Why are you sad right now?

Discussion in 'Off-Topic' started by Alex Kenivel, May 28, 2014.

  1. Vyn

    Vyn Not a Sparkly Vampire Contributor

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    Thanks for the complements man :)

    I consider myself very lucky because initially after she passed I did fall down the hole of drinking every night until passing out. One of the things that did save me there was she was never really a drinker and hated drunks. Every time I'd get drunk not only would I be feeling shit from whatever actions I had done and the subsequent hangover but I'd also feel guilty as fuck for becoming someone that she'd hate. That stopped me from going any further thankfully and I managed to pull myself out of that fairly early on in the piece.

    I think it's definitely harder dealing with something that you've already once known then lost - however being alone regardless is still fucking hard man. I admire you for coping as well as you do, you're doing a wicked job :)

    Also, money can't buy you happiness but it can buy you guitars and gear which then can be used to create happiness :p

    Thank you :) Doesn't matter whether it's from a random forum member, close friend or a figure I look up to, it all means a lot!
     
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  2. EverDream

    EverDream SS.org Regular

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    Wow, that was a really good thing that she hated drunkenness then, that really worked out in favor of you not continuing the drinking. Do you want to know something? This is another coincidence for you I guess... (considering how many people on this forum probably like to drink, which is not wrong or anything) but I have never had an alcoholic beverage (or consumed alcohol in any way actually) in my entire life, and I'm not going to either. I've got enough problems with my brain without adding alcohol into the mix, so that's not something I'll ever be willing to do. So naturally I am very much against drunkenness just as your partner was. No one in my family ever had a drinking problem really, but I've come across so many news stories about people who died as a result of someone driving drunk, and heard so many stories of women getting abused (which I greatly despise, since I love women more than I do anything else), that it still bothers me a lot.

    Thanks for your admiration for my coping with being alone. What screwed me up was, school was hard for me, I never had a real friend in school the whole 9.5 years I went, just people who hung out with me because they enjoyed how upset I got when they picked on me, and in my last year I was ever in school, it was a year after spending the previous 1.7 years in independent studies, and I had started a new school I had never been to before, and I only made it 1 month and had to go back to independent studies for the rest of the year because I became the laughing stock of the school for something I did (which was something I felt forced to do because of being bullied by a teacher of all things).

    I had no friends from the school I was in 1.7 years prior, and 1 month into this school I hadn't made any friends either yet, so when I left that school, that was the last time I was ever in public school, and I had zero friends. To make matters worse, I found out there was a girl there that I had a crush on who was crushing on me too (I didn't find out until the last 2 or 3 days I was there, and it was from a classmate who noticed she was checking me out when I wasn't looking). After that school year ended I dropped out because the school work became too stressful for me to keep up with, and I was mentally unable to complete assignments. I think I was really depressed at the time and I could barely focus on anything, unless it was just some fun hobby with no pressure. For that same reason I was unable to work, so I applied (and got approved) for disability compensation, and I've been living on that ever since.

    So because I had no friends when I left school, and because I never went to work anywhere, and because I wasn't interested in going anywhere (and still haven't been to this day) I basically became isolated and have been ever since (for 16 years now). I don't want you getting the wrong impression though, I do live with my single mother, but she annoys me greatly, so interactions with her have been mostly negative because of that, so I just stay in my room, all day, and have now for 16 years. The whole problem is I just get emotionally agitated and overwhelmed extremely easily by things that annoy me. And then my brain malfunctions and I become very unstable until I lay in bed and give it time to calm back down. I haven't desired to go anywhere the whole 16 years, and I don't know why really. I'm not a psychologist, and I can't afford one just being on disability income, as it's just enough money for basic survival, not fixing psychological issues.

