SS Love and Relationships Thread

Discussion in 'Off-Topic' started by SevenStringSam, Jun 17, 2010.

  1. broj15

    broj15 SS.org Regular

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    Thanks for the positivity/validation y'all. It was a difficult decision and it kinda sucks right now but I know I did what was best for everyone in the long run.
    I showed a friend of mine some our texts last night of things that my ex said to me and they said that from the outside looking in it was definitely a verbally/emotionally abusive situation, which it's good to feel validation about. Honestly I feel like I had been so gaslit by my ex that I was starting to think that I was the crazy one. Not trying to say that I'm not without my own faults, because I definitely am, but I try to express my emotions as best as I can without putting to much or placing undeserved blame on the other person.

    On a more positive note, I just saw a fresh job posting for one of my favorite restaurants that's just a few blocks away from my house. I'm in there atleast twice a week and the owner doesn't know me by name, but she knows what I eat and I'm always super friendly to thier staff so hopefully that works out in my favor. Fingers crossed.
     
  2. broj15

    broj15 SS.org Regular

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    On the topic of meeting people online versus irl, I honestly have better luck with meeting people irl. In the context of a dating app or social media with gives me time to think about my messages or whatever I'm gonna say, and then I end up over analyzing everything about the situation and then I just do nothing. For example, been steady talking to this beautiful girl on tinder for the past couple days, and the conversation has been nice, but I can't bring myself to asking them to hang out in person because idk. Social anxiety, lack of confidence, blah blah blah always gets in the way.
    On the other hand, when I meet someone in person I'm forced to just kinda go into things with blind confidence (well, as much as I can muster) and not put as much thought into what I'm gonna say. It also feels more authentic, and in my experience has yielded more long term/serious relationships than meeting people online. Like if I meet someone in a social setting or something like that and they like me based on that then they're much more likely to enjoy me as a person than if they just like me based on my tinder profile or social media presence.
     
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  3. Albake21

    Albake21 "Just get a used Ibanez Prestige."

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    I know this all too well, I'm the exact same way. Everyone around me talks about how online dating is much easier, that there is less anxiety from it because you talk a bit before hand. Me personally, I WAY over analyze every single message I send so when it comes down to the real thing, my anxiety is off the charts. I can't do it anymore, sadly. I have a much easier time meeting someone face to face and connecting that way. Now if only I could actually meet someone face to face....
     
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  4. broj15

    broj15 SS.org Regular

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    See, this is the problem I have as well. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy my lifestyle and wouldn't change it for anyone/anything, but I'll admit that I do live a pretty isolated life. Things usually consist of work, band practice, and hanging out with my 2 best friends/band mates/"creative life partners". Of course we'll play shows from time to time, and I'll attend shows, but most of the DIY scene already knows each other, and it feels to much like highschool despite all of us being in our mid 20's- 30's. I think I want to try and go to more events & functions this year that are more outside of my wheel house just to try and meet some new people.

    James Murphy from LCD Soundsystem actually has a really good interview where he talks about how being super jaded & cynical towards his peers held him back socially & creatively for a long time.
     
  5. Albake21

    Albake21 "Just get a used Ibanez Prestige."

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    I sure know this too well. Happen to have a link to said interview?
     
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  6. broj15

    broj15 SS.org Regular

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    Got it right here

     
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  7. Albake21

    Albake21 "Just get a used Ibanez Prestige."

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    Awesome man, thank you!
     
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  8. broj15

    broj15 SS.org Regular

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    ^^^no worries. I know that James' work isn't really the norm for this forum, but he's a great songwriter & producer and I feel like there's alot to be learned from him.

    Also, at the risk of getting more off topic, I got a reply from the head chef/owner of the restaurant I was picking up shifts at and they want to hire me on full time. I'll be getting paid the same as I was at my old job, possibly more, and I'll be responsible for alot less (basically just a glorified dishwasher at the new spot). Plus the schedule will be more consistent (thursday- Sunday 3pm - close) so I'll probably pick up a couple prep shifts at my other friends restaurant.

    After I get paid I fully intend to go eat at my old job just so I can leave a super fat tip to flex on everyone that still works there.
     
  9. Albake21

    Albake21 "Just get a used Ibanez Prestige."

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    I'll for sure give it a watch after work. To be honest, I'm not really too familiar with his work, but hey I'm open to whatever.

    Also good for you man, happy hear that everything seems to be working out in the end. Good luck with your new job.
     
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  10. broj15

    broj15 SS.org Regular

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    I appreciate the kind words (this site has always been one of the most positive and supportive online communities).
    And if you like the talking heads then James Murphy/LCD Soundsystem is gonna be alot like that.
     
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  11. High Plains Drifter

    High Plains Drifter ... drifting...

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    How. Fucking. Hard. IS IT??!!

    [​IMG]
     
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  12. Obsidian Soul

    Obsidian Soul SS.org Regular

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    In their defense,it took more effort and time for you to take the picture,upload it,and make the post.
     
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  13. High Plains Drifter

    High Plains Drifter ... drifting...

