Need advice on dealing with anxiety/stress

Discussion in 'Lifestyle, Health, Fitness & Food' started by vejichan, Jun 3, 2021.

  1. odibrom

    odibrom .

    Messages:
    4,944
    Likes Received:
    2,849
    Joined:
    Dec 2, 2014
    Location:
    ... perto de onde a terra acaba e o mar começa...
    You didn't lost anything, you choose not to have those. It's quite a difference and it all depends on your perspective versus the perspective imposed to you by external references. The idea that you lost is an external imposition because probably those lost opportunities would grant you more money or more this or more that. What is not told you is what you'd have to pay to get there, which, most likely would be your health, either mental and/or physical.

    You choose not to follow those opportunities because there was something wrong when the choice was offered to you. Find that wrong and own it. Maybe it was unsupported fear you had about something, maybe it was someone you felt uncomfortable with.

    When I was a kid, I was forced to learn classical piano because my grandmother was a teacher. Nobody asked me if I liked it or wanted it. I felt disposed in that music school like a toy in a box. It obviously didn't go well for me, but my sister endured it all. She did the full piano course and has an excellent musical understanding (and ear) that I never got because i went the self-thought way. Some times I regret my choice, others, I do not, but I couldn't have done it any other way. I'd be hurting myself inside. DO NOT REGRET your past choices, own them.


    I've been practicing Kung Fu since 1994 and I've also studied Yoga for short period of time (about 2 to 3 years) around 2000's and understood a lot of how the body works and reacts to whatever hits it. These 2 activities taught me that there's only one way to conscientiously slow the heart beat: breathing exercises. Breathing is the hardest thing we do when we are born, it's also the first and the last thing we do in our life-time. It's also, unfortunately, one of the most disregarded actions of our body. There are several breathing exercises with different purposes, but they all improve the oxygen level in our blood and, therefore, will better our clarity on our own thoughts. It's the reason why when someone is stressed/confused is told to breath deeply and calmly, because it will increase the oxygen level in the blood AND will decrease the hart beat rate (eventually blood pressure as well). When in stress, breathe.

    :::

    A full breathing cycle is composed by breathing IN and breathing OUT actions. The following exercise should be done by full cycles and coordinating the IN and OUT movements with one's heart beat. This exercise can be done in several levels of difficulty and by any person, young or old, healthy or not, even with heart or lung problems. The deepness of the exercise must be self regulated and should evolve with practice. So, here it goes:
    1. preferably lying down on one's back (but can be done sit on a chair, or even standing up) and without moving anything (as much as one can if not lying down).
    2. the breathing cycle is composed by 4 actions that should be coordinated with one's heart beat: breathing IN, holding IN, breathing OUT and holding the lungs empty:
      1. Breathe IN, filling the lungs to full capacity during the time of 3 heart beats
      2. Hold the breath IN during 3 heart beats
      3. Breathe everything OUT during 3 heart beats
      4. Hold your breath with the lungs full empty during 3 heart beats.
        • END of one cycle, repeat.
    3. there are 2 points of difficulty that should be known/addressed:
      1. one is the number of heart beats one counts, they should be the same on all 4 actions. Start with 3 for a week, then 4, then 5..., then 10 heart beats per action = 40 heart beats on a full cycle.
      2. the other is how deep the breathing IN and OUT is. This exercise should be done using the full amplitude of the lungs, so one should have the lungs full when breathing in and completely empty when breathing OUT. Of course this is kind of difficult, specially for those who smoke, for example, or have lung problems, but one should take this easy, for easy is the way, meaning that in the first week the lungs won't work on their full amplitude, but one will work on it.
    4. This exercise has no down sides besides one's health getting better and that is, sometimes, frightening. Start slow.
    5. The regular practice of this particular exercise will gradually augment the lungs capacity and regulate the heart beat.
    6. The optimum is to do this exercise with at least 10 cycles each time or about 10 minutes per day (before bed time works well).
    7. This exercise IS a form of MEDITATION, since it centers/focuses one's thoughts on oneself, on one's breathing and heart beat, meaning that everything else gets put aside, anxiety included, during the exercise.
    Do not, at this point, experiment with fast and deep (full amplitude) breathing. That is a completely different exercise with also different purposes (mostly to get the most oxygen possible into the blood)... it will not calm you down when in stress.


