SS Love and Relationships Thread

Discussion in 'Off-Topic' started by SevenStringSam, Jun 17, 2010.

  1. will_shred

    will_shred Wannabe audio engineer

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    Well I had an interesting evening. I went on a date with someone I used to have a huge thing for, only to find that I don't find her nearly as attractive as I used to. It went well, I mean we still had a great time and good conversation, but I didn't feel the way I felt before. I think its just because I'm much more confident and comfortable with myself now than I was then. Shes a great musician and total theory nerd/audio nerd, we have a ton in common, but it felt more platonic than anything else.
     
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  2. Opion

    Opion Sir Mattafer

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    Have you thought about trying to go out with her more to see how it goes? I just found myself in the first "real" relationship in 10 years with someone I never thought I'd be dating. Initially I thought the same as you did with this girl, and the more I've gotten to know her, the more she's started to open up and reveal herself to be more than she let on at first, when all my past flings have all felt like I was insanely attracted to them off the bat. And like you, I'm much more confident now than when I was shy and feebly hooked on other people only to find out when the dust settles that they weren't the right person for me. Maybe try giving her and yourself some time to develop, you may surprise yourself. Good luck!
     
  3. will_shred

    will_shred Wannabe audio engineer

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    we talk all the time and have plans to keep hanging out! She's gonna tutor me in music theory
     
  4. will_shred

    will_shred Wannabe audio engineer

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    Butttt I try not to get my hopes up anymore
     
  5. Ordacleaphobia

    Ordacleaphobia Shameless Contrarian

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    If that's really looking solid, then that's your biggest hurdle overcome right off of the gate.
    The trick with those situations is always the fact that 1 person has to move; somebody has to uproot their life and go all-in.

    I was in a LDR for about 6 years and was convinced that I was going to marry this girl. We had been friends through mutual friends for a few years prior, and the whole thing just fit and felt right. Visited her about 6 months into our relationship, then again about a year and a half later, but getting her to come here was always a touchy subject. She agreed that it made more sense for her to come to me; I had my life together, was financially stable with a dependable job, healthy family and social life, etc; while her situation where she lived was nothing of the sort. Finishing school, unemployed, living with her abusive mother. But when push came to shove and we got to the point where something needed to happen, she couldn't commit to that level of change and I was already too entrenched where I was (and admittedly a bit hesitant, because we had some [justified] trust issues) to move to her, so we just kind of...fell apart. Shame. When we were together things were perfect and I still 100% believe that if she did move I'd be engaged by now.

    So- with that obstacle out of the way, your big test is going to be seeing if you guys are compatible. That's it. A year is nothing- that time will fly by. If you guys wind up serious about each other then a year is definitely not a large enough stretch of time to be taxing, especially if you guys play games or something that you can do together.
     
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  6. TedEH

    TedEH Cromulent

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    So far the advice I've gotten in this thread has been helping, so I have a strange request that goes along with my previous posts, if anyone has any ideas... it would take a bit long to explain why, but I'm trying to come up with something that is analogous to fireworks, but is not itself fireworks. Sparklers are off the list, and decorating food to look like fireworks is also off the list, but I'm trying to think of something that sort of follows those same lines. Any thoughts?
    Basically, imagine you jokingly said "I will bring fireworks", but literally bringing fireworks is impossible - so what could you do instead that sort of counts?
     
  7. MFB

    MFB Banned

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    Arson?
     
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  8. TedEH

    TedEH Cromulent

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    Perfect! I'll put that on the list. I also put out there that more than one idea is needed.
     
  9. Ordacleaphobia

    Ordacleaphobia Shameless Contrarian

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    Pop Rocks.
    Bring soda too, depending on what you're trying to accomplish.
     
  10. TedEH

    TedEH Cromulent

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    Ooh, actually, I like that one.

    The short version is that back before I asked this lady out, we were out walking around in the middle of the night, and I saw some lights in the distance - joked that I thought I saw fireworks. On the way back, we ran across some kids setting off fireworks in a parking lot, to which I said something like "see, I promised fireworks".

    Then we coincidentally kept going to things where there just happened to be fireworks, so the bit became that I was delivering on these fireworks weekly. Once it became impossible to promise actual fireworks every week, I came up with alternatives. There was conveniently a fireworks competition going on right at this time, but she couldn't attend, so she scheduled her break to be at the right time, I got as close to the launch as I could, and video-called it to her. The week later there were no actual fireworks happening, so I brought sparklers over. The next week was her birthday so I made cupcakes - and the decorations were fireworks made from coloured icing (I'm actually pretty proud of that one).

    The idea is to continue to deliver fireworks for as long as I can keep the bit going. Is it cheesy as f*ck? Yes. Is that part of why I'm leaning into the bit? Also yes.

    I guess that wasn't that long of an explanation.
     
  11. High Plains Drifter

    High Plains Drifter ... drifting...

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    More ideal if this takes place outdoors...

    * You're sitting wherever/ doing whatever ( lots of flexibility there)
    * You stand up ( or maybe y'all are walking along)
    * And randomly... you take a water bottle and squeeze it hard... shooting water into the air ( maybe even onto her or both of you depending on circumstances)
    * She obviously is like "Wtf?" and asks you what you did that for
    * And you calmly/ suavely deliver the punch... "Well I wouldn't ever want you to think that I'm a one-trick pony so I decided to bring the WATERWORKS this time" ( or something along those lines)

    As long as this is all delivered impulsively and naturally... it could make a [briefly] lasting impression. I feel that you need to change-up the fireworks thing so that you're not on the verge of beating a potentially dead horse. Stagnating jokes bring the eye-rolls at some point and imo this joke needs to evolve if you're going to get any more mileage out of it. People that don't want you to feel bad are going to generally act as if they're amused even when they're really not.
     
