SS Love and Relationships Thread

Discussion in 'Off-Topic' started by SevenStringSam, Jun 17, 2010.

  1. c7spheres

    c7spheres GuitArtist

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    I love you guys for having a sense of humor. The world needs more of this type of light hearted shit talk.
     
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  2. TheBolivianSniper

    TheBolivianSniper SS.org Regular

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    Well got broken up with after almost 3 years. Technically it's an indefinite break. I hope this doesn't last long bc I told her I'd wait for her to feel better and get herself together like she said she needed to and she agreed. Every day is one day closer to the day she comes back I guess, that's the good thing
     
  3. DrakkarTyrannis

    DrakkarTyrannis

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    Um....I think that's a nice way of saying y'all are done. I wouldn't bank too much on her coming back. You'd best get used to the single life
     
  4. Adieu

    Adieu SS.org Regular

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    Good on you, son!


    PS ...we did advise you to use condoms, right?
     
  5. High Plains Drifter

    High Plains Drifter ... drifting...

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    Tiny Terror Special Edition Condoms... available in orange.
     
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  6. Adieu

    Adieu SS.org Regular

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    I recommend something that can double as a personal defense sidearm in event of a zombie apocalypse / riot / 2020 election season

    french_ticklers_black_big.jpg

    ...or whatever the fuck this thing is. Maybe.


    Disclaimer: don't take medical advice from strangers on the internet.
     
  7. Spaced Out Ace

    Spaced Out Ace 0 0 1 0 0 6 5 0 3\

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    Incredibly superfluous, dude. All three are the same.
     
  8. AlexCorriveau

    AlexCorriveau Yeeeeeeeeesssssssss

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    So I've been having this huge crush on a girl I work with for a long time. We get along very well and have a lot in common. I am the shyest guy you will ever meet but I once asked her out on a date and she said yes but backed at the last minute. I just guessed she wasn't interested. At the begining of the year, I told one of her collegue I have a crush on this girl but I don't think she is interested. She straight up said:" ALEX she notices you everytime you pass by in her department. Yesterday you had the day off but you came to see your schedule and she was like:"Oh! Alex is here?" I asked her out again, she said yes with no hesitation. Backed out at the last minute again. Then, the whole lockdown thing happened. Another collegue told me that with her, you have to be persistant, she don't notice subtle signs and is even shyer than me but she is not indifferent about me at all. She cancels at the last minute because she panicks. She also never figured out I'm interested. Now that the restrictions are softened, I invited her for coffee. Same thing again.

    I'm tired of it. Long story short, I suck at this and I am an idiot for crushing on her for so long but I kept being persistant because I thought I had my chances and my collegues encouraged me. I'm about to just spill the beans and tell her:"Samantha, will we ever see each other outside of work? I have a crush on you, will you give me a chance to get to know you better?" Should I do it?

    INB4: "move on you idiot". I am very aware I should
     
  9. c7spheres

    c7spheres GuitArtist

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    She's playing hard to get. She hasn't said no. In fact, she said yes 3 times! Don't come out saying you have a crush or anything like that. Just keep doing what you've been doing. Eventually she'll either say she's not interested or actually not stand you up. I'm guessing she is interested though because otherwise she would likely have just said no the first or second time. If you come out and say the other stuff about having a crush on her or getting impatient you mess up her littel game and she'll just forget the entire thing. Just keep doing what you've been doing. You're not doing anythig better at work anyways. You gotta nurture these things sometimes. Sometimes they like playing hard to get and foreplay etc. Just ask her out once every so often like once every couple weeks or when it feels right. She'll come around, go out with you, rock your world, and leave you feeling totally different about her innocence! Just kidding, maybe.
     
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  10. Spaced Out Ace

    Spaced Out Ace 0 0 1 0 0 6 5 0 3\

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    Eh, I dunno. Playing games is sort of a sign of immaturity.
     
  11. High Plains Drifter

    High Plains Drifter ... drifting...

