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Discussion in 'Off-Topic' started by SevenStringSam, Jun 17, 2010.
^^^ lmao... Indeed.
If it was my goal to pick up the kinds of women for which you'd need a wingman, then sure. But I'm otherwise perfectly happy in my single-ness. Kinda prefer it that way, one way or another.
I look at it this way: Either I'll meet someone naturally who "fits" within the life I'm already trying to build for myself, or I won't, and I won't have to worry about being held back by someone who isn't compatible with how I want to live my life.
Thanks for the replies to my other comment about what to do about the break up. Yesterday was a fun day with my friends of my high school, we went to the cinema and later to eat dinner.
But when i was in home i did the worst thing, i was curious about my ex and then found the profile of the new guy she is with and i saw a pic of both, i felt devastated in that moment and also very angry at my self and started to remember stuff about her. So i decided to throw away all the stuff that she gave to me and forget everything.
I really had enough of that and hurting myself, i dont want to know anything about her or expect nothing.
I will just keep myself busy and in making the change of my life. If the time is right i will meet another girl and hopefully make everything the right way.
That's probably for the best. It's not worth it anyways. And either way, they too will break up, and either she will make his life a living hell, or he will end up fucking her over. Either way, you gotta let people shove a fork into the electricity outlet.
Well i doubt that, the other guy seems to be a better than me and she seems happy. But as you said, its not worth it on thinking about that anymore.
I don't think you, or this new guy are the problem, SHE is the problem. From the sounds of it, she has some serious insecurities that are going to require a lot of work before she's truly able to be in a healthy, positive, functional relationship.
One last update and i'll see myself out. I guess its safe to say that we're now a thing, and i'm super happy! I mean, I was happy with my single life too, but a girlfriend as good as her is just icing on the cake. Cheers dudes!
But really, it took me a long time to get to the point where I was content with my single life. And after actually being able to enjoy that freedom, I'm with someone who doesn't make me feel confined and brings out the best side of me.
I tried to help her with that situation, i'm not perfect too, because i have my own insecurities and problems but i tried to give all to her and that she was the best person to me.
In some occasions she told me that she was worried that "i might go with another girl that would be better that her" and i always told to her that nobody was better that her, i was loyal to her in every way.
But it's more sad to me that with all those things she said to me, she's with another person after a week we broke up.
After 3 weeks of the broke up i feel not too sad but i tend to remember the good moments with her and tell to myself on why it happened and i would like to return in time and make things the best way. Last Tuesday i received a message on Whatsapp from her saying to me "I hope you are well", i feel a little weird now about that message. I replied with the same thing to her, she only watched the message with no reply.
Me again, so I'm just looking to see if what I feel is normal - I feel this forum has some great insight for us 'youngsters' when it comes to relationships.
So anyway, the girl I was on about in my last post - with whom I agreed to see what happens when we're both back from our exchanges (which is in 2 years) - has just became friends with my ex (note to self: why did I have to hook up with so many girls from my own uni??) and she told me she feels guilty because of what we are doing. Today, I decided it is best for both of us to totally end anything we had left (I've been gone for 2 weeks now already) including texting.
I feel like it was the mature and right thing to do because if her and my ex have a chance at being good friends I feel like I don't want to be the thing standing in their way. Like I tried to be empathetic and thought about my good friends - all their exes are a no-go simply because of our friendship - so I understand the dilemma she was feeling, I just helped her solve it quickly. We both thanked each other for the time spent together and the lessons we learned and told each other that we're really gonna miss 'us'.
However, I still feel like shit today, although I understand what she is feeling right now and I want what's best for both of them. It's just the fact that I've been texting/talking with this person for the last half a year all day every day and now suddenly she is gone from my life and the plan to "see what happens in 2 years" is also probably dead. I feel like I did the right thing and I am proud of myself for it and I wanna be happy about it as well but I still feel like shit today even though I really try not to, like I went for a run, I went to the gym, I ate healthy but nothing helps.
This is normal right? Anything I can do to make me feel better about it? Like it already motivated me to be a better version of myself (as did every break up) so that once they see me again they see what they're missing out on (I know this sounds childish, but this is what motivates me at the gym for example). What I am basically asking myself is if I carry too much emotional baggage to succeed with the next girl or are the things I'm feeling normal?
Uh, why can't they be friends and you two also be a couple?
The only thing that logically would stand to make that a bad situation is if one, or both, of you wanted to get back with the other. But you'd have this new girl, and if she (the ex) was to be truly friends with new girl - she'd see her happiness and acknowledge that it'd be a shitty move to try and destroy that for her own; because that's not what a friend does.
I totally agree, I debated the situation with a friend yesterday and came to conclusion that if she is what I feel she is, this won't get in the way for much longer (you know how girls in their early 20s form and also break up friendships in like 3 weeks). And if this is such a deal breaker then I guess she wasn't what I thought she was and it wasn't worth the effort anyway
Was off an on with a chick for a while. Not sure why I stayed around as she cheated on me with a guy I hate, was abusive mentally, emotionally, and physically (I had to get her arrested one night) as well as super manipulative, and ended up making me look like the problem in the long run.
Overall though, what really sucks is when someone makes you upset, then blows up on you for being upset
Because you don't value yourself and have low self-worth.
Here is a question....
Is anyone here on the Autism Spectrum and in a relationship? Reason I ask is I am (I have been diagnosed) and I am trying to figure out a few things as I know when it comes to women I go from 0 to full Aspy in .5 seconds.
I think thats true just because Ive been walked over so many times that its been deteriorated. This was the second relationship in a row Ive been both cheated on and abused in multiple ways.
I don't know where else to ask this, but here goes.
Does anyone have any tips for a guy who fell for a girl that has really bad PTSD?
I learned how to help during a flashback from some of my buddies who were in the military, so that part is a non-issue other than the fact that it can be fucking terrifying.
If you know how to help with flashbacks, I don't see what the issue could be. I don't know man, same as any other relationship, just be patient, learn to recognise triggers, have contingency plans in place. Vigilance!
Edit: That probably wasn't helpful, I'm sorry. I'm exhausted and sick and drunk and my daughter ain't even gone to bed.
You have two options basically (and I'll voice them rather harsh, to make them clear)
1) I can't deal with this, I don't want this drama in my life.. -> GTFO. And deal with the temporary shitty feeling of not being with her.
2) She's worth it, and I will stand by her, even through the hard times, and NOT dick around if things go a bit sideways, because that will hurt her even more and put a broken heart and trust issues on top of PTSD.
If you choose 2, do it with proper conviction. It may be a bumpy ride, but if she's worth it, she's worth it. Be honest to yourself, and to her. And maybe, accept it if you are not the one to help her and be with her. If you are the one, go for it!
(Talking from experience, I went for it, and never looked back, dealt with the rough bits that still sometimes pop up. And now have the most awesome friend, partner and perhaps one day wife and mother of our children I could ever wish for. Been together for almost ten years.)
[edit note] Also, contingency plans (as in, keeping a girl on the side who might be interested in you, or whatever you call it) are a bad idea. They take away from your emotional investment in the one you are with. It's all or nothing, don't dick around and let those contingency plans have a life of their own as well. [/edit note]