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    Well certainly... That's the reoccurring trend here.
     
  14. TedEH

    TedEH Cromulent

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    There are two things stuck on my mind that are kind of fitting for this thread.

    One is the thought that as I get older, my social circles seem to be shrinking. Not just shrinking though - like they're actively becoming more distant. I have bandmates, coworkers, and.... the occasional old high school friend, and that's mostly it. And even within those people, there's not much of the day-to-day "I had a dumb thought, I need to text this to someone" kind of friends. The idea of it always kind of stings around this time of year, since holidays are all about families and close connections, and then it leads into my birthday coming up -> Which I realize is kind of juvenile to put much stock into, but it's a day that sort of punctuates those kinds of observations about who you keep around you. I've invited a bunch of people over that day, and I'll count myself lucky if any of them show up.

    I also had a moment of.... bravery? Stupidity? I don't know which one, but I had a moment last night. I was talking very briefly with someone online who is a friend of a friend, made this sort of connection in my head after the conversation that "oh shit, I've got a lot in common with this lady" and decided it was a great idea to drop a "hey, what would you say to the idea of a coffee date or something?" ....silence. Nothing but silence, because of course. :lol: Thanks to the miracle of technology, I know the message wasn't seen until this morning, but now I just feel like a fool. A brave fool, maybe. Are fools brave by definition? Maybe not. I have this lingering feeling of "this is not how you're supposed to do that", and it's distracting me from working this morning.

    Oh well.
     
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  15. c7spheres

    c7spheres GuitArtist

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    I would say that's exactly how you're supposed to do that. You made the connection of having a lot in common with her and you jumped on the oppotunity to try to hit her up for a date without procrastination or second guessing. You went with your gut and did it. I'd say matbe you've turned a new leaf. If for some strange reason she dont want to go out just rinse and repeat the next time you get that feeling.
     
  16. TedEH

    TedEH Cromulent

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    I mean, it seems on principle to have been the right idea, but this is now going on 9 hours-ish of silence. Is that normal? I have no idea. It reads to me like a "no". It feels like if she really had any interest, there would have been an immediate something. I put myself right back into that waiting situation that I previously said was grueling. :lol: I was reaaaaaally hoping for a quick "yeh, why not" or the polite "thanks, but no thanks" and it would just be over. Simple. Easy. Move on.

    Days like this are not so good for the ego.
     
  17. c7spheres

    c7spheres GuitArtist

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    Seems pretty normal to me. I never try to figure women out with this stuff. She might be thinking about it. Maybe she wants to make you sweat about it a bit. maybe she's checking with her freinds about it. Maybe she's waiting how long until you message her about it and wants to see how you handle it. That's why you just gotta be you, and do you. I'd give her at least a day or two to reply though. She may have had plans and then had to sleep, work etc and just doesn't have time to think about it yet. I'd just take it in stride. Ball is in her court. If you keep throwing balls in her court it could be a turn off.
     
  18. TedEH

    TedEH Cromulent

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    ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

    :lol:
     
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  19. TedEH

    TedEH Cromulent

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    It really does seem like too long a time though.... like... is it not rude to just completely ignore a message for a full day or two? I'm talking not even acknowledging that the message happened kind of thing. Like being ghosted, basically.

    It's insanely tempting to just go back to the message and reply myself with something like "I'll just take the silence as a no" and move on. Cause this just feels stupid to me.

    Even if she is very busy, which I don't doubt... is it that much to ask for the 30 seconds to go "hey, I'll get back to you" or something. Someone who really was interested at all could find the 30 seconds in the day.
     
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  20. c7spheres

    c7spheres GuitArtist

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    You're probably right, but I just don't find anyone in todays' age respectful when it comes to communicating via texts or getting back to voice mails, emails etc. (I know, who uses those last two still, right?) I gauge things more by how the person normally behaves. I wouldn't make assumptions or accusations if you feel the need to get back to her. I'd probably get back to her with something vague like; "What's up?" or less vague and repeat "What's up, so you wanna get some coffee sometime?", if you were to text back.
    - I'm personally really easy going, so if you're feeling like wanting an answer I'd probably call her and talk to her and just straight up ask her.
    - IME, most women want to be chased and fusses over a little bit.
    - If she's really easy going and cool and you're on really good terms already then you could tell her. Say; "Hey women I'm takin you out on Friday. I'll pick you up at 8:00." This alpha male bs works pretty well for some girls. I wouldn't recommend it. It's toxciity waiting to happen, but it can get results. : )

    - Your original gut feeling for what to text her back saying "I'll just take the silence as a no" and move on. Cause this just feels stupid to me." is a good play. It's a power play and forces things to move either way pretty fast. It's like a passive agreesive alpha male approach but not overtly agressive. Maybe go with your gut? It's to hard to tell not knowing anything about her.
    - I'm no expert and just throwing a bunch of ideas and opinions out there. Only you can really feel out the situation and how you want to behave. Just trying to give different options and perspectives to you. Hope I'm helping more than not.
     

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