Why are you mad right now?

Discussion in 'Off-Topic' started by Faine, Apr 8, 2012.

  1. vilk

    vilk Very Regular

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    I just want to vent, don't know where else to do it. I'm not mad, but I couldn't find a why are you concerned about the state of your mental health thread. Let's see if I even post once I'm done writing

    Feeling good isn't worth feeling bad, for me. The way that I experience feeling bad is many degrees more extreme than the way that I experience happiness. Idk, maybe that's normal for everyone? But the difference is that to me, the values don't match in the end, not even close. The positive value of feeling good isn't even remotely near the negative value of feeling bad, and I feel like through this I've built up some kind of deficit.

    My life is objectively super good. I have my own apartment in a cool neighborhood, I'm happily married, I have a good relationship with my friends and family, and I basically do whatever I want whenever I want. I'm employed making salary+benefits. My parents and inlaws help a little with finances so that my wife and I are able to live slightly above our actual means. I should be a happier person. I understand that happiness is a choice, but even when I choose to be happy about the good things in life, the moment that there's a bad thing all good things are instantly crushed. My immediate response to every bad thing, no matter how small, is that it'd be better to be dead. I wouldn't have to deal with the bad things if I were dead. I wouldn't have to wake up, I wouldn't have to do anything at all, not even think. I wouldn't miss those good things that I can barely bring myself to notice. I get caught in this track of thinking, and it only seems more and more appealing. Actually, the only downside I can think of is the negative effect it would have on my loved ones. But obviously I wouldn't even have the capacity to know about those negative effects if I were dead, thus they're not really a problem. I feel like I'm practically talking myself into it... but really, I'm making a pretty excellent sales pitch--at least to me. I always think it on bad days, but recently I even think it on good days, which is confusing to me.

    I don't want to see a therapist because A) I think they'd tell me to take pills B) time money effort C) I don't have the balls to ever actually actually off myself, so I'm not really worried about it.

    I know that this might sound crazy to some of you, but somehow I think that a huge source of the stress and anxiety that permeates all areas of my life comes from driving in rush hour. It makes me so upset every day that as soon as I walk in the door the only thing I want is to intoxicate myself to take my brain off the hook, and I usually can't even enjoy my dinner because I'm thinking about cars. I can't focus on anything my wife says. I'm trying desperately to look at the TV so that I can turn it (my head) off. But I am I just blaming rush hour? Is it just a scapegoat? I can't know.

    I wonder if I could be happy if I just flipped burgers at the Charcoal Delight 2 blocks from my place. But I'll never find out, because I could never let myself risk the financial instability. Also it seems likely that I'm only fooling myself--it's just another grass is greener on the other side. Even if my job was different, even if it were 'perfect for me' despite that I have no idea what that is, I'm not sure that I truly believe that could help the way that I grossly overreact (internally or otherwise) to bad anything.

    If I could have any life I wanted, any life at all, I think I'd just marathon TNG and then jump off a building

    Is it the result of having things too easy?
     
    Last edited: Oct 19, 2017
  2. TedEH

    TedEH Cromulent

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    That whole thing reads to me as a "seek some help" situation. Take a vacation, see a therapist, something. Anything except for nothing (or dying, don't die). I mean, I go through some pretty regular (as in frequent) "my life should be objectively pretty great but I still feel like sh*t" moments but I can usually identify the cause or just push through it. If you can't identify a cause or just get through it, then what other option is there than to get help? If you don't want to take pills then don't. Nobody will force you to. I've never spoken to a therapist, but what's the worst that could happen?
     
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  3. Ebony

    Ebony Mr Sunshine

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    There is no such thing. Things surely have an objective value, but the quality of your life is entirely subjective.

    No but it may be the result of having a life that is too composed, too constructed. Stagnation and repetition thru the formation of a "circle", in terms of how life is lived both physically and mentally is a symptom of the age we live in. Our bodies and minds are still designed for struggle and chaos with occasional interludes of peace, so when life becomes too placid our brains have to supply the madness and destruction even though we may have no use or desire for it. The key is the overcome it, something I believe cannot be done permanently but has to be done in small portions thru the entirety of life.

    I will say this: If you feel like life is choking you but you're afraid of "ruining" what you have now by taking a break from it (or some of it at least), I would advise you not to be.
     
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  4. MFB

    MFB ExBendable

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    New dresser I ordered was missing a piece of the framing for a drawer, but had duplicates of another type of framing. Now I have to haul it up to the UPS store and ship it back to them, and get my money back to buy a different one.

    At least this one will be a known brand, I can't find shit about the other one anywhere.
     
  5. BrailleDecibel

    BrailleDecibel K-U-N-fusion!

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    My amp stopped working mid-practice, just turned off and won't turn back on. After I just got it fixed a few months back, I am not happy. :(
     
  6. Ordacleaphobia

    Ordacleaphobia Can only power chord

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    This is the key part of your post.
    I identify with a lot of what you said, as I tend to be a bit of a self-defeater, that is cursed with just enough awareness to know I'm being ridiculous also. What I've found is that it is impossible to avoid this type of thinking, and you'd do well to remind yourself of this before you do something you regret. For a lot of people in the world nothing will ever be enough because once we have it, it either loses it's allure, or we discover some hidden cost. Poor people think 'if only I were rich, I wouldn't have a worry in the world,' while rich people think 'if only I weren't so bloody rich, I could find purpose in my life,' for example. Keeping your brain in check here is super important, because although you won't notice any improvements, you'll definitely prevent any drastic dips in quality of life.
    I'm not saying never change anything, I'm just saying that before you make any drastic decisions pertaining to anything significant, take a step back, remove your emotions, and look at it from the perspective of a cold and calculating third party. You'll thank yourself for it down the line.