    I've tried lots of meds, been to lots of doctors, and have been to counseling before, and all it amounts to is a band-aid, and knowledge of how to cope, even though I'm not able to apply the coping techniques when I need them the most, because emotional triggers that come out of nowhere cause an instant change in my mental state with no warning or onset so as to apply any type of coping technique, and once that mental state has changed then I'm basically like a dog with rabies, with the exception that I don't physically touch anyone (as long as they don't touch me), I just scream, and scream, and hiss (when I get really bad, like possessed sometimes), and sometimes hit something if I notice something really sturdy that won't be damaged if I hit it (like the counter top or something), until I run out of energy, at which point I just get in bed and lay there until my sanity is back.

    Meds for this type problem just make me sleep all day, since my brain interprets the calming effect of such medicines as drowsiness. I was on medicine like this for 18 years, and I slept like 16 hours a day. I stopped that medicine a few years ago, and I can be triggered easier, but being triggered is not something that happens every day, so taking the medicine every day was needlessly causing me to sleep my whole life away. I take depression medicine every day but that only helps a little. Side effects are at the level of my tolerance limit, so I can't up the dosage without it being more con than pro to take it.

    The things that have happened in my life, external to my mind, have not been that bad compared to what some people have gone through, I realize this, but the things that have happened inside of my own mind, cognitively, have really been horrible. My mind has interpreted everything to be magnified in dysphoric intensity somehow, to the point where it's so overwhelming to my emotions that my mind shuts down, while still conscious, whenever I'm exposed to the perceived dysphoric stimuli.

    Meanwhile what you've gone through externally to your mind IS really horrible, way worse than anything that's ever happened to me, and you handled it like a champ IMO. I wish my brain was that good. As it stands now it seems like my brain is on course to rob me of my entire life since no matter what I do, or how I think of things, I can't seem to find a will or desire to even exist really. I won't ever try to take my own life, I leave that up to God, nature, the universe, whatever made humans, and I do believe it's something alive and intelligent. I believe this because I feel it within me when I'm mentally dead. In the meantime, as long as I am still alive... I just do, to the best of my ability, what I can to make myself happy, from day to day. If I fail often, it's definitely not because I'm not trying, but because I'm not mentally skilled enough yet, to not fail often. I just think it would be a shame, if I went my whole life failing more often than not, because I never succeeded in becoming mentally skilled enough to succeed more often than not. I just wish I was better at this thing called life.

    I'm still alive. I'll keep doing my best to survive life, until I die. Bye for now guys.
     
  3. Ernesto

    Ernesto SS.org Regular

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    People have no reading comprehension skills these days. I either have to stay out of intellectual conversations, attempt to pad controversial ideas and dumb down my thoughts so an easily offended third grader can understand, or I end up offending people that I don't mean to offend and am trying to help.
     
  4. Andrew Lloyd Webber

    Andrew Lloyd Webber Part-time Elon Musk impersonator

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    So I’ve seen.
     
  5. narad

    narad SS.org Regular

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    Next time on #im40andthisisdeep
     
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  6. TedEH

    TedEH Cromulent

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    Not sure if this goes in the sad or mad thread. But I think I've finally reached my limit with the cat I picked up last year. Despite really not being a cat person, I took in a cat that had been abandoned last year, thinking I was doing a good thing and could make it work, but it's just not working. I feel like the cat has taken over my space, and I'm not able to just be comfortable in my home anymore. The constant threat of it scratching my things (it uses my guitars and amps as scratching posts, despite having provided it with things to scratch), and the fact that it JUST NEVER SLEEPS and keeps me up basically leaves me stressed out 99% of the time whenever I'm at home. It's affecting my mood, my work, etc., so I think it has to go for the sake of my own wellbeing. When I asked on facebook if anyone wanted a cat, everyone insisted that I'm the problem and just need to try harder to entertain it. THAT WASN'T THE POINT. I'm 100% done with trying to work my life and home around a cat - I just want my home back. Cat has to go, even if everyone's gonna call me an asshole for doing it.
     
