Terrible Pun Thread

Discussion in 'Off-Topic' started by bostjan, Sep 8, 2017.

  1. ElRay

    ElRay Mostly Harmless

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    Yes. Yes. Give the pitches the V. Pitches love vibrato.
     
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  2. ElRay

    ElRay Mostly Harmless

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    Three ropes were lost in the desert when they found a small town. The only place to get a drink was the local saloon. Unfortunately, there was a sign on the door that said, "No Ropes Allowed.". The first rope went in, and the Bartender promptly said, "Hey, no ropes allowed, and threw him out." The second rope said, "You have to show them who's boss." (he was a bigger 1" rope). The second rope went in, slammed his head on the bar and said, "Bartender, give me a drink!". The Bartender just coiled him up and threw him out. The Third rope, was a bit meeker than the other two. So, he tied himself into a little bow, combed the tassel at his end, walked in to the bar and sat patiently on a stool. The bartended eventually came to him as took the rope's order. The bartender was about to serve the drink, and ask, "You're not a rope, are you?". The third rope replied, "Nope, I'm afraid not."
     
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  3. narad

    narad SS.org Regular

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    This in not a pun per se, but this is maybe my favorite joke-telling ever -- seems to fit the general atmosphere here:

     
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  4. DudeManBrother

    DudeManBrother Hey...how did everybody get in my room?

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    What did the custodian say when he jumped out of the Janitor’s closet?

    752C8A48-109F-4F2B-A18F-F5D9BD6FD394.jpeg

    Supplies!!!!!!
     
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  5. bostjan

    bostjan MicroMetal Contributor

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    When CS Lewis was writing his book, someone asked what it was about, and he said "Narnia business."

    Did you ever hear about the silk worm race? It ended in a tie.

    Sex on an elevator is wrong on many levels.

    My friend got a doctor to agree to do a brain transplant on him. Halfway through the surgery, the doctor changed his mind.

    Cemetery plots are the last thing you should invest in.
     
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  6. ElRay

    ElRay Mostly Harmless

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    Just to keep everybody updates, I picked up some batteries really cheaply. They were free of charge.
     
  7. ElRay

    ElRay Mostly Harmless

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    Ronnie Corbet (of The Two Ronnies) used to do stuff like this. He'd be sitting in a huge wing-back chair and take five minutes to ramble through a loosely connected story that would end in a horribly simple punchline.
     
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  8. narad

    narad SS.org Regular

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    Yea, these are sometimes referred to as "shaggy dog stories." It's important to be unaware you're listening to one though, so I can't seek them out.
     
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  9. ElRay

    ElRay Mostly Harmless

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    Totally forgot that term. I've crossed that age threshold where I've forgotten more than I currently remember.
     
  10. Ebony

    Ebony Drums

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    I tried befriending a bunch of militant vegans, but they didn't give a rat's ass about me.

    An earthquake just hit my local cemetery. Many sustained grave injuries.
     
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  11. Genome

    Genome Wrex. Shepard.

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    A woman walks into a bar and asks for a double entendre, so the barman gives her one
     
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  12. StevenC

    StevenC SS.org Regular

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    It's only a murder of crows if there's probable caws
     
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  13. neotronic

    neotronic SS.org Regular

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    Seeing your joke, I think you might get the pun of this oldie:
    unzip, strip, touch, finger, grep, mount, fsck, more, yes, fsck, fsck, fsck, umount, sleep
     
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  14. Seybsnilksz

    Seybsnilksz SS.org Regular

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    Posted this in another joke thread two years ago:

    Why don't more people live in Norway?
    They can't afjord it.
     
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  15. ElRay

    ElRay Mostly Harmless

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    I’m at my kids’ music lessons. There was talk of a piano dropped down a mine shaft. The result was a flat miner.
     
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  16. ElRay

    ElRay Mostly Harmless

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    Not truly a pun, but in the vein of bad dad jokes:

    Q: What do you call two young violinists playing in unison?

    A:
    A minor 2nd


    I’m glad my kids play flute and guitar
     
    Last edited: Jan 20, 2018
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  17. TedEH

    TedEH Cromulent

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    Not a pun, but-

    I was walking down the street the other day and came across a piano smashed on the side of the road. Naturally, my instinct was to look up, since it must have been dropped there because we live in a cartoon.
     
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  18. Seybsnilksz

    Seybsnilksz SS.org Regular

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    Some guy dropped a box with german sausages on me yesterday. Talk about wurst case scenario.
     
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  19. Seybsnilksz

    Seybsnilksz SS.org Regular

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    You want terrible pun? In spite of valentines day I made this one up, although it must exist already:

    What do you call it when a couple takes a trip in a hot air balloon?

    An update.
     
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  20. shadscbr

    shadscbr SS.org Regular

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    A friend asked if I wanted my 80's hairstyle back, I said i'd mullet over
     
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