SS Love and Relationships Thread

Discussion in 'Off-Topic' started by SevenStringSam, Jun 17, 2010.

  1. TedEH

    TedEH Cromulent

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    Mood change:
    I've received news that dudes own mother showed up to the hospital for a grand total of an hour to take a picture for facebook and drop off the contact number for a social worker. While his roommate is stuck taking care of him because he almost died.

    Why are people so shitty to eachother?
     
  2. c7spheres

    c7spheres GuitArtist

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    How unfortunate. Hope he starts getting better soon.
     
  3. soliloquy

    soliloquy SS.org Regular

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    I love my friends. And perhaps I dont give them enough credit.
    Without saying anything to them, hell, i'm fully avoiding them to the best of my abilities. I haven't seen them in about a month, and they are already fully aware that I'm not myself.
    few others that I talk to once every 6 or 8 months or so, even they know that i'm not myself, and they all are reaching out to me.

    it hurts me that though they all turned to me at one point or another to help with their personal demons, i am not able to do the same with them.

    maybe one day when i'm fully recovered, i will apologize to them that i'm not the friend they thought I was, and also why i cant turn to them in this situation.

    i cant avoid them forever, so sooner or later, they will understand. I'm barley holding together. Even yesterday where I had my year end review with my manager, I broke down in front of him.

    not that i'm afraid of my emotions, or afraid of someone to see me cry. I never claimed to be the toxic masculine man that sucks it up, though I may appear to be that way. I am somewhat stoic, so it is hard to read my expressions more often than not.

    I do feel super lucky to have such close friends that do love and care for me. And though they may mean well for me, sometimes their execution may be a little flawed.

    these two friends who are SUPER close to me, and were a HUGE part of my wedding. They are also very close to my friend. Though they are my friends first, if this every comes to light, I would want them to fully abandon me and support her. As a human, my heart does go out to my wife, and know that she needs people and support (she is a loner and has no one to talk to other than her therapist). I know my friends wont want to abandon me in this regards, but I do have all the support I can use from other friends and network. Moreover, if they do find out what she did, they will want to leave her and run to me. But I think the more people know, the harder it would be for us to work together IF we ever want to work on repairing what has been broken.
     
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  4. TedEH

    TedEH Cromulent

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    Realistically, I wouldn't be hard on yourself for not being able to solve anyone elses issues, or to want personal space dealing with your own. Sometimes even the smallest show of sincere support is all that could reasonable be asked of anyone, and if you've done that, and they've done that, then you've nothing to feel bad about.

    Internalizing your emotions is not really a toxic thing unless you're knowingly harming yourself or others by doing so. People deal with things in their own ways. If someone needs to be surrounded by people to get through their day, then that's great for them. If someone needs to isolate themselves in order to process what's going on around them, then that's also fine. I do a lot of that. I dive into video games to sort of shut everything else out until I've had enough time to calmly process what's going on, then I can get back to real life and address things level-headed-ly. Self-awareness IMO is the key. Be self-aware, don't self-sabotage, take care of yourself, and the rest doesn't matter.
     
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  5. Five Ten

    Five Ten 오 십

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    For what it is worth, the only people who would not understand an apology or why you are doing what you do are people who are not worth your time. You should be golden. You are also not required to share your personal demons with others, even if they have with you. Everyone deals with things in their own way. Just do not fight your demons alone in a way that is bad for yourself. Holding on to everything and not dealing with it is a dangerous thing. As Ted has said, be self-aware, do not self-sabotage.

    To play the angel on your shoulder, I would say handling things amicably is not out of the question. Whether you break up, stay friends, make amends, stay together, whatever. It is always advisable to try to do things the right way.

    To play the devil on your shoulder, I would like to point out that there needs to be a line. You decide what that line is, but it needs to be drawn. I do not know how much pleasantry or respect I would be able to show someone who had betrayed me in a big way. To me, since there was no logical trigger the first time around, I would always be worried that it would happen again. Even if she changes, I would find it hard to trust fully again, which might turn out to be unfair.

    Your friends were correct, as an aside. It is probably not something you should just jump on asap. The situation is still very young and things have not been completely rationally processed yet. You had mentioned going to therapy after the new year, and I think that will help greatly. At the very least, they can help you sort and compartmentalize your thoughts. They can provide real time feedback, and might get you asking yourself important questions.
     
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  6. soliloquy

    soliloquy SS.org Regular

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    I know that more than anything else, therapy will help me with PTSD.
    random things are triggering me. For example, on saturday, i decided to work again (did about 65+ hours the week before, and 60+ hours last week...only getting paid for 47, but thats besides the point). After work, i was aimlessly walking around the streets of Toronto. During christmas time, it was heart breaking to see the city so empty. Moreover, it was hurting to see couples holding hands, kissing or celebrating in the christmas market. That was me at one point.
    I keep waking up in the middle of the night due to nightmares.
    I keep crashing all over and i'm having a hard time holding it together.

    so for that alone, i need therapy.

    good thing my work provides that service for free, so will fully take advantage of that.
     
  7. TedEH

    TedEH Cromulent

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    I'm getting text updates about roommate guy who is still in the hospital. Some kind of complications last night so he's staying there longer. In the middle of all this is a message about how ex lady picked the wrong week to take a break from weed.

    Maybe a dude almost dying in your living room is something to be handled sober, no?
    I mean... I don't think I've ever seen her sober in my life.
    And the whole point of having this one sober week is just to "reset" and drop tolerances so that the weed becomes potent again.

    F that noise, I don't need to be attached to an addict.
     