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    I would suggest ( depending on the structure of your particular work environment) that you try to simply find a moment or ask her for a moment of her time and use that moment to succinctly yet sincerely let her know that if or when she feels as if she'd like to go out, hang out, do lunch, etc... that she let you know. This allows her to take some control, may minimize her possible anxiety, and relieve any pressure that she might have felt previously. It seems at this point that you and she both feel that there is or may be a certain compatibility or connection already developing. I would then continue to simply be kind to her and continue this friendly relation without any expectations. This also empowers her and that's a great thing for a shy person to feel... as you're already aware. Best of luck. I genuinely hope that things move forward and that you both find some positive benefits in continuing ( and possibly escalating) this interaction.
     
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  12. TedEH

    TedEH Cromulent

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    Maybe a better approach would be to ask to do something immediately instead of setting up plans for something in the future. "Hey, I feel like doing x, I'm headed out right now - wanna join me?" Don't let the question linger, don't let anticipation build, all the things that could lead a person to overthink and panic. It'll either work or it won't. If if it doesn't, then just move on. Use that confidence you built to ask someone who respects your time a bit more.
     
  13. Obsidian Soul

    Obsidian Soul SS.org Regular

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    I had a similar instance with a girl that had social anxiety though circumstances were different.

    You should probably just be around her more and talk to her more to get her more comfortable with your company.The idea of a date and being one on one with you could be daunting to her,but she also doesn't want to reject you or let you move on from her.
     
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  14. Spaced Out Ace

    Spaced Out Ace 0 0 1 0 0 6 5 0 3\

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    Some growth. I like it.
     
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  15. broj15

    broj15 SS.org Regular

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    I feel like TedEH and Obsidian Soul both have the right idea. Just speaking from my own experience but I feel like calling anything a "date" adds a certain level of pressure and implies some wierd sense of formality. If she does have a thing for you then the idea of a date probably could induce alot of anxiety for her (fear of fucking it up, saying something dumb, or you just deciding that you don't like her). The fear of "failure" or rejection can hold alot of people back from doing alot of things.

    I'd say if you can find a way to casually spend some more time with her at work, even if it just regularly passing through her department and saying hello, taking a break at the same time and initiating a casual conversation, etc. then that might get her more comfortable and less anxious about spending time with you in a social setting outside of work.
    And as TedEH already said, when ya do invite her to do something try and make it relatively spontaneous. It could be grabbing some to go food and eating in a park after work, going for a hike/run if that's your/her thing, or if you have a social circle outside of work then invite her to a group hang.


    Now, I have some just general questions about dating in a global pandemic: how the fuck does that work now? Like really, bars are open but not the way they usually are (last call is at 11pm in my city, 50% capacity, no walking around unless it's to order a drink, smoke on the patio, or go to the bathroom, etc.) And shows are cancelled until the end of time along with any other function that would allow an opportunity to meet someone.
    And what about Tinder/other dating apps/the good ol fashioned slide into the dm's? What are you supposed to ask someone to do? "Hey let's order food from a restaurant that seems clean and eat it in a car somewhere and talk about how fucked everything is?". When you meet someone for the first time do you wear a mask? If so then when do you take it off? Dating/meeting ppl was already complicated and now idk what to do. I mean, I'm more or less content with being single, but it would still be nice to meet someone to share some experiences with.
     
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  16. Spaced Out Ace

    Spaced Out Ace 0 0 1 0 0 6 5 0 3\

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    Only remove the mask if one of you hyperventilates and passes out.
     
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  17. TedEH

    TedEH Cromulent

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    I just use it as an excuse to say it doesn't work, and leave it at that. If you're someone like me who really values having time to yourself, then this really isn't too bad.
     
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  18. AlexCorriveau

    AlexCorriveau Yeeeeeeeeesssssssss

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    Thanks for the imput guys!
     
  19. TedEH

    TedEH Cromulent

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    I dunno if this is the right thread - or if it should go in the why-u-mad thread - but I posted about the same situation here before, and more venting has become necessary so....

