Separate names with a comma.
Discussion in 'Off-Topic' started by bostjan, Sep 8, 2017.
Yes. Yes. Give the pitches the V. Pitches love vibrato.
Three ropes were lost in the desert when they found a small town. The only place to get a drink was the local saloon. Unfortunately, there was a sign on the door that said, "No Ropes Allowed.". The first rope went in, and the Bartender promptly said, "Hey, no ropes allowed, and threw him out." The second rope said, "You have to show them who's boss." (he was a bigger 1" rope). The second rope went in, slammed his head on the bar and said, "Bartender, give me a drink!". The Bartender just coiled him up and threw him out. The Third rope, was a bit meeker than the other two. So, he tied himself into a little bow, combed the tassel at his end, walked in to the bar and sat patiently on a stool. The bartended eventually came to him as took the rope's order. The bartender was about to serve the drink, and ask, "You're not a rope, are you?". The third rope replied, "Nope, I'm afraid not."
This in not a pun per se, but this is maybe my favorite joke-telling ever -- seems to fit the general atmosphere here:
What did the custodian say when he jumped out of the Janitor’s closet?
When CS Lewis was writing his book, someone asked what it was about, and he said "Narnia business."
Did you ever hear about the silk worm race? It ended in a tie.
Sex on an elevator is wrong on many levels.
My friend got a doctor to agree to do a brain transplant on him. Halfway through the surgery, the doctor changed his mind.
Cemetery plots are the last thing you should invest in.
Just to keep everybody updates, I picked up some batteries really cheaply. They were free of charge.
Ronnie Corbet (of The Two Ronnies) used to do stuff like this. He'd be sitting in a huge wing-back chair and take five minutes to ramble through a loosely connected story that would end in a horribly simple punchline.
Yea, these are sometimes referred to as "shaggy dog stories." It's important to be unaware you're listening to one though, so I can't seek them out.
Totally forgot that term. I've crossed that age threshold where I've forgotten more than I currently remember.
I tried befriending a bunch of militant vegans, but they didn't give a rat's ass about me.
An earthquake just hit my local cemetery. Many sustained grave injuries.
A woman walks into a bar and asks for a double entendre, so the barman gives her one
It's only a murder of crows if there's probable caws
Seeing your joke, I think you might get the pun of this oldie:
unzip, strip, touch, finger, grep, mount, fsck, more, yes, fsck, fsck, fsck, umount, sleep
Posted this in another joke thread two years ago:
Why don't more people live in Norway?
They can't afjord it.
I’m at my kids’ music lessons. There was talk of a piano dropped down a mine shaft. The result was a flat miner.
Not truly a pun, but in the vein of bad dad jokes:
Q: What do you call two young violinists playing in unison?
A minor 2nd
I’m glad my kids play flute and guitar
Not a pun, but-
I was walking down the street the other day and came across a piano smashed on the side of the road. Naturally, my instinct was to look up, since it must have been dropped there because we live in a cartoon.
Some guy dropped a box with german sausages on me yesterday. Talk about wurst case scenario.
You want terrible pun? In spite of valentines day I made this one up, although it must exist already:
What do you call it when a couple takes a trip in a hot air balloon?
A friend asked if I wanted my 80's hairstyle back, I said i'd mullet over