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  8. soliloquy

    soliloquy SS.org Regular

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    so...the friend i was avoiding, as I didn't want to tell her what is going on with my life, she forced herself to bump into me and forced it out of me.
    I also told her that though I need her as a friend, i know that my spouse needs someone more than I need someone. So to put aside her biases, and favor her over the next little while rather than me. and my friend is doing just that. i love my friends.

    the part of me that is an advocate and supporter of mental illness is really hurting for her. I want to be there for her and support her. And I know that she is miserable, and that she is remorseful, and I know that whenever I'm hurt, she usually feels it far worse than me.

    however, the other part of me is hurt and i cant do that.

    i am feeling overwhelmed. i feel like i want to throw up, though there is nothing in my system.
     
  9. TedEH

    TedEH Cromulent

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    I have a feeling I'm misinterpreting a bunch of what you're trying to get across, but it sounds like you're allowing the people around you to continue to treat you like crap.

    You got cheated on, you got wronged - this isn't the time to go into support mode for people. Treating you like that is not a mental illness thing, that's being a shitty person, and there's no justification for that.

    This is a case where I'll advocate being selfish. Focus on you. Focus on getting yourself back to a comfortable place where people aren't shitting on you and you're not vomiting under the stress of things. Stop letting people convince you that they are more important than you, because they are not. Forget everyone else and take care of yourself.
     
  10. TedEH

    TedEH Cromulent

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    I find lately I'm just getting so exhausted from people being shitty to themselves and to others. Have we colonized Mars yet? Are there any other planets I can go live on for a while? :lol:
     
  11. soliloquy

    soliloquy SS.org Regular

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    Though I do agree that I deserve better, and that she should not have any compassion from me, as this is all on her, I also deserve peace.

    I still haven't decided what I want, and what is best for me. And in order for me to get there, I need to think from a leveled head. The last thing I want is to be feeling lousy, and in haste, make a decision that makes me feel worse, and worsens the situation.

    this already is too overwhelming, so i need to take this one day at a time, otherwise it will get far uglier.
     
  12. p0ke

    p0ke 7-string guitard

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    You could move to a space station, but beware, apparently their toilets aren't working at the moment :lol:
     
  13. TedEH

    TedEH Cromulent

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    I can now add more layers of exhaustion to the mix.
    I was supposed to go out with coworkers, but ex-lady sends me a panicked text saying roommate's heart has stopped and doctors are asking for people to be contacted. This guy has so few people in his life that his support structure included his roommates ex. So this puts me, ex-lady, and the handful of family this guy has (who have never met me) in a room awkwardly waiting for 3 hours of surgery to pass. He made it out ok for now, but is being monitored. In the meantime, ex is now in pieces and doesn't want to be alone for the rest of the day, so I end up staying there in comfort mode until I'm too tired to stay up, at which point I go home and.... 4 hours later I'm back at the office because what else am I going to do.

    I'm not going to be able to focus today. I severely need a break from everything. This is now a breakup that just won't go away, a death of an old friend (that I never mentioned here yet), and now another near death, all within the same three-weeks ish.

    I'll take the space station. Even busted toilets can't be more shitty than this.
     
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  14. soliloquy

    soliloquy SS.org Regular

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    @ TedEH: man, that must be super tough to go through. death of a friend is never easy. And i HATE how their funerals become the highschool reunions. Having been to 4 already (and I graduated just over 10 years ago?). that shit never gets easy.

    and though i'm not the one to give advice here, as i've been doing 195 hours of work over 3 weeks, which shouldn't exceed 112 hours of work, PLEASE take care of yourself. book a vacation. Or go travel somewhere. or staycation.

    nothing is important if you are crumbling.
     
  15. TedEH

    TedEH Cromulent

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    Thanks man.

    I went into the office today, for the sake of not just stewing at home on my own, but I don't expect it to be productive. I got in almost 2 hours ago and mostly just drank coffee and played video games at my desk so far. Will probably just pick away at some meaningless task until I decide to go home. I'm around good people, and things are calm, so all is as well as it can be for now.
     
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  16. soliloquy

    soliloquy SS.org Regular

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    Obviously I dont have to tell you what you should, or should not do, but see if you can pick up other activities outside of work? Not that being around good people is bad. Maybe gym. Or if the snow isn't too bad, explore random neighborhoods in your area? take yourself out for a movie? or reach out to an old friend you keep meaning to see, but life gets in the way?

    dont just rot away.




    EDIT: actually, come to think of it, I may take myself out for movies on friday. Maybe watch Knives Out or something.
     
    Last edited: Dec 12, 2019
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  17. Spaced Out Ace

    Spaced Out Ace 0 0 1 0 0 6 5 0 3\

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    Yeah, no shit.
     
  18. TedEH

    TedEH Cromulent

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    I've got some good news for a change!
    I took a random chance and met someone I was talking to on facebook for just a super simple coffee date kind of deal. I don't even care if it goes nowhere, it was just refreshing. There was no question of whether or not this was a date, we got along well, I managed to confidently ramble on enough to keep conversation going, she's not a drinker or smoker, she's into heavier music than I am, plays a bunch of instruments, probably more than me - it was just nice. There's a mild language barrier since she's primarily french, but we were still able to hold conversation, so it's all good.
     
  19. Charlie Foxtrot 3rd

    Charlie Foxtrot 3rd Seven strings, Zero skill

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    TedEH, one door closes and another opens.
     
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  20. c7spheres

    c7spheres GuitArtist

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    Awesome man! happy to hear that. I dated a French girl for about a month here on a work visa once. The language barrier was actually a blessing in disguise because there was this kind of automatic patience and understanding if something came out strange or wrong that it may have not been meant that way. Most of the time it was funny.
     
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