, nor carjacked in their lives. But, at least I had a bunch of aunts, uncles, great-aunts, cousins, second cousins, and grandparents to fall back on any time things got rough for my mom and dad. Maybe my blues has as much to do with the realization that everyone is old now and all of that support structure in my life has rusted away from the passage of time as it has to do with seeing how my son will likely never really know most of his extended family. Maybe I should have thought of that before I moved away- and probably a lot of it has to do with the fact that we are definitely much older than most couples starting a family.
     
  12. p0ke

    p0ke 7-string guitard

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    It is, and it is a divisive matter for sure. She kept saying it's everyone's own choice before I took the vaccine, but afterwards she got so scared that she just couldn't take it and it exploded. But now we're basically back to normal, thank god.

    Regarding your situation: don't worry about shitting the thread. This is the perfect place to vent, and if someone doesn't want to read it, they can just ignore the whole thread.
    Just hang in there and let time heal the wounds. Of course it'll never be the same again, but a different kind of fine is always possible.

    This. Relatives are good to have as a safety net, but ultimately family isn't what kids will end up hanging out with. All sorts of activities and hobbies are good, because through them they'll learn how to interract with people, which makes it easier to get friends, and some friends become long term friends.
    Take my situation for example: thanks to my upbringing I get along with almost anyone. I became friends with a classmate here after moving in 2008, and later I became friends with his friends. A few of them ended up becoming basically my family away from my actual family, and I met my wife through them. It's a bit of a butterfly effect, but ultimately all a result of not being afraid of getting to know new people.
     
    Last edited: Jun 19, 2021
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  13. ImNotAhab

    ImNotAhab ChronicUnderachiever

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    It's 41C in Vancouver right now and I'm utterly miserable. We are in a freak high pressure zone and being from Ireland, I'm not designed for the heat. We have a portable AC and it's struggling against this oppressive wave of hellish oppression.

    We don't appreciate winter when we have it.
     
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  14. thebeesknees22

    thebeesknees22 SS.org Regular

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    It sounds brutal out there right now. So many of the apartments don't have A/C and down town is just an oven with all the buildings reflecting into each other. My first two apartments never had A/C in Vancouver, so I know the feeling all too well. Good luck friend! You just need to survive through Wednesday, and you'll be free! haha
     
  15. bostjan

    bostjan MicroMetal Contributor

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    Those portable AC's are trash.

    I can't even imagine what the West Coast is going through right now. 46 °C in Portland? Sounds like a nightmare to me. I don't think I had ever experienced anything even as high as 38 °C, and that was not my idea of a good time.

    I'd much rather deal with the winter here than the summer there. -40 °C nightly lows in Jan/Feb, but we can always just stay indoors and run the furnace. Sure everything outside turns to powder, but I'd rather stay inside an be halfway comfortable for two weeks than have nowhere to go and melt and not be able to sleep for 3-4 days.
     
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  16. KnightBrolaire

    KnightBrolaire only the dead have seen the end of GAS

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    I was in Portland a few weeks ago and it was like 30C. Most of the time I was in the PNW it barely broke 27C (when it wasn't raining anyways). I'm sure they're miserable up there because they basically don't get this kind of heat.

    I was in joshua tree/vegas a few days ago and it was around 41C at 0700 and 43 by 1200. At least in the PNW they have some tree/cloud coverage and water to mitigate the heat. Plus you can always go up to Rainier and play in the snow (there was still multiple feet of snow in the pass when I hiked up there a few weeks ago lol).
     
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  17. Ordacleaphobia

    Ordacleaphobia Shameless Contrarian

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    Yeah it's been over 110°F here pretty much every day for the last...two weeks? Something like that. Not unusual either, our summers here are brutal.
    I definitely agree. At least in winter you're just varying degrees of uncomfortable. Something about the heat just sucks the life out of me. Just so unmotivated to do....anything. Yardwork? lol. Leaving the house? Yeah right- my car is probably 130° right now and that black leather interior is hotter than the surface of the sun. I can still go out or do manual labor during the winter. Summer just makes me want to sit around and be a useless dirtbag all season.

    Granted- I've never lived in an area where the climate is routinely susceptible to subzero temperatures, but I've definitely always been more of a cold guy.
     
  18. p0ke

    p0ke 7-string guitard

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    Both extremes basically do the same thing though. In the summer you just want to sit under the AC all day and in the winter you just want to sit by the fireplace... That said, I'm more of a cold guy too. When it's cold you can always put more clothes on or burn some wood in the fireplace or whatever, but when it's super hot there isn't that much you can do about it. These days I have AC, but previously all I could do was open some windows and that really doesn't do much, especially when it's even hotter outside. And thanks to the climate here, the temperature doesn't drop that much even in the night. Might be around 30°C (86°F) in the day and then drop to just under 20° (68°F) in the night, which isn't enough to cool down properly.

    And damn, 110°F... That's like above 40°C. I'd probably die immediately in those temperatures :lol:
     
  19. bostjan

    bostjan MicroMetal Contributor

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    Just checked the high from yesterday in Portland - 46.7°C (116 °F). I think I would seriously potentially die if I was left outside in that heat.
    When it's -40°, you seriously need to stay inside. Setting foot outside for even a few seconds can have weird effects on the human body. Boogers and snot freeze in your nostrils. Couple that with the fact that the air becomes an irritant and you have a surgical mask made of frost covering your face within minutes.

    But walking from the house to the car isn't that bad, really, once you're used to it. Walking any more than a few hundred feet, though, it can actually literally be dangerous. There was some college student here a couple of years ago who tried to walk across a parking lot in that sort of weather, and he died. No previously known health conditions, it's just that once you stop moving for any reason, everything literally freezes up slowly, so it just keeps getting more difficult to move until you physically can't anymore.

    46.7 °C, I don't even know what would happen to me. I've never been in any climate like that. I just picture myself turning into a giant raisin.
     
  20. LordIronSpatula

    LordIronSpatula A series of interconnected fortune cookies.

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    Wow, that is absolutely bonkers. I thought it was supposed to be nicer up there than in northern CA, but we've stayed at a "reasonable" 110 F or under where I live.
     

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