What to do about pickups that don't fit in the route....

[RG570EX]

OP:"I suck at wordworking, and don't want to do this"
SSO: chisels and dremels

A nice wide flat head screwdriver or slot head turnscrew will make a decent chisel if you don't have a chisel lying about.

 

[CanserDYI]

I will go ahead and say if you score the line first and work your way closer and closer to the line with a chisel, it really is simple work, but again I'd never advocate surgery on the guitar when surgery on the pickup would make way more sense.