    That is the competitive perspective. It's not necessarily wrong, but also not always right (in my experience, it's mostly wrong). However and some times, it also is THE correct action to do, for it puts in place/perspective things we thought as unbearable and transforms them in a grain of sand. How and when to use this as a tool is something we are constantly learning during our lifetime. This is why I'm hitting the key of "get into a martial arts school" argument, because these schools teach all of this on their essence... or at least, they should.
     
    jaxadam likes this.
  2. vejichan

    vejichan SS.org Regular

    Messages:
    1,016
    Likes Received:
    130
    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2012
    Location:
    New york
    Thanks for the advice. My anxiety/excessive order is not something i expect you to understand. Its kinda like going bungee jumpee and having your heart and blood pressure at 2000 bpm and constant fear/negative thoughts is on replay every minute/every hour/ever second. yes 2am its like this. I can't turn it off like i have stated. Its a problem.. an excruciating painful problem. I have suffer from this all thru out my life and seems to get worse as i get older..
     
  3. Mathemagician

    Mathemagician SS.org Regular

    Messages:
    4,382
    Likes Received:
    3,870
    Joined:
    Jul 6, 2014
    Therapy/counseling. I know it may not be free in the US, but that’s going to make the biggest difference in you working through it.
     
    odibrom likes this.
  4. odibrom

    odibrom .

    Messages:
    4,944
    Likes Received:
    2,849
    Joined:
    Dec 2, 2014
    Location:
    ... perto de onde a terra acaba e o mar começa...

    I cannot ever understand what you're passing by, because a) I'm not in your head and b) I'm on another corner of this blue marble. I can however show you some doors that could eventually lead you to the way out of your anxiety trouble. I'll re-list them so to not let them escape the memory:
    1. Join in on a martial arts school, so to learn about confrontation, how to deal with others and also with yourself.
    2. Get a boxe punch bag, so you can vent some of that frustration off of your head and do some physical exercise at the same time.
    3. Practice breathing exercises like the one suggested previously. It won't hurt you and you may find them as a tool to regulate your own thoughts and anxiety.
    4. Eventually, join some yoga class. This is a great way for you to get in touch with your inner self, but won't exactly teach you how to deal with external aggression.

    +1

    ... and as this good fellow here suggests, @vejichan, go find yourself specialized help. The good folks here at SSO can only go this further... also, please note that getting a therapist help is not incompatible with the previous suggestions, so... you can work on both paths at the same o alternate time. They may seam parallel or divergent at first, but they'll meet in... you! pretty fast.

    If you need help in joining a martial arts or school or yoga class, ask away your doubts. It's easy to find one, but not that easy to find a GOOD one. I can help you spot the weak points on most or, at least, share my perspective.

    If you'd like to know more about breathing exercises, shoot the questions up, I'll try to reply the best I can.

    Keep the head up and strong, around here we have a saying: "o que não mata, engorda"... now go translate that from Portuguese :D
     
  5. vejichan

    vejichan SS.org Regular

    Messages:
    1,016
    Likes Received:
    130
    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2012
    Location:
    New york
    thank you for the suggestions. I have spend money on counseling/psychology and tbh they didn't help me or I haven't found the "right" one. I was single back then so i could afford to.. now that I have a family to take care of, i dont have the funds to invest in this.
    I am aware i have these issues and watch youtube videos on anxiety and meditate/excercise and deal with it.
     
