The "Stupid Stuff the Audience Says" Thread

Discussion in 'Live Performance & Stage Sound' started by LeviathanKiller, Dec 3, 2011.

  1. Zombie13

    Zombie13 Guitartist

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    Was at a friend's show a few weeks ago, we've known each other for a few years, so I know their music and how we kid around. During the middle of their set, they finished playing and I drunkenly yelled out "Free Bird!" and everyone by the stage laughed, then they actually stared playing Free Bird. My friend asked me to come up and sing, and I only know that one line, so I embarrassingly declined and got the band a round of shots. :ugh:
     
  2. TedEH

    TedEH Cromulent

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    At one of the first shows I ever played, there was a guy who kept shouting "play a song about dragons!", so eventually our singer announced a song as "sure, here's a song about dragons!" (Obviously the song was not about dragons.) When the song was done, the response was "Thank you for playing a song about dragons! I am extremely pleased! I like dragons!"

    I've got a recording of it somewhere. Good stuff.
     
  3. Element0s

    Element0s Low Fantasy/Black Denim

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    For fun, mainly.

    Seriously tho: I'm not saying that I would criticize them while they were onstage. I'd save that for after. Most of my actual onstage heckling happened with bands who I knew personally, which happened to be most of them. Most of the time we had a laugh.
     
  4. bostjan

    bostjan MicroMetal Contributor

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    I think I already shared this one, but maybe not...

    I was playing at a house party. Someone in the band knew someone who knew the people throwing the party. It was a cool setup outside with BBQ and jarts and stuff.

    Then it got dark, and people started getting a little bit freaky. It was all pleasant, though, nothing scary at all. This dude came up to me and said: "Do you guys take any requests?" I started to tell him it depends, but the drummer cut me off and said, "Sure! We can play anything!" So the guy says, "I want to hear, umm, I wanna hear some Wutang!" Well, there you go, that's why I never say I'll take requests, because the guy might ask for Wutang, and we obviously can't pull that off, even if we had time to prepare. We just kind of ignored the guy after that, but he kept asking for Wutang.

    After a while, there were some fireworks, and we started playing again, but Wutang guy was quite noticeably missing. I figured he went home or passed out somewhere. An hour and a half later, I'm packing my stuff in, and I hear "Why didn't you guys play any Wutang?! I waited all ****ing night to hear it and you ****ers didn't play it!?" I turn around and the guy is an inch away from me behind me. I'm usually pretty difficult to sneak up on, so I just didn't know how to respond, so I just sort of gasped. "I thought you left..." I retorted. Then the guy kept like stumbling into my way while I was trying to load out, always mumbling about how we led him to believe we were going to play some Wutang, then disappointed him.

    #1 It seemed like such a random thing to request from a hard rock band.
    #2 The guy got really creepy and spooky while we were packing out.
    #3 I still have nightmares about him randomly appearing behind me talking about how we should have played Wutang for him.
     
  5. Element0s

    Element0s Low Fantasy/Black Denim

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    Ah man, we had this crew of dudes in Edmonton who would shout "WU-TANG" at every show they went to. A couple of them guys played in a thrash metal band and a pack of us showed up to a gig with picket signs that spelled out W-U-T-A-N-G like a bunch of goons.
     
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  6. lewis

    lewis SS.org Regular

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    just as our vocalist goes to say his first line of non singing dialogue

    Vocalist - *Breathes in to start talking*

    Crowd member shouts before he can talk * "TELL US WHO YOU ARE"* in the most nasally american accent you will ever hear. Was dead quite in that 3 second space so her shouting was incredibly loud.

    Was so awkward because what was prepared then kind of had to be abandoned for "Oh ok we are....."

    was awful
     
  7. Science_Penguin

    Science_Penguin SS.org Regular

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    Random drunk guy- "F.ck Target! I do cocaine!!"

    ...Seems benign enough. The problem is, he screamed it from on the stage... into the microphone... while we were playing...

    I don't know how we didn't see him run up there in the first place, but, luckily for us, it was during the keyboard intro to one of our heavier songs, which meant our drummer was able to get up from his set, force the guy off the stage, then get back just in time to bash out his remaining frustration.
     
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  8. Winry Ember

    Winry Ember SS.org Regular

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    There's always that one dude in the crowd that really wants to hear Free Bird... But maybe that's just because I live in Texas xD
     
  9. bostjan

    bostjan MicroMetal Contributor

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    He doesn't want to hear Free Bird, he wants to draw attention to himself.
     
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  10. LeviathanKiller

    LeviathanKiller Knee-shooting Archer

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    A call to play Freebird is really a call for help :agreed:
     
  11. feraledge

    feraledge Black Walnut Pounding Bragger Contributor

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    I love this. It just feels like both sentiments are probably equally heartfelt and sincere.
     
  12. boogie2

    boogie2 SS.org Regular

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    "There's always that one dude in the crowd that really wants to hear Free Bird... But maybe that's just because I live in Texas xD"

    My resonse used to be to flip them off and yell "NO CHARGE!".
     