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  7. Demiurge

    Demiurge Intrepid Jackass

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    ^If it doesn't work, it doesn't work and no one should judge you for it. It was a good thing to try to help a stray, but they may have emotional problems or special needs. I know that people think that shelters encourage adoption of litter mates or "bonded pairs" as a cheap way to offload more animals, but I think that it helps them be socially-healthy. A solo cat with an owner who works and has other things to do may not do well depending on their energy level or personality. Maybe it needs a home with other animals to keep it engaged.
     
  8. TedEH

    TedEH Cromulent

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    I never thought I'd say this, but I'm incredibly sad that my cat is gone. I had a mild break down the other day shortly before my last cat related post - I had been woken up a couple of hours earlier than I'd have liked, by the cat of course. And work was stressing me out as well. Add to that, I realized today that the cat is going in to heat, which is why she's been so obnoxious lately. I know - I should have had her fixed by now, that's on me. But either way, between work stress and the cat driving me nuts, I woke up and was so mad/frustrated by all the things the cat gets in the way of -> I can't sleep, I can't get any work done, I have to arrange things in my apartment so the cat can't get to them, amps and guitars have to be kept put away so I don't end up playing -> And it was pissing me off to the point that when the cat wakes me up the morning, I'm screaming at the cat to go away. Like I've been having legit screaming fits/tantrums at this stupid cat almost every day this week, which is incredibly unlike me. I'm normally super chill about pretty much everything. So I decided that I needed to make a change, and offered the cat to a friend of a friend who said they'd take it. They have a cat already and wanted a companion for her.

    They came by and picked her up 3 hours ago. Within that time I watched a movie, and then had another break down because of how quiet and empty the apartment is. So was I yelling at the cat because the cat was being an asshole, or was the cat the last thing keeping me from breaking down most of the time? I don't know. I just know I'm left incredibly sad and doubting my decision. On one level I think I did the right thing - I'll be able to sleep and relax, and the cat is probably going to a much more capable owner. But on the other hand, it's gonna be lonely here.
     
  9. MickD7

    MickD7 SS.org Regular

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    My wife’s Mum passed away on Wednesday night. She had cancer and fought all she could. We got married back in October last year and 5 months to the date of our anniversary we lost her. Since we have we got married we have dealt with two family deaths and this one has hit me like a freight train.

    How do you comfort someone who lost the person that carried them into this world, the clothed,fed and bathed them? It’s crippled my mental health which is already is in a questionable state as it is.

    She was the kindest person, she loved us dearly and I could talk to her about anything in the world. She didn’t like heavy music but she would make an effort to support my band and musical endeavours. We travelled England and parts of Europe together as a family (Wife,Me, and her Mum and Dad)

    My wife is a complete and utter mess.

    Everything feels broken.

    Ladies and Gentlemen go home and hug your mothers if you have the chance.
     
  10. High Plains Drifter

    High Plains Drifter SS.org Regular

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    My genuine condolences to you both. I've lost both my parents. You can't necessarily "do" anything to ease her pain. The grieving process takes time and sometimes a lengthy one at that. You must continue to comfort her, listen to her, and support her. But obviously you are taking this loss quite hard as well, so you both must allow yourselves to lean on one another as you digest this tragic loss. Allow her to cry, to recount stories/ memories, to scream, to express her anger, and to be weak and vulnerable. You yourself should also feel the right and maybe the responsibility to express these things as well. The emotional pain and the subsequent void will be mended in time and although this event will leave a scar upon your heart, you will get beyond this and ultimately reach acceptance and solace. If you feel that you or your wife are having an unmanageable time dealing with her mother's death, then you can certainly seek professional counseling in order to get through this. One aspect of longer-term "therapy" that helped me when I lost my mom, was memorializing her... something that can be accomplished in many different ways... from visiting a loved ones grave-site, to talking to their spirit, to doing things that make you think of them, etc. These can be simple acts and they can indeed help. Volunteering or making a monetary donation to a cause or organization that she believed in might also be a nice way to pay tribute to her life. Please don't dismiss the fact that you were genuinely fortunate to know this woman, as were others. Sometimes that fact in and of itself can help a grieving person to process the loss. It sounds like she was a pretty terrific lady and I think that after you're able to get beyond the initial grief, that the memories of what a special person she was, will help greatly in not only allowing you to accept this, but in procuring a lifetime of positive feelings regarding her impact on your life and especially in the life of your spouse.