  6. TedEH

    TedEH Cromulent

    Messages:
    8,517
    Likes Received:
    5,590
    Joined:
    Jun 8, 2007
    Location:
    Gatineau, Quebec
    A guitar forum is probably the wrong place to go for this kind of advice. What you need is a therapist or someone who can help you in person - someone who is ideally a professional and knows what they're talking about, and is properly trained to work with you and the particular details of your situation. And you're right to say maybe you just haven't found the right one - it's like any other job, sometimes you'll work well with certain people and sometimes you won't. Random suggestions of "just don't think about it that way" and "just get into martial arts and you'll be fine" or random inspirational-sounding quotes and cliches, etc., aren't going to do anything for you if you haven't figured out the core of your problems and have some proper guidance to address them, along with the oversight and accountability that comes with getting someone else involved. I understand that everyone means well, and a lot of the advice is good advice in general, but a few random internet comments aren't going to be able to solve severe anxiety or disordered thought patterns.

    Going to the internet for this kind of stuff is the same is using WebMD to self-diagnose. You're almost certainly going to think you have something you don't, and not actually figure out what you are dealing with.

    I know that people don't always type the way they really talk or think, but the way you type things out - here and in your other threads - reminds me of some people I know who deal with some pretty heavy psychological issues - some bad enough that they're unable to hold down jobs or take care of day-to-day things on their own. The only thing I've ever seen truly set them in the right direction was finding the right professional advice.

    Best advice I can give other than that is to remember that it's as much your family's job to take care of you as it is your job to take care of them - the whole point of functioning as a unit is that each member supports the other members. Regardless of whatever else you do, your partner, or other family members, etc., can be that element of accountability to keep you on the right track when things go off the rails.
     
    odibrom likes this.
  7. vejichan

    vejichan SS.org Regular

    Messages:
    1,016
    Likes Received:
    130
    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2012
    Location:
    New york
    Thanks but i have to do what i can to continue working and provoding for my family. If it wasnt for the inspirational quotes and little thingsRandom suggestions of "just don't think about it that way" and or random inspirational-sounding quotes and cliches, etc. I would probably have not got a promotion in my job, taken risk to go to work in anotther country, work as a guitar tech for several bands, landed jobs, gotten married to a beautiful woman and raising adorable kids, write and make my own music...i say i accomplished some things in my life despite my disorder or anxiety issues or psychological issues. Yes they are there, yes i struggle with them every day/every minute, yes i am not normal but i need to keep living life and enjoying life experience and doing what i can for me and my family. I have gone down that road looking for the right counselor/psychologist and just spend too much $ and in the end none of that helped. I would just be a "Poor" mental case, I rather use that $ for my family and me. For now I just do what I can to keep the issue at bay and in check even If it means posting on here and getting advice, excercising, eating healthy, talking to friends, reading inspriation quotes, mental excercises, every little bit counts anything for me to just get thru each day.
     
    Last edited: Jun 8, 2021
    odibrom likes this.
  8. vejichan

    vejichan SS.org Regular

    Messages:
    1,016
    Likes Received:
    130
    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2012
    Location:
    New york
    "What you need is a therapist or someone who can help you in person - someone who is ideally a professional and knows what they're talking about, and is properly trained to work with you and the particular details of your situation."

    to clarify, i have spent 2 years and over 5k on different therapists/psychologists .. they did very little to help with my situation. Also i realize those 2 years I was basically just home doing nothing with my life just looking foward to my next session

    I decided no more so i started excercising/buying gear (GAS is real!)/ talk with friends, eat healthy, reading inspriation quotes, mental excercises, every little bit like the inspirational quotes and little things...Random suggestions of "just don't think about it that way" and or random inspirational-sounding quotes and cliches, etc. all these little things.. i started changing my life. I taught a college students, high school, elementary students.. being in front of 50+ students and talking and teaching is not something I would have ever been able to do.. got a promotion in my job, taken risk to go to work in anotther country, work as a guitar tech for several bands, landed jobs, gotten married to a beautiful woman and raising adorable kids, write and make my own music...all this in a span of 8-10 years. And the techniques/strategy i use to help me with my anxiety etc was all free.. sure its just a band aid and doesn't solve the real problem but at least i am living life. So going back to the therapy session .. i think i'll pass.
     
