SS Love and Relationships Thread

Discussion in 'Off-Topic' started by SevenStringSam, Jun 17, 2010.

  1. Nicki

    Nicki SS.org Regular

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    The thing about sexual compatibility is that people who are willing to actively work on that aspect of their relationship often become more sexually compatible with each other than those whom they would be sexually compatible with from day 1. A person who is unwilling to openly discuss their or their partner's sexual needs and desires with their partner is, in my opinion, not comfortable enough with their own sexuality and is therefor not ready to explore kinks of any kind. It does take a certain level of maturity and trust to be able to talk about those things with a partner, so if one person can openly discuss it and the other can't then there's obviously a maturity gap that is much harder to close than the gap in sexual compatibility. Adversely, if both people can openly discuss the topic of sex, with one wanting to explore kinks and the other not having any interest in it, then there is an inherent incompatibility there that they would either need to work around/through or let it destroy the relationship.

    Let's not also discount the fact that over time, people change. One reason why relationships and marriages fail is because people change and don't work on staying compatible in most (or all) aspects with their partner. Relationships are a constant thing that needs to be worked on.
     
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  2. DrakkarTyrannis

    DrakkarTyrannis

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    Sex isn't all that matters, however people learn a lot about themselves through sex and often times navigating what turns them on, why it turns them on, and how to explain that to others is tough. People don't want to be rejected when at their most vulnerable, letting a partner in on something that they really like and thinks is important.

    My sub, seen as "butch" and "masculine" to everyone, likes frilly things and lace underwear and stuff. Not exactly full on cross dressing but enough to be jarring for the people he dates who want him because he's a "real man". He's pansexual but mainly has only had experience with trans girls and very fem gay dudes who all see him as "straight acting"...so they don't like it when they find out he has this side. Not only that but because of the way he's perceived, he doesn't usually attract bigger more dom guys, but he does like those types and wants the chance to give control to someone else.

    The boy is completely misunderstood by friends and family, has been told that no one will love him if he keeps up the cross dressing thing, told by others that he needs to pick a side and that he's straight but just confused, etc. He's had so many people trying to shape him into their idea of who he should be that he'd been robbed of the opportunities to develop into his own person.

    As his dom, it's not just about sex. I provide a space for him to be himself, ask questions, learn things, etc. Sometimes he just comes over for a drink and to talk and be heard without judgement. I can empathize with him in a way others in his past can't, so I offer advice. Sexually I don't judge him, I'm patient, and it's about him exploring his wants and needs. It's my job to work through those things with him so that he can actually voice his likes and needs and screen potential partners better to avoid people who don't actually want him in the way he needs to be wanted.

    He and I aren't dating, I don't do jealousy, and my goal is simply to help him develop in such a way that he does find a compatible partner once he has a better understanding of who he is and what he wants.

    Not everyone gets that chance to be in a completely safe space with a more experienced person who's there to teach them. Especially when it comes to people trying to figure out who they are and what they want, relationships can be difficult
     
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  3. TedEH

    TedEH Cromulent

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    I mean, it sounds like you're in a good place, and have something good going with this dude. I just meant to say that similar positive/healthy characteristics are not something completely missing from strait relationships.
     
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  4. DrakkarTyrannis

    DrakkarTyrannis

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    Definitely. They certainly exist in straight relationships, however more often than not it's hard for people to navigate situations outside of the norm. It's not exactly common for a younger guy to get picked up by an older experienced woman who wants nothing but to help him develop so he can be better with relationships going forward. That mentor dynamic doesn't happen too often. Most people learn things via trial and error. Women don't usually get an older man willing to do that unless it comes with some serious downsides.

    Having a girlfriend/boyfriend willing to try out things with you is a lot different from having a dom who's not your girlfriend/boyfriend and who is solely there for your personal development.
     
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  5. TedEH

    TedEH Cromulent

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    Fair enough.
     
  6. jco5055

    jco5055 SS.org Regular

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    Gf and I have a trip planned this Thursday, for about two weeks on the west coast (Washington/Oregon/San Diego). Planned and got tested for COVID-19 on Thursday just as a precautionary thing in case we were asymptomatic, but on Wednesday I had a mild scratchy throat through thursday and now I'm showing symptoms of a mild head cold. Our test results will arrive somewhere between Sunday-Tueday.

    Now my gf is freaking out and wants to cancel the whole trip just because "she just knows/has a premonition" the results will say they are positive, even though none of our flights/airbnbs etc need to be canceled before our test results return to lose less $ etc.

    I'm not wrong that she's being COMPLETELY irrational right? She goes to therapy for anxiety and I know she is trying to improve in that aspect, but that doesn't mean I just have to dismiss anything she does in a moment of stress right?
     
  7. DrakkarTyrannis

    DrakkarTyrannis

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    Hm.....I always wondered how Covid keeps spreading. I get it now
     
  8. jco5055

    jco5055 SS.org Regular

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    ?? We will cancel if the results are positive, but we will know the results before the trip and are quarantining in the meantime so I don’t see how we are helping it spread.
     
  9. jco5055

    jco5055 SS.org Regular

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    Also got my results today, I’m negative so I guess just a cold.
     
  10. PyramidSmasher

    PyramidSmasher Chess Dragon

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    I havent been on this thread in about 9 years but yall helped me lock in this chick who was giving me mixed signals and she proceeded to ruin my life then commit a bunch of felonies and get expelled/deported. Regardless thats who I lost my virginity too and I want to thank yall for the assist
     
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  11. MaxOfMetal

    MaxOfMetal Likes trem wankery. Super Moderator

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    So what you're saying is, it was worth it?
     
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  12. PyramidSmasher

    PyramidSmasher Chess Dragon

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    More than worth it
     
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  13. Spaced Out Ace

    Spaced Out Ace 0 0 1 0 0 6 5 0 3\

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    47 and you finally lost your v card. We're proud of you.
     
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  14. PyramidSmasher

    PyramidSmasher Chess Dragon

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    Definitely way faster than anyone who knows me would have expected. Being sexually active has been the best 2 minutes of my life so far.
     
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  15. DrakkarTyrannis

    DrakkarTyrannis

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    ......I have so many questions but I don't think I even wanna go down that rabbit hole.
     
  16. MFB

    MFB SS.org Regular

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    Looks we finally found one hole that Drakkar want's no part of, 'bout time
     
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  17. Spaced Out Ace

    Spaced Out Ace 0 0 1 0 0 6 5 0 3\

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    Love em and leave em, Mr. Speed. Move on.
     
  18. DrakkarTyrannis

    DrakkarTyrannis

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    *Reported for hate speech. Completely accurate and factual hate speech*
     
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  19. PyramidSmasher

    PyramidSmasher Chess Dragon

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    haha Im JK but my point is this thread changed some young mens lives even if we never heard the stories
     
  20. TedEH

    TedEH Cromulent

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    I'd be lying if I said this thread (or the forum as a whole) had no influence on my life. Some of the best "I already know but I need someone on the internet to tell it to me so I can admit it myself" style dating advice I've gotten has come from this thread.

    I've had nothing to post here in a while, cause the 'rona mostly means no dating for a while.
     

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