I Feel Like this Should Be Mandatory Reading

Discussion in 'Off-Topic' started by BlackMastodon, May 29, 2014.

  1. BlackMastodon

    BlackMastodon \m/ (゚Д゚) \m/ Contributor

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  2. rectifryer

    rectifryer Banned

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    HAHAHA I love how it talks about how white knights get mad at "hot girls" when they don't fall for them for just being nice. Deal with that I guess lol.
     
  3. no_dice

    no_dice a very bad old bear

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    I can't read it at work, but I'll have to check it out later.

    Girls I know have talked about white knights turning on them when they don't get the desired result, some even attempting to sexually assault them. To me, that just goes to show that they're bullshitting their whole nice guy act, and they get angry when they feel they've wasted their time and effort.
     
  4. jimturmoy

    jimturmoy Well-Known Member

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    I used to be that kind of guy too. I never realized how thinking I was the one being misunderstood/ignored actually made everything centered around me. This was a very good read, hopefully it will open some people's eyes.
     
  5. AngstRiddenDreams

    AngstRiddenDreams Filthy Casual

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    Wow what a great read, thanks for sharing that man. :yesway:
    I personally do not identify with the group that he refers to. I mean obviously most people wouldn't be able to identify with us on our guitar and music related conversations, but other than that I've always fit it.
    Anyways, I completely agree with this guy. I've been learning a lot lately by meeting tons of entitled assholes at college, they're always unhappy about something they didn't get.

    There is no reason to be upset :lol:
     
  6. TedEH

    TedEH Cromulent

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    I find articles like this are a good reminder that there are all types of people out there, because I think we tend to forget that point. There are days that I feel embarrassed to be lumped in with all of "men" in the world, because the image of what it means to be a man has become so twisted and artificial.

    There's these two conflicting ideas of "real men" (I'm sure there are more), one of which is the friend-to-everyone, perfectly selfless gentlemen, and the other is the crude beer/gym/chasing women stereotype- and neither of these things is realistic.

    The article calls this "programming", but I don't think it's as deep as that. People emulate other people- men act like what they think men should act like, what men on tv act like, what their friends act like, etc. There's no built-in urge to think in terms of everyone owing you everything, we learn that from other people. "If you were a REAL man you would.... " "If you do that, you're not a REAL man" etc.

    The problem is that the article doesn't escape this kind of thinking. 'Are you really a good guy when you say shit like “hot chicks”?' Sure you are. Because you probably only said it because you knew other men were listening. If you don't call them "hot chicks" around other "dudes", you'd be less of a man- or conversely, if you DO say "hot chicks", you're not a "real nice guy".

    Don't get me wrong, I think the authors line of thinking is a huge improvement over the "LIFT ALL THE THINGS AND BANG ALL THE LADIES" mentality a lot of men have now, so it's progress- but there's still progress to be made.
    [Edited for spelling]
     
  7. BlackMastodon

    BlackMastodon \m/ (゚Д゚) \m/ Contributor

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    Yeah this was basically me growing up. I was basically a nerd in a jock's body but I got along fine with everyone, even when I had really long hair and a beard for more than half of high school.

    I just get really tired of seeing people on the internet or even friends of mine bitching about the "friendzone" and so on. I did that for a little while, too, but I realized shortly after that there is absolutely no reason why a woman should owe me anything just because I do a favour for her, and if I'm doing it for the sole reason of trying to get laid then it isn't a selfless act and is basically bullshit. There were a few things in the article that were a bit eye opening to me, too, so that's why I wanted to share.


    As a guy that enjoys both beer and the gym, I can only half agree. :lol: That is pretty true, though. Just like women are subject to the media showing unrealistic expectations for them, guys have to deal with trying to fit into their idea of what is manly and what isn't. What's worse in my opinion are the ones that try to be "alpha." :rolleyes:

    I've gotten a lot more comfortable in my skin these past few years, mostly because I realized some of the things the article talked about. The world becomes a much more tolerable place when you don't think that everyone owes you something and you're able to take responsibility for the things that you do and the things that happen to you.
     
  8. caskettheclown

    caskettheclown Sexytime!

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    "Women don't owe you anything".


    That needs to be spread across the country to all these poor saps "OMG i'm stuck in the friendzone QQ" so they will stop being selfish
     
  9. asher

    asher So Did We

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    I've never taken the friend zone to have this angle to it. To me, and everyone around me I've heard use it, it's effectively unrequited romantic interest with someone you're friends with, or want to remain friends with, and you haven't been able to let go of that yet. It's just a want, effectively, but by no means an expectation?
     
  10. rectifryer

    rectifryer Banned

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    It's ok to be friends with girls. It's kinda creepy to linger around until they settle for you. Here's looking at you Tarantino.
     
  11. asher

    asher So Did We

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    I feel like this should also be mandatory reading:

    [​IMG]
     
  12. AngstRiddenDreams

    AngstRiddenDreams Filthy Casual

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    I've had long hair and a beard since sophomore year...


    Are we the same person? :eek:


    Also to the above post :rofl:
     
  13. Hollowway

    Hollowway Extended Ranger

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    Yeah, I agree with most of the blog. In general I think that as you get older (i.e. Out of high school) you realize that there are loads of people just like you, and it's the smart nerds that end up doing well in life. But that's hard to see in high school and part of college. And I think it's a necessary thing to feel like things suck and aren't working out well if you are going to improve yourself. If you feel like everything is fine, there's no way you'd better yourself. As an adult, this blog doesn't offer much news to me, because I've figured it out. But what I wish is that there was more of a step-by-step thing in high school and college.
    One of the things I was most surprised about this Rodgers kid is that he hated PUAs. But PUAs are primarily nerdy kids who approach picking up girls the way they'd approach a math problem or science experiment. I've read those books about it, like The Game, and the stuff from Mystery, and it seems like it was specifically designed for introverted non-jocks to have some tools to talk with girls.