    odibrom likes this.
  9. TedEH

    TedEH Cromulent

    Messages:
    8,517
    Likes Received:
    5,590
    Joined:
    Jun 8, 2007
    Location:
    Gatineau, Quebec
    A lot of the meat of what I was trying to get at was that if you really are looking for help, the best kind of help you're going to get is in person help. I still say a therapist is best, but it also means your family, trusted friends, maybe your work provides some kind of benefits or you can reach out to other people there. The point is that there's not much people can do for you over a guitar forum, and it's very difficult for anyone to assess what's really going on with you over a handful of text messages.

    Also, you need to be careful to not think of therapy or any other kind of help as a solution that someone else will just do for you. The REAL solution is ultimately going to come from yourself - everything else is just to steer you in the right direction, but ultimately you have to be the one to put the work in. Maintaining mental health is work. And it's work for everyone, it's not like there's a divide between "healthy and not healthy people" or "normal and not normal people". Everyone has struggles. Nobody is perfectly average and normal.

    If you think "I did everything my therapist said, and I'm still not cured" - then you missed the point. It's not about giving you step by step instructions, because there are none. It's about providing you with the tools to ask WHY certain things work or don't work for you so that YOU can implement the patterns in your life that will make you feel and function better.

    It's just like in the other threads about recording and guitar playing -> ultimately, whether it comes from random people on the internet or a professional, it's up to you to absorb the information and understand why that was the advice given, and apply it to your situation on the basis of the REASON, not just following the instructions because someone said so.
     
    odibrom likes this.
  10. odibrom

    odibrom .

    Messages:
    4,944
    Likes Received:
    2,849
    Joined:
    Dec 2, 2014
    Location:
    ... perto de onde a terra acaba e o mar começa...
    Hey @vejichan, it looks like you already have the tools you need to overcome most of your anxiety problems, you may just feel insecure about using them consistently. The way you wrote in these last 2 posts is completely different from your previous ones. Analyze that deeply.

    On the older posts you seemed insecure with yourself, with the paths ahead of you, but not that much on these 2 last posts. In these two last posts you clearly stated what you do not want... which leads me to the following thought...

    Society has a fucked up way to control people's expressiveness and creativity, which results in depression and anxiety and all that shit... many times we just have to say NO... to whatever is fucking with our mind/will. I used to say to my daughter that 60 seconds of a tantrum equals to 60 seconds of joy that cannot be recovered. It's not about "denial" in a way that one thinks that a problems don't exist, like an excuse to run from it. It's about staring at the problems and tell/yell/scream at them to fuck off... it's a matter of changing one's perspective/attitude...?

    ... does this make any sense?
     
  11. vejichan

    vejichan SS.org Regular

    Messages:
    1,016
    Likes Received:
    130
    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2012
    Location:
    New york
    I have over time build up a defense system where i recognize whats going on and try to deal or handle the issue. In the past it was tough because i wasnt aware and was at a complete mercy to my thoughts..yea i was alone and lost many many relationships

    Case in point.

    Lets say i send an email to someone. He or she doesnt respond. My immediate reaction is this person hates me..doesnt want to work with me..maybe nobody likes me here...maybe i dont fit here...yea those thoughts would be on constant rotation 24/7 and my emotions and body will have an extreme reaction similar to when u are in a rollercoaster or the feeling of fear when u go bungee jumping. Nonstop yes at 2am..I suffer from
    this

    So in the midst of all this i have built a defense psyche which says wait...maybe the person is busy or tied up with something else.. maybe thats the reason why she isnt responding to my email. Etc..dont act crazy and start spamming her with emails asking...dont quit etc..

    Its tough but thats a glimpse to the warzone in my head.
     

Share This Page