Terrible Pun Thread

Discussion in 'Off-Topic' started by bostjan, Sep 8, 2017.

  1. bostjan

    bostjan MicroMetal Contributor

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    Not really a pun, but along the lines of "...walked into a bar..." jokes and science jokes, why not?

    The neutrons say "Here ever were we notice even won't you. Through passing just we're, okay it's." The bartender says "We don't serve your types around here." Two neutrinos walk into a bar.

    (This joke is sort of dense)

    Two chemists walked into a bar. The first said "I would like an H2O." The second, rest his soul, said "I would like an H2O, too."

    A Higgs Boson walks into a church and says "Wait, you can't have mass without me!"

    In my opinion, absolute zero is just OK.

    He'd better keep an ion that.
     
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  2. vansinn

    vansinn SS.org Regular

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    Guitar player: Godz fck'n dammit, I always have problems with my G-string; never feels right between my fingers.
    Girl friend: Oh baby, I know exactly how you feel..
     
  3. Edika

    Edika SS.org Regular

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    I don't get this one in the sense of why you're writing from the last sentence to the first and I assume that the first (or better yet last) neutrons are actually neutrinos. The bartender would have felt the neutrons passing through him that's for sure :D.
    Even though neutrinos are subatomic particles and fermions, they don't have "time travelling" properties as tachyons are supposed to have with their theoretically calculated speed over the speed of light (I'm not sure if that was proven in a synchrotron) that would account from the reverse syntax.

    Anyway I think I ruined the joke enough for people that got it but didn't get it but I'm obviously missing some information that caused me to over analyse it.
     
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  4. Seybsnilksz

    Seybsnilksz SS.org Regular

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    Invisibility might be technically possible, but don't expect to see it anythime soon.
     
  5. bostjan

    bostjan MicroMetal Contributor

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    I guess I had not had enough coffee, and ruined the joke.

    Well, controversially, neutrinos were measured to move faster than the speed of light. It proved to be a sort of mis-estimation of uncertainty, but, oddly, repeat experiments have shown neutrinos to move faster than light, but with a lot of caveats. 1. The amount faster is always inside of experimental uncertainty, but, looking at metadata, it does appear that it's consistently enough just north of light-speed that it leaves the measurement in a weird gray area. 2. Some results have been slower than light, but not as many measurements as such.

    Ultimately, I guess, it's not really something people much talk about any more. Maybe neutrinos have some interesting small amount of negative mass or something. Most likely, the measurements are just not quite as precise as we think they are, and there's nothing really that interesting going on, though.
     
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  6. Discoqueen

    Discoqueen Dang tootin

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    I'll needle little time to figure out how to contribute to this thread.
     
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  7. bostjan

    bostjan MicroMetal Contributor

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    Where are there no ants in the Catholic church?

    Because they are all in sects (insects)
     
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  8. Discoqueen

    Discoqueen Dang tootin

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    I thought it'd be because they are ProtestANTs
     
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  9. Science_Penguin

    Science_Penguin SS.org Regular

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    I got Tosin Abasi's autograph on an AAL CD a couple of weeks ago. All the letters were upside-down, a few of them were clearly from other alphabets, and somehow he wrote them all in the shape of a mobius strip.

    When I asked him why, he told me "I like odd and challenging signatures."
     
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  10. narad

    narad SS.org Regular

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    Not bad, not bad. Forgot which thread was open in this tab and thought I was just reading a legit story.
     
  11. HerbalDude420

    HerbalDude420 SS.org Regular

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    The store keeps calling me to come back, but all I wanted was one night-stand.
     
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  12. PunkBillCarson

    PunkBillCarson SS.org Regular

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    My NEIGHbor is a horse.


    I'll see myself out...
     
    Last edited: Jan 5, 2018
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  13. Edika

    Edika SS.org Regular

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    -What's that kitty doing on the photocopier?
    -She's getting a cat-scan!

    -How do you like your coffee?
    - Me(with in Greek)-Shuggah!

    I think I'll ban myself before the mods do!
     
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  14. MoonJelly

    MoonJelly a subtle stinging sensation..

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    I know I'm late with this one, but:

    Why serve Eggs Benedict on a hubcap?

    Oh, there's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise.
     
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  15. Unleash The Fury

    Unleash The Fury SS.org Regular

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    What did one wall say to the next?

    Ill meet you at the corner
     
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  16. Church2224

    Church2224 Guitar Whore

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    I went to Seafood Disco last week, it sucked because I pulled a Muscle.

    A jumper cable walks into a Bar. The Bartender says "I'll serve you, but don't you start anything!"

    A dyslexic man walks into a Bra...

    Two fish swim into a concrete wall, one turns to the other and says "DAM!"
     
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  17. Unleash The Fury

    Unleash The Fury SS.org Regular

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    All the papers on the desk were scattered so i said "whoa whoa whoa let me get these fax straight".
     
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  18. ElRay

    ElRay Mostly Harmless

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    I really need this thread. I forgot to pay my exorcist, and I just found out I'm going to be repossessed.
     
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  19. ElRay

    ElRay Mostly Harmless

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    I worked with somebody in Afghanistan that referred to a German "LT Fürst" as "LT Awal" -- Fürst in German, sounds like the English word "first" and the Dari word for first is "awal". A Triple language pun.
     
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  20. ElRay

    ElRay Mostly Harmless

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    A grasshopper walked into a bar. The bartender said, "Hey, we have a drink named after you!". The grasshopper said, "Oh, you have a drink named Melvin?".
     
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