SS Love and Relationships Thread

Discussion in 'Off-Topic' started by SevenStringSam, Jun 17, 2010.

  1. synrgy

    synrgy Ya ya ya I am Lorde

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    Firstly, I do think it's good that you were open and honest. This is key in all points of life. That said, I have some bad news for you.

    I am only basing this on my own personal experience, so take it with a grain of salt: I think she's done with you.

    I don't mean to be harsh, and I don't mean to burst any of your bubbles, but I think that if she's already said anything even remotely along the lines of 'I'm just not that into you any more', then it's over. What it sounds like she wants now is the feeling we get when we're with someone new and exciting. No matter how much you may love her, you will never again be new and exciting to her, and thus will not be able to give her what she's looking for.

    It would be purely selfish to try and prolong things any further.

    I know it sucks almighty ass when we find out that our love is not reciprocated, and I have little consolation for you there except that you will find it again, but based on what you have described, this is where I think you stand.

    There is absolutely nothing wrong with being friends, but DON'T DO IT if you can't truly JUST be her friend. It's dishonest and harmful to you both if you try to maintain a friendship while you're just hoping that any day she'll realize she's still in love with you in a romantic capacity. Trust me: I've been down that road before, and it's some of the the worst (self-inflicted) pain I've ever experienced.
     
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  2. MSalonen

    MSalonen SS.org Regular

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    Alright, so I've somewhat recently come out of the slightly messy end to a longer-term, serious relationship (as I've detailed in another thread).

    And on the whole, I'm doing fine, and feeling a lot better. While it still sucks to think about it or her, it isn't what I'm focusing or trying to somehow "fix" or anything like that. I'm moving on.

    The issue at hand where I'm hoping to find some help is in that process of moving on. I've never really been satisfied by sleeping around, but I also most definitely do not feel like trying to find another relationship would be a good idea, even if a part of me wants that (and a good part of me doesn't).

    So, not counting the obvious answer of just being happy with myself and by myself, I feel kind of confused as to what to do. I want to keep moving things forward but I'm not sure how to direct myself in the area of women. I'm still perfectly comfortable and confident in myself, but I feel kind of lost and confused about the whole thing.

    It's also kind of awkward that a previous ex-girlfriend (not the most recent) wants to suddenly visit and hang out next month (she lives in another state). It's pretty obvious she wants to start exploring the relationship again, but I honestly don't feel that way about her anymore (though I am still physically attracted to her). So I'm doing my best not to lead her on or make her believe I want her to come but under false pretenses.
     
  3. avenger

    avenger SS.org Regular

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    Yeah thats more or less what I figured, I just found it to be weird that we had a great time together up until that very second.

    I also agree with you on the being friends thing I told her many times that I don't think I could ever only partially have a relationship with her, that my feelings would be way to strong and I would only end up hurting us both even more.

    Maybe I just feel that at first I had no chance at all and now maybe there is some sort of hope that we can patch things up.

    I still feel so fucked up that I am actually typing this. I am at work and havent slept since 10am on sunday, I havent even eaten anything all day and I have been at work since 6:30.

    I appreciate the advice alot. I am trying to not let my emotions cloud my judgement but easier said then done. I think I will just let things play themselves out. I know there is love out there, its just hard right now when the one I want to share it with is distant.
     
  4. MSalonen

    MSalonen SS.org Regular

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    Oh, one other thing.

    So I just got a new job at a place where my most recent ex girlfriend used to work (and she got fired from a few months into our relationship) and apparently (according to my new and very cool coworkers) she went in, before I did, and introduced me as her ex. What the fuck? I've never even known her, while we were together (for a year and a half) to ever go in or even hang out with anyone from there.

    I don't even know what to think, except that it seems really fucked up and weird to me, for her to be marking me with that before they even know me. And for those unfamiliar with the situation, she broke up with me.
     
  5. flo

    flo SS.org Regular

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    So sorry to read this.

    I really feel your pain, I went through the same like half a year ago. I was depressed as hell, but focused on myself and did the things I missed when we where together. I totally gave up hope. I've leaned alot from this crises.

    Apparently enough. Guess what? Three weeks later, we've been together again (and still are). I wish you good luck.
     
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  6. avenger

    avenger SS.org Regular

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    Thanks for the kind words.
     
  7. 13point9

    13point9 Now with Less Hair!