    Condolences again, brother.
     
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  11. MickD7

    MickD7 SS.org Regular

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    Thank you for the kind words and advice dude, it’s been a tough time and losing someone like that has certain left us both hurting pretty badly. It’s a good thing we have one and other to lean on.
     
  12. Ralyks

    Ralyks The One Who Knocks Contributor

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    Lost my grandma earlier today. The grandparent I was definitely closest to. And my last remaining grandparent. Cancer is definitely an evil incarnate.
     
  13. DistinguishedPapyrus

    DistinguishedPapyrus SS.org Regular

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    Sad right now because one of my relatives is away on an awesome trip to the beautiful countryside of Italy with her husband and his side of the family, a once-in-a-lifetime type thing... and she doesn't know it as of yet but her father is currently laying in a hospital bed back home where I live. He was admitted right around the time they were just landing in Italy. Not an expected thing either, kinda out of the blue. He was fine and everything was business as usual here when they left. My relative, she's not my sister but she's like a sister to me, it's fucking killing me inside that she has no clue what she's gonna be flying home to. I've barely slept these past few days.

    The rest of the family, myself included are kinda distraught, don't really know how to tell them in any kind of easy way. I know it's gonna break her... she's very close to her dad.
     
    Last edited: Mar 31, 2018
  14. EverDream

    EverDream SS.org Regular

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    If it were me, I'd wait until she gets back to tell her. Otherwise it will spoil her trip to Italy. What happened to him, if you don't mind sharing it? Whenever I hear stories like these where someone is fine and then all of the sudden they are hospitalized, my first thought is always "What happened?". Anyway that's horrible, but at least she has her husband and you for emotional support.
     
  15. Kaura

    Kaura SS.org Regular

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    Too much work. I begged my boss to give me a lot of hours before my first half of summer vacation that starts in a few weeks but I don't know if I can make it that far. I like working in manual labor because it's easy mentally but sometimes it can be very taxing on your body.
     
  16. PunkBillCarson

    PunkBillCarson SS.org Regular

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    For some reason, I'm just not finding a lot of joy in my hobbies. It's like I want to want to play video games, read, and play guitar but when I actually get down to it, it's like "bleh." I don't know why, either. Nothing is wrong, I don't think, I just don't find joy in it right now.
     
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  17. johnucol

    johnucol New album out now: https://goo.gl/PdPVYh

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    I feel sorry for Isis, as in the band from California, for being dragged through the mud unnecessarily because of their name.

    P.S.- if you are considering forming an extremist cell, please name it Coldplay.
     
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  18. p0ke

    p0ke 7-string guitard

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    Been there too, man. Don't worry, it'll pass :) I lost interest in video games some time ago too, I just kept feeling "can't this end already so I can do something else". I still don't enjoy playing video games like I did when I was younger, but I found myself a new hobby in home improvement that I've really enjoyed lately. I'd say you just need to switch things around a bit to find what makes you happy right now, and once you've done something new for a while, you might start enjoying the old stuff again. If you feel like you don't really enjoy doing anything at the moment, then don't force yourself to do anything.
     
  19. TedEH

    TedEH Cromulent

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    I've usually found that when I'm in that mood it's because there's something else in particular that I'd rather be doing. The very simple solution, if that's the case, is just to give in and go do that thing.
     
  20. p0ke

    p0ke 7-string guitard

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    Yeah, except I used to have that feeling even though I didn't have anything specific to do.
     

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