I'm Transgender. Ask me anything.

Discussion in 'Off-Topic' started by SexHaver420, Dec 8, 2020.

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  1. SexHaver420

    SexHaver420 Oops I'm a girl.

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    I'm well aware of how predatory and weird gay men can be too. Something something Grindr app pre transition. Most of the people who messaged me on there thought they could turn me gay because I'm bi because they thought I was straight and they had a straight guy fetish. It made me feel pretty gross. I don't miss being late teens/early 20s and really lonely just because of stuff like that.
     
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  2. DrakkarTyrannis

    DrakkarTyrannis

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    You're doing that "Not all men!" thing that some guys do when women say men are creeps.

    We're specifically talking about straight men because of how they view LGBT people and their views are why they target those types and rely on the balance of power regarding "normal" people and LGBT people.

    Gay men aren't doing that..some of them are just creeps because they're creeps.

    Not to mention gay men don't beat the shit out of straight guys. Gay men don't kill straight men for being straight. Gay men aren't sleeping with straight men undercover while passing laws to take away the rights of straight people. Gay men don't actively build oppressive institutions and preach about the immorality of straight people.
     
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  3. eggy in a bready

    eggy in a bready SS.org Regular

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    ok, but i was saying men can be just as predatory and abusive no matter their orientation. not sure how you got "not all men" out of that.

    men prey upon other men, just as they do women and trans people.
    gay guys absolutely beat the shit out of, and in some instances kill their partners.
     
  4. DrakkarTyrannis

    DrakkarTyrannis

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    Again, we are talking about straight men preying on a minority.

    No one is saying gay men can't be bad people..but they don't do it based on institutional prejudice and the privilege afforded by their orientation. That's a straight dude thing.
     
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  5. eggy in a bready

    eggy in a bready SS.org Regular

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    i get what you were saying. i was making an aside, since someone brought up straight men.
     
  6. eggy in a bready

    eggy in a bready SS.org Regular

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    homophobic violence against trans people perpetuated by straight men is one thing. domestic violence between gay men is another. but they are both symptomatic of the cat and mouse game that men play.
     
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  7. DrakkarTyrannis

    DrakkarTyrannis

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    @SexHaver420, I know you've got some chaser stories. Do tell. I've got quite a few
     
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  8. SexHaver420

    SexHaver420 Oops I'm a girl.

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    I actually don't. I haven't even tried to date or hookup with anyone since I started transitioning. I'm pretty insecure about all of it and trying to date men as a woman is weird and new and scary to me. The closest I've got is being catcalled a few times walking to 711. I don't really live in a super big city either and it's hard to go on a date or meet people because all indoor dining and stuff is closed because of covid.

    Also I have 0 sex drive now and all I want to do is cuddle with someone cute and I have some friends who are girls for that.
     
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  9. DrakkarTyrannis

    DrakkarTyrannis

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    Giiirl....get ready cause the fuckshit is coming, lol.

    Unrequested dick pics constantly, weirdo crazy messages, all kinds of nonsense. To be fair a lot of it will be hilarious, especially when you get used to it.

    And don't worry, you WILL get used to it.
     
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  10. SexHaver420

    SexHaver420 Oops I'm a girl.

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    I've used Grindr before so I know what I'm in for. Hopefully I'll get less unsolicited butthole pics tho. :p
     
  11. DrakkarTyrannis

    DrakkarTyrannis

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    Nope. LOTS of married guys and whatnot looking to bottom for t-girls. The best thing is sharing the crazy pics and stuff you get with friends. Me and my friends used to die laughing and some of the shit we got.
     
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  12. TedEH

    TedEH Cromulent

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    You've gone right for the most extreme version of that, but if you take the malicious edge out of that statement, the literally "they're trying to trick me!" part, then I don't think this is a very difficult thing to work out -> relationships/dating/sex/etc make people insecure to begin with, and depending on what you think gender is, you might feel like you've been lied to (by omission) if you don't know the whole story, which conflicts with the desire to not distinguish between trans and cis people. I can understand certain views might say that this shouldn't matter, but it's equally easy to understand that not everyone shares that view. You start getting into that really hairy situation of whether or not it's "ok" to not be attracted to trans people. I see two conflicting goals -> The freedom to be attracted or not to whoever you want, vs the freedom to be recognized as indistinct from cis. It's "you can make any distinction you want" vs "you're not allowed to make any distinctions".

    Uuuuh.... is that not the definition of being gay? If a man being attracted to another man is not what makes him gay, then what does?

    I think you're falsely attributing a specific type of malice to strait dudes and I don't understand why. Any kind of person can be creepy or inappropriate, there's nothing special about it when it's done by a strait guy.
     
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  13. BlackMastodon

    BlackMastodon \m/ (゚Д゚) \m/ Contributor

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    It even came up in here, but over the last few years I gotta laugh whenever a straight guy says something like "well he isn't hitting on me so I don't mind" about a gay guy. I mean I've said it when I was a teenager and didn't know my hand from my ass, but now I can recognize that it all falls under the gay panic thing. The average straight guy seems to REALLY think that everyone wants to fuck them and he needs to chase them away with a stick.
    I don't necessarily think this is true. For example, I'm very attracted to Henry Cavill but still consider myself straight. Do I wanna fuck him? Nah. Do I think he's RIDICULOUSLY handsome and charming and likes a lot of the same nerdy shit that I do so I wanna be friends with him and meet his dog? Fuck yeah.