  12. TedEH

    TedEH Cromulent

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    You're not wrong. :lol: The joke is going to have to die eventually, but I'm not worried about it getting old quiiiiiite yet. I suppose an end goal might be to reach a point where I can get away with some cheesy line about how spending time in the first place "is the fireworks". Realistically, I know that only one or two more of these is probably going to be the limit.
     
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  13. Albake21

    Albake21 "Just get a used Ibanez Prestige."

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    Thank you for your story and advice! One thing I should have been clear on, she's moving to my area no matter if we are dating or not. She's moving here because her friends are here and she was moving here before she even met me. That's the only reason why I'm attempting this LDR because it's very unlike me to try one. As for an update on my end, she's actually planning a visit in a month.... so fingers crossed!
     
  14. DrakkarTyrannis

    DrakkarTyrannis

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    So I know this dude who's a depressive, alcoholic trainwreck..but still he's a cool guy, just not the best at dealing with his sadness.

    This motherfucker got too drunk to go home...at work...and stayed the night last night at his job so he'd be there for the next day.

    I went to keep him company since he was alone, sex happened, and it seems more than likely that it's going to repeat.


    Why the hell can't I leave hot messes alone? I know better but goddamn it I can't avoid getting attached to dumpster fires.
     
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  15. Albake21

    Albake21 "Just get a used Ibanez Prestige."

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    Maybe you enjoy the process of helping others? Sex probably wasn't the greatest choice, but I actually understand the attachment to "dumpster fires".
     
  16. broj15

    broj15 SS.org Regular

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    As someone who habitually has a thing for ppl that they have no business getting involved with I can relate. I find it difficult to have sex with someone without inevitably getting caught up in my feelings, so I've chose to be celibate for the past year despite having opportunities to do the opposite with numerous people because I know that it won't lead to the kind of relationship I'm after: genuine, organic connection. Sounds to me like this person isn't the best long term option for you (forgive me for assuming). That being said, there's nothing wrong with getting your rocks off with someone as long as it's known by both parties that a relationship isn't really an option unless someone (in this case them) makes a change. But also remember, it's totally NOT your responsibility to help this person change/get better. I know from first hand experience.



    Also, unrelated to my previous statement, but after just 2 shifts I think I've developed a "small" crush on the new girl at work. I've always avoided dating in the workplace cuz things can get messy, but damn, they're hella cute, and sweet, and we have some mutual interests which is nice. Obviously a collective 12 hours of time spent together isn't much, but I'm thinking of letting things simmer (aka covertly find out if they already have a partner) and then maybe ask them if they wanna chill sometime after work and see how they respond. I guess we'll see. It's been almost a year now since my last relationship ended and they're the first person I've met that's piqued my interest enough to want to pursue something more than friendship.
     
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  17. DrakkarTyrannis

    DrakkarTyrannis

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    There's that. I'm a fixer. I see people too damn silly to save themselves so I figure I'll do it. Obviously that doesn't work but it's a dumb trait I'm working on getting rid of. He's just so adorably hopeless....ugh
     
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  18. MFB

    MFB Banned

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    Circling back to this since I had my session on Saturday, didn't get a chance to ask her while I was there because her boss and the next client were also right there as we were setting up my next appointment and I felt that would've been an inappropriate/awkward situation to put her in; but I did send her a text afterwards inviting her to the show as we were talking about the band before, and she's busy that weekend.

    If something is going on during the next time, which is supposed to be my last session, I might try again, or just let it go and have her be the nice girl who worked at a place I needed to go for a bit.
     
  19. broj15

    broj15 SS.org Regular

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    Welp, just an update but the girl from work asked me out for drinks a couple weeks ago and it was quickly established that we both have a big crush on each other. Been hanging out quite a bit the past couple weeks and it seems to be going pretty well.

    On the down side one of my other good "friends" who is also a coworker has apparently had feelings for me (though I've previously told them I'm only interested in being friends and they were recently seeing other people) and they're not taking it well at all. This has manifested in them being a huge bitch to me, and even more so towards the person I'm currently seeing. For example, I recently received a long winded text about how I'm a coward, selfish, bad friend among other things, all because they saw me picking up this girl from work the other night. We had made plans to hang out at her place when she got off so what am I supposed to say? "Ok, have fun walking home in the cold/dark. I guess I'll meet you at your house".

    It sucks because I feel like this part of a relationship is supposed to be all about having fun and getting to know another person, but we're both being inundated by someone outside of the relationship (who I have absolutely no history with) who can't seem to handle thier emotions in a professional way. Frustrating.
     
  20. c7spheres

    c7spheres GuitArtist

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    Don't let it go man. You will always be wondering what could have been. You never know, these things somtimes can last a lifetime. I'd just tell her how you feel and let her know you wanted to keep things professional, but now that you may not be comeing back again soon that you'd like to see her again and maybe go out sometime. Slip her your number and ask for her's and be on your way.
     

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