LostTheTone
Elegant Djentleman
Actually.... my plan B is to get some valium through my work healthcare because I know from experience that stuff works like a charm and there's like a 1% chance that I could actually get some if everything goes right because there's no chance in hell I get it from our glorious "free" healthcare since here in Finland all benzos are considered drugs of Satan (along weed) but we'll see how that goes... In the meantime, like you said I should start by trying to cut down on my daily beer dosage. Thanks for the advice anyway. Feels good to get this shit of my chest because there's literally no one irl that I can talk about this to.
The real problem with the real narcotics is they really do work. I never found valium to be much fun, but it definitely does its job.
I didn't see you were Finish man, the number of times my Swedish wife has told me how Finns are all drunk on home made moonshine, maybe I should have guessed

I don't get to talk about this stuff with real people either - I spend a weirdly large amount of my life talking with sex offenders, and yet I really can't go around telling people I've spent more of my life as an addict than a sober human. I have a career and a marriage and I need to stay that guy. And, well, my nerves are kinda fried because I haven't properly fixed up in a while and it helps to just throw thoughts out somewhere. It helps to not keep it inside my brain.
Just come yell if you need to man.