    So would burger squad be where it's at?
    Probably not.
    Because let me tell you, as someone who worked in food service, it's about as stressful of a job as you can imagine. For someone like me who generally can't stand people and their bullshit, anyway, which seems to be the case here. So really, although the idea of the monotony, lack of a commute, and low expectations sounds appealing, you're really just trading it for rushed orders, out of touch supervisors, picky customers, and over-demanding patrons. And yeah, once I got off work, I wanted to just get blasted because I was so worked up and pissed off I thought I was going to put a hole in my wall. Thank god my gf at the time was a saint.

    What it sounds like to me is that you need to find something to keep you positive. It sounds to me like there is one aspect of your life that is just not properly fulfilled at the moment and until you identify it and resolve it you're going to have to deal with this stress. For me, it was my pastimes. I spent too much time and money trying to be 'responsible' and 'proper,' trying to bend over backwards for people in my life that didn't appreciate it, that I didn't have the means or time to indulge myself in my music, or my PC. After restructuring things to permit for that, I've become a lot less angry and depressed. No time to be when you're always shopping for gear t̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶u̶s̶u̶a̶l̶l̶y̶ ̶c̶a̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶a̶f̶f̶o̶r̶d̶.

    And it's not like it's going to make all of the other stuff not piss you off, I'm just saying maybe it won't make it seem like the end of the world every time. If you're too busy being excited or happy about something, you can only get so mad about other stuff, right? If I'm mentally doing the math over and over to try and figure out how I can afford that dual rectifier, I'm probably not going to be as focused at the prissy soccer mom in the minivan that just cut me off at 85mph in a 35mph zone.
    Long af and it probably should have just been a PM but whatever.

    tl;dr is distract yourself, I guess.

    Man that's bullshit. I hate it when things break like that.
    No rhyme or reason. Just broke. You don't get to know why. You don't get to know what caused it. You don't even get the satisfaction of deliberately breaking it. It's just broke.
     
    Last edited: Oct 20, 2017
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  7. TedEH

    TedEH Cromulent

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    I got home late last night and tried to open my front door - broke the lock instead of opening it. When I tried to call the landlord, I had to argue with them to get them to send someone with a new knob, cause they supposedly couldn't prove that I lived there. Was already having a bad week, but being up till some stupid hour of the morning fixing the front door hasn't made it any better.
     
  8. sniperfreak223

    sniperfreak223 B.C. Rich loyalist

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    Keep forgetting to bring my selfie stick to conventions
     
  9. noise in my mind

    noise in my mind SS.org Regular

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    Some fucker stole a ton of money from me....
     
  10. bostjan

    bostjan MicroMetal Contributor

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    Did you call the police yet?!

    Happened to me last year. Getting the police involved earlier (I idiotically waited until later the same day to call, maybe 1 1/2 to 2 hours) probably would have saved me a large amount of headache.
     
  11. noise in my mind

    noise in my mind SS.org Regular

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    Yes, my lawyer is now involved. The process has been going on all summer and continues. It's the worst. I am not sure how much longer I can afford my lawyer for civil etc. I might just drop things all together and just take the lose. I am very angry, but I am trying to move forward. I really don't want this process to become my "life."
     
  12. bostjan

    bostjan MicroMetal Contributor

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    For me, the process took about ten months, and then I got 90% of my money back. During the interim, I had severe financial problems as a result, which cost me a lot of money in other unexpected ways, but there was finally light at the end of the tunnel. I hope your luck is at least as good or better than mine.
     
  13. iamaom

    iamaom SS.org Regular

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    I'm fiddling with a hardcore punk concept album. First song is going great, everything is just flowing from my fingers and I'm putting it in tuxguitar. Time for a break down, sounds bad ass. Go back a day later and listen to it. Something is off. Listen to break down a few more times. It's the main theme from the Nutshack...
     

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  14. pondman

    pondman Build Whore. Contributor

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    Bad router accident, waiting for surgery
     
  15. Zender

    Zender Tinkering, please hold.

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    Ikea does not sell the "Rast" nightstand in my country. And I don't want to use a Lack as 19 inch rack.... damn them.
     
  16. pondman

    pondman Build Whore. Contributor

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    Had a bad router accident yesterday, cut-through the nerves, bones and tendons on the back of my hand. Waiting for the surgeon to arrive to jjoin things back together. Could have been worse.
     
    Last edited: Nov 5, 2017
  17. naw38

    naw38 SS.org Regular

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    That’s shitty, man. Don’t try to move your hand at all before surgery, the doctors kept telling me to try and move it after I had a kitchen accident, turns out that pushed the tendons further back and they had to cut further down my hand to retrieve them.

    Also, if they give you exercises to do, keep doing them. Cause heavy scarring sucks on your joints.
     
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  18. DistinguishedPapyrus

    DistinguishedPapyrus SS.org Regular

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    Oh man that sucks. That's like one of my worst fears in the shop. I hope you make a full recovery and are able to get back to building, playing, everything else... keep us updated.
     
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  19. pondman

    pondman Build Whore. Contributor

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    Worst thing is that they told me to get here at seven this morning and it's now twelve thirty and I'm still waiting for surgery.
     
  20. TedEH

    TedEH Cromulent

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    First thing I did when I got to the office this morning was drop my unopened coffee all over the carpet. I was mad, but they gave me a new coffee for free.

    @pond good luck with the surgery - I can't imagine a worse thing to injure than your hands.
     
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