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    sounds like you're going through the exact same shit as me atm, i posted earlier in a jokey way, but i guess thats my way of dealing with the magnitude of the situation. Its been 3 weeks since she first brought it up and its been one bumpy ride, but we are apart at the moment and going to wait and see what happens. At the end of the day its up to her, but ive come round and realised that ill be happy whatever she wants (ofc id be happier if she took me back but hey lol)
     
  8. avenger

    avenger SS.org Regular

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    :agreed:

    Goodluck to all, and if she doesnt take me back I guess I can work on guitar awhole lot more!
     
  9. JohnIce

    JohnIce Singlecoils = tr00

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    I pretty much just went through this with my GF... she said the same thing, that it was boring, it wasn't leading anywhere etc... and that was when we were actually talking to eachother, mind you, and not yelling at or avoiding eachother ;) We didn't actually break up, but she suggested it, and we'd both thought about it for weeks. She basically broke me down, walked over me and moved on.

    What I did was just to mentally let go of her right there... spent time with friends, hung around people I know to like me, went to the bar with my mates and flirted with new girls etc., not with the intention to cheat on my girl but to reinforce my sense of self-worth and that the aspects of me that my girlfriend was attracted to in the first place, are still there and I'm every bit the man I was before. Basically just get back in touch with who you are beside your relationship.

    I stopped calling her and trying to meet up, I stopped insisting that we talk it out, I stopped complaining that our relationship had taken a wrong turn etc., and above all, I stopped saying I wanted her back.

    It took about three days of ignoring her until she showed up at my house late at night, with a bag of necessities, saying she's sleeping over. I kept my cool, held some distance, and throughout the night she became more and more desperate to reach out to me. I didn't even kiss her until the next day, and believe me she worked for it the whole time.

    Now we're having a better relationship than we've ever had. All because i stopped being clingy, predictable and a general lap dog to her. That shit will turn a girl off in minutes. So pick up your balls, keep your back straight and say "fuck it", you're just as good on your own as you are with her. Not only will you take it better if you do break up, but it's also the only way to get her interested in you again.

    Good luck, mate!
     
  10. avenger

    avenger SS.org Regular

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    Thanks for all the support guys, I am trying to do what you said having no communication for a few days and fuck is it hard. Everything you have said is exactly what needs to happen, if it works great if not it's time to move on.
     
  11. Fzau

    Fzau Unleash the proggies

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    You hit the nail on the head again, mate :yesway:
    This was pretty much my mistake in my first relationship :lol:

    But it does work ever so well!
    Never lose your own independent self I'd say.
     
  12. auxioluck

    auxioluck Metal Teddy Bear

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    I'd say just be honest with her and let her know you're still attracted to her, but you're still not mentally sound from your last break-up. If you actually would like to see her, or if you could use the company (and other things), I'd say invite her out. If you have no interest in being around her outside of an out-of-town booty call, I'd say forget it. It'll be easier on you and her both in the long run.
     
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  13. Tiger

    Tiger SS.org Regular

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    I have a very, very, very supportive girlfriend who really tries her best to help me in my career, and she also has an amazing ass.

    Just wanted to say that.
     
  14. TimSE

    TimSE Contributor

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    :rant: :lol:
     
  15. All_¥our_Bass

    All_¥our_Bass Deathly Chuuni

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    The only winning move is not to play.

    /thread
     
  16. JohnIce

    JohnIce Singlecoils = tr00

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    Yeah, it does suck... a lot. One important thing is to keep yourself busy with other things, and try to NOT drink alcohol. Alcohol fucks up your judgement and super-charges your emotions, which can easily lead to you taking out your frustrations on angry text-messages to her and whatnot. It's so easy to lose your discipline when you're drunk, especially when you're feeling bad. So lay off the booze, but keep occupied.
     
  17. snuif09

    snuif09 SS.org Regular

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    im always just "wasting" my time writing songs in that kind of situation most then i have something to do and sometimes there is usefull material that i can use =)

    but somtimes songs mostly lyrics tend become a tad emo....:lol:
     
  18. Fzau

    Fzau Unleash the proggies

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    It's true, alcohol does super-charge your emotions - which is obviously not what you're looking for.
    Play guitar and work the fuck out instead :yesway:

    It works for me :flex:
     
  19. Prydogga

    Prydogga Giddyup.

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    Don't fuck drunk bitches sober. That's my contribution to this thread I have not read.
     
  20. avenger

    avenger SS.org Regular

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    Thats exactly what I ahve been doing working out and playing guitar. Throw in some video games to turn my brain off for awhile aswell.
     

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