    On the last episode of "Ted lets other people's drama interfere with his life":
    I mentioned a few pages back that I somehow got roped back into an ex's world again because she broke her leg (and separated a shoulder) and had no other support system. During the recovery process, especially right at the beginning of it, there was a legitimate need - certain things that just can't be done when recovering from 7 fractures and a knee having been rebuilt - so I was helping. I did a lot of driving, I helped stock up on groceries, I made sure she made it to appointments on time, I sometimes took care of the dog, etc. It was more than I "had" to do, but the goal was taking stress off the situation.

    And now today's episode:

    So picture this: Ex's roommate (who I've also described before) was being "paid" (by paid, I mean with weed), to take the dog out, since it's currently impossible for ex to walk a dog. Even months into recovery, it's not an option. This is a large dog that doesn't get along with other dogs outside, even ignoring the stairs to get into the apartment. So roommates job is to make sure the dog gets out. It's literally his job because he's otherwise unemployed (and I learned recently has never actually held a job).

    In the last couple of weeks, I've gotten panicked messages saying that roommate was upset because he was asked to join people going camping at the last minute which meant that I would have to go over and take care of the dog. I hadn't had a weekend to myself, so I complained about this, which turned into an argument over there, and ultimately he was forced to cancel so that the dog wouldn't be trapped inside with someone who physically can't take them outside to do their business. Then shortly after, the same thing happened during the week, and this time I'm the one who lost - because he sprung on us (after the argument started) that the last minute social calls are because his brother's fiance was leaving him for a bunch more drama reasons that continue to have nothing to do with me.

    So now I'm giving up my days off to myself because my ex's roommates brothers fiance who's leaving him because of something to do with a car accident and an arranged marriage or something (???) leaving us with nobody left available to let the dog out of the house except for the person with an exploded knee and only one working shoulder who also has so much family drama that there's nobody willing to help.

    Then fast forward to yesterday. Part of what's important about the latest incident is that I made a point of telling them that I can't keep leaving work on a whim to take care of things because I'm starting a new project at work. It's practically like starting a new job. It's important for me for a number of reasons, and I can't just bail on a whim in the middle of the day. So yesterday - day two of the new job - I get a panicked message in the middle of the day saying roommate wants to leave today and come back in a day or two, and she told him no - because I can't be asked with zero notice to leave my new job to go take care of the dog for him so he can go camping with his brother. Me and her are on the same page on this one - I cannot fuck up this job so some unemployed dude can go camping. So he had a fit. She asked him for some notice before leaving (since if he leaves, she's helpless) and he responds with the very juvenile "is there going to be any amount of time that isn't short notice? I mean, I told you a week ago that I might want to go camping at some point".

    The argument ends with him saying "fine, I'm not even going to ask, I'm just going to go", and her saying "I'm done arguing - I'll deal with whatever happens". It's worth noting that at this point, she's away from home, at the hospital, which she got to on a bus on crutches because I was literally on day 2 of a new job I can't leave - while having this conversation with roommate. She had no idea if he'd be home when she got there, but he was. But he was on the phone in his room speaking loudly and complaining about having been asked to take care of the job and "this isn't fair, I didn't know I'd have to keep doing it" etc etc. At this point, we still don't know if the dog has been out today at all, or whether or not he's going to do it today, so I end up leaving at the end of my work day to drive over there and take the dog out myself, 'cause while I hate the drama, it's not fair for the dog to keep suffering over this. That poor dog keeps getting left for up to 12 hours not being able to go outside - basically he waits until she's asking desperately and THEN takes her out. Only the bare minimum.

    This morning I have no idea if the dog got out. I was told not to worry about it, but the car is in the garage this morning so I can't do anything about it. I'm pretty sure she's going to try to take the dog out herself, at a huge risk of worsening her injuries.

    It's tempting to just take the dog, let it live with me for a few months until they can get their shit together. It shouldn't be any of my problem at all.

    Anyway. I have things I have to do, so rant over for now.
     
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  20. Demiurge

    Demiurge Intrepid Jackass

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    Your ex could always hire a dog-walker. Is she collecting some manner of disability insurance for her injury? If so, has checked to see if the insurance will pay for one? It's kind of understood that some injuries leave people laid-up and unable to perform their normal activities, and at-home assistance can be part of the claim.
     

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