  13. jonsick

    jonsick SS.org Regular

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    Someone shouted that to me at one point to. My instant response: "You are what you eat!"
     
  14. Spaced Out Ace

    Spaced Out Ace 0 0 1 0 0 6 5 0 3\

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    And cocaine induced. Classical cocaine animated insanity. Also, just wanted to point this out: Yes, random "drunk" guy. Emphasis on the quotations.

    Awful? That's hysterical. I don't see how that is "awful." :lol:

    You should've kicked her out and taken her coat. "No coats. Get her out of here and take her coat!"

    Amazing. This is exactly how you deal with hecklers.
     
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  15. DudeManBrother

    DudeManBrother Blames it on "the rain"

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    We played a show without a singer years ago: in the middle of a song, a homeless guy came the the door and was shouting, “do you need a singer?” and was shoved outside by the door guy. After our set; we were loading the van and the guy was sitting on the sidewalk singing Alice In Chains as his “audition”. I told him we are a death metal band and require a different style of vocals but appreciated his interest and bought him a subway sandwich :cheers:
     
  16. marcwormjim

    marcwormjim SS.org Regular

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    Ah, the ol' "Subway Singer" con.
     
  17. bostjan

    bostjan MicroMetal Contributor

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    About 2 years ago my band's practice space was in an abandoned antique store right on the main retail drag "downtown" (as much as a town of ~5k population can have a downtown). There are curtains up in the big windows in the front of the store now, but back then, there were not. We figured it'd be good exposure for us, since we could rehearse and sort of advertise at the same time. Well, one particularly nice day, this rather disheveled fellow came through the door and was shouting something, so we stopped playing for a moment and he announced that we would be the perfect band if we had a tuba player and that he was going to be right back to prove it. Sadly, we never saw him again. I guess I'll never know what we would have sounded like with a random vagrant playing tuba with us. :shrug:

    While I'm off topic, I'd love to relate just how entertaining and, often, frightening, auditions can be. Out of all of the crazy shit I've heard as a musician, the lion's share of it has been not at gigs, but at auditions. Whether I'm auditioning for a new band, and they guys are collectively a little crazy or just have weird values, or if I'm inviting someone I barely know to my house to audition for my band...whoo...

    I'd be surprised if any of my more entertaining stories about auditions would pertain to many people still pursuing music as a hobby, even, but I'm not going to name anyone just in case, and I'll keep quotes brief.

    "No, I only play standard cover songs, nothing like you guys are talking about." (We played CCR, Led Zeppelin, Rolling Stones, Beatles, etc. in that band, and he was answering an ad that made that clear.)
    "You guys play metal? Awesome! I only want to play really heavy stuff." "Like what?" "Only really heavy killer metal stuff!" "Like what bands?" "You know, not any of that p*$$# stuff people call metal, that's not really true metal." "Like, Morbid Angel, Cannibal Corpse, Death?" "Who?" "Like Death Metal, or what?" "Yeah, death metal, like Ozzy...or Nickelback!" "Did you just non-jokingly call Nickelback death metal?!"
    "Play something that sounds like robots." "What?" "I want you to play a riff that sounds like a robot?" [plays random 12-tone serial lick] "Dude! Perfect! This was meant to be - it's like you can read my mind!"
    "You need to learn to play more like Steve Vai, and your drummer needs to choke his cymbals more like an eagle!"
    "Do you want to see the knife collection I keep in my car?"
    "You have a really big basement. Can I move in?" (we smiled and chuckled) "No, seriously, I honestly don't know anyone in town and I don't have a place to stay. I only have, like two cardboard boxes that I'd need to take out of my van."
    "I really don't feel like performing right now, but I don't think it's necessary...I mean, look at this" [then gestures to own body] "I mean, you'll have no problem booking with this on stage!" [winks]
     
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  18. prlgmnr

    prlgmnr ...that kind of idea

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    Terrifying, but also a missed opportunity for possibly years of great stories.
     
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  19. bostjan

    bostjan MicroMetal Contributor

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    In that case, the guy seemed really nice, but also something was a little bit off, you know. Like he'd make a joke, and we'd chuckle, and then he'd follow it up with "No seriously...". His musical style was not at all what we were going for with the band, and it became evident pretty much right away, then we were kind of in that classic awkward situation of "how long do we jam with this guy before we break the news?" Usually, I try to get that out of the way as quickly and unambiguously as possible, but this guy was really desperate to join the band, and it just made everything really awkward. When we told him "thanks, you're good, but we just aren't interested," it got really weird when he acted like we were messing with him and refused to leave my house for the next ten minutes.

    Last time I went looking for a drummer, I got some really interesting phone messages and a few weird conversations. It's probably too recent to share anything publicly, but one dude assaulted me when I told him he wasn't really what we were looking for. I decided after that point that even though we were no longer doing auditions at my house, I was going to have to vet people a lot more before even meeting face-to-face. I don't care how desperate I get to fill a vacancy, it's not worth having an unstable dude try to bite you.
     
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  20. lewis

    lewis SS.org Regular

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    :lol:
     

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