    So I guess it's splitting hairs but I'd say you can be attracted to someone without being sexually attracted to them.
     
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  14. DrakkarTyrannis

    DrakkarTyrannis

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    All of this has already been explained. Also men is in quotation marks for a reason
     
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  15. TedEH

    TedEH Cromulent

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    I was trying to make the point that I don't think there's very much of a legitimate fear from strait dudes that they're going to be literally forced into sex - but I can speak to a legitimate fear of not wanting to be stuck in a situation of rejecting someone in a dating situation because they are trans, you're not into it, and now you're labelled and as "transphobic". I agree with you that any sort of panic that you're going to be assaulted by trans people is pretty ridiculous.
     
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  16. DrakkarTyrannis

    DrakkarTyrannis

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    The gay panic defense literally stems from the idea that it's reasonable for a man to freak out and defend himself against a "man pretending to be a woman" in order to trick the straight guy into sex. It's called the gay panic defense because the straight man is seen as literally defending himself from an sexual predator.

    The deviant "man in disguise" has been a trope since forever. It's been in movies, books, etc. Go to facebook, find a post about trans women and check out all the straight people claiming that men are posing as women in order to sleep with straight men. As a former drag queen and someone who knows several people under the trans umbrella and having experienced it myself, I can tell you it's most definitely a fear of lots of stupid straight men.

    They aren't worried about offending trans people, they're worried about being tricked into being gay as if such a thing were possible.

    I do agree that some men worry about not navigating romantic encounters with trans people because they don't want to be rude. I was the same way at one point.

    Romance, attraction, etc aren't always PC playing fields. Sometimes you find out that certain things just don't do it for you. How you react and handle it makes all the difference.
     
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  17. Randy

    Randy The Pusterience™ Super Moderator

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    In what context? Like, you meet at a bar, fall in love, visit Rome and on your honeymoon night you find out they have a penis and you call the whole thing off?

    I mean, because in any other contexts it's like anything else in dating. Meet a girl online, meetup in person and she doesn't look like her profile pic and there's no attraction, now you have to decide whether or not to finish the date and how to let her down. Because if you characterize that as a "fear", then it's a stretch.
     
  18. DrakkarTyrannis

    DrakkarTyrannis

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    I think what he's saying is there's an anxiety in not handling the situation properly and coming off as a bigot...or thinking you're cool with it until you realize you aren't and then the awkwardness of backing out of the situation without seeming like an asshole.


    There was a time where I wasn't sure I could hook up with a trans dude because I wasn't sure how it would go. Knowing trans people and knowing how they can sometimes view themselves as well as having first hand experience of being rejected, I didn't want to treat a trans guy like some sort of endurance test that I'd chicken out on. I didn't want to make them feel like an experiment.

    Then eventually I just got over it. The key? Treat them like any other dude, because they are.

    I will say though, dating a trans person often means supporting them and being there for them during the trans journey. Straight guys often don't have experience with that sort of thing and can't empathize in maybe a way a gay guy could. So it may be somewhat intimidating trying to date a trans woman and not make her feel bad.
     
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  19. TedEH

    TedEH Cromulent

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    You're both taking what I say to the farthest possible extreme.
    In any context. Like meet at a bar, decide you're not into it, suddenly you're an asshole.

    You're right, it's mostly like any other awkward dating situation. I wasn't trying to suggest it wasn't...
    Except that it potentially comes with a "you are no longer a socially acceptable person" label.

    Let's reframe that example a bit - and again, I'm exaggerating for effect - but I do know people who like to screenshot their tinder conversations and shame people online who don't live up to their standards. Say you get a match, try to back out because you're not interested, get called a transphobe, it gets posted around the internet, and suddenly you're in HR having to defend why they should continue to employ a supposed bigot.

    Maybe that sounds ridiculous depending on your work environment, but we've had issues come up for things as simple as "referring to a group as 'guys'", or one person who got in trouble for using the word "dude" while holding the door open for someone.

    Again, I'm exaggerating a bit - I don't actually think I'm going to get fired because I anger someone during a date that went poorly - but I don't deny it could happen, and I can understand why someone would think it's a very real risk.

    Yes. Thank you.

    I don't think it's a stretch to call it a fear. Even just posting in the thread at all feels kinda risky cause some people make big deals out of this stuff.
     
  20. Randy

    Randy The Pusterience™ Super Moderator

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    That is world class shitty, full stop.

    Anyway, I still think it's a little gay panic-y.

    And I don't mean that as a criticsm, I've been in bars and approached by gay or trans folks before and didn't handle it especially well (I was younger) because I was concerned about how other people would interpret me being seen talking to them. And that's not entirely unfounded either, because I've been attacked for being "seen" talking to LGBT people before. As late as a couple years ago I had people yell "FAAAG!" at me going into a bar just because a friend of mine is gay.

    So anyway, I'll concede that an unwanted advance from a trans person is maybe received differently than it is from a person of the opposite sex. It's just a matter of filtering out if that's because of your bias or something external.

    I personally identify primarily as a straight male, but I will say that my mind became way more open when I was removed from the fear of how other people would treat me as some kind of motivating factor.
     
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