    It's also practically a law of nature that young women like asshole guys, and young men like hot shallow girls. Older girls (ie late 20s) come around to liking good guys, and guys end up liking girls who can hold a conversation and are interesting.

    It's interesting that this Rodgers tragedy is generating way more talk about this outcast nerdy guy thing than previous tragedies like this. I hope that guys like this are able to use this positively and learn, and grow, from it.

    Edit: Also, I never understood what was wrong with the friend zone. It's the ideal place to showcase what you're about, and have a girl get to know you for something other than your looks. For myself, if never consider making a move outside of the friend zone. It's how I met my wife, and how every significant relationship in my life started.
     
  14. TedEH

    TedEH Cromulent

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    I think that, in terms of the 'friendzone' discussion, it needs to be acknowledged that there are at least *some* women that are well aware of the effect of stringing along a male friend that they know is attracted to them without properly letting them down. I'm by no means blaming women for men's unrealistic expectations, but not all of the women who have men in the 'zone are oblivious to the situation. Let's not kid ourselves, no matter who you are, it feels good to know that someone is attracted to you, so it's not that hard to believe that someone would want to hold onto that confidence boost instead of admitting that there's no chance a serious relationship will develop.

    Rather than saying things like "friendzones don't exist", or "men are selfish", we should be using this discussion to examine ourselves- and admit that people are more complex than we give them credit for.
     
  15. asher

    asher So Did We

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    Holloway, I don't think what you're describing is the common use of friend zone. I think it's almost always been tied to the rejection of one's advances, not just starting from being friends.
     
  16. BlackMastodon

    BlackMastodon \m/ (゚Д゚) \m/ Contributor

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    Unfortunately I've cut my hair and kept it short the last 5 years. As for the beard, I've been rocking the full grizzly Adams for a little while now.

    Back on topic: Definitely good points there Holloway, but I considet the 'friendzone' to be that inappropriately defined rejection that many people use as a crutch. I think there's nothing wrong with befriending a person before dating them, because I'm the same way as you where any meaningful relationship started that way for me and will most likely continue to be that way.

    @ TedEH, there are absolutely some women that string guys along and get some kind of kick out of it, there's no denying that. People are definitely a lot more complex and there is a huuuuge grey area between the black and white.
     
  17. rectifryer

    rectifryer Banned

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    A lot of girls do lead guys on, though. I certainly wasn't trying to refute that lol. Some guys lead themselves on, that is where the problem lies.
     
  18. crg123

    crg123 SS.orgLocalArchitect

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    Same. I use to feel like everyone was out to get me since I was always picked on and felt like an outcast. Then when I went to college I said screw it and I have tons of friends and a girlfriend that I've been with for 4 years haha.
     
  19. BlackMastodon

    BlackMastodon \m/ (゚Д゚) \m/ Contributor

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    Hate using my phone for posts, don't catch my typos til later. :rolleyes: ANYWAY...

    Like I said, I wasn't one of these people but I really sympathized with them. I just wish I could tell everyone that makes life hard for others in high school that none of it matters; being popular doesn't mean a goddamn thing and you dissolve into nothing just like everyone else when you're done. Only the shit you put people through does stick and it resonates in one of the worst ways.

    I can't tell them that, but my buddy who is going through teachers college now does tell his students that and it makes me pretty damn proud of him, especially with how well his students respond to him.
     
  20. Alex Kenivel

    Alex Kenivel Stunt Guitar

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    I grew up in a VERY rough area.

    From day one of school, I was made fun of for being white. This lasted all through high school.

    Not only was I the only white kid around, I was an only child, had OCD, ADHD and a mild case of Asperger's. My mother picked out my clothes, I was smart, wore glasses since the third grade and had gotten braces from the third to 8th grade.

    I had 0 females interested in me.
    I was always picked last.
    I had little to no friends.
    I hated myself and everyone else.

    I was in the 7th grade when the Columbine shootings happened. I was left alone for about a week, then was called "Columbine" for a while.

    Did I go out and find guns and make homemade bombs? No.

    Why?

    1. My school had metal detectors and police on site before, during, and after school hours.

    2. I probably would've been out-gunned by my classmates. No joke. I've seen plenty of pistols from middle school to high school.

    How did I cope?

    1. Guitar. Hours and hours of playing guitar, since I really had no friends.

    2. Graffiti. Thousands and thousands of dollars of damage done, hundreds of cans of paint. I told no one, even though there were plenty of Graf. cliques at my middle and high schools, nobody liked me. As soon as some of the writers at my high school found out about me, they snitched on me, getting me expelled from the entire West Contra Costa school district. My mom made me work with her in a refrigerated factory and took ALL the money to pay for the damages.

    I literally had no one on my side at that point. Did I lash out with violence toward my peers and parents? No. I played more and more guitar.

    I was shown some leniency from the Superintendent, who knew I had a good head on my shoulders, and was sent to a school way out-of-the-way on special probation, where I had to be searched every day, not get into a single scuffle or get sent out of class, maintain a 2.5 grade average, couldn't attend ANY school events or join any teams, and was first suspect for any and everything.

    I knew nobody at this school, but the fact that they all knew my story before I even got there, and the fact that I was the best guitarist around at the time, gave me INSTANT cred at this new school, and plenty of girls willing to go out with me.

    TL;DR : DONT SHOOT EM UP! PLAY GUITAR!!! :shred:
     

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