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Discussion in 'Off-Topic' started by Spaced Out Ace, Feb 25, 2018.
Except it is normal behavior, unfortunately.
Glad to hear that.
I think you went above and beyond what would be expected of someone in this situation, and that whatever happens from here, you've at least helped him. If you have any relationship with this guy or feel comfortable doing so, you could consider shooting him a line and just saying you're there if you need talk. But, you've already done a lot, and this guy is lucky to have people looking out for him.
Beyond that, as a guy who just had a good friend lose a childhood friend to suicide... You can (and should, I'd say) try to help people, but you can't make choices for them. My buddy was pretty devastated when he got the news, and felt like it was his fault somehow (the guy reached out to him shortly before he committed suicide, and my buddy - and a lot of his other mutual friends - kind of blew him off because he had a pretty bad drug problem, had been clean for a while, but usually only got in touch with people when he was back off the wagon and looking to go out and party). And while you can always second guess your choices and wish maybe you'd done something different, the reality is it's not your fault. You've tried to help, but you can't physically stop someone from taking their own life if they're determined to, so if you can't stop them, you need to be able to forgive yourself for that to. You've already done the right thing here, but if he commits suicide anyway, that isn't your cross to bear.
That really sucks dude. I'll shoot the guy a PM either today or tomorrow.
Maybe in some circles, but it's not universal. I realize I'll sound like a d*ck for saying this, but there's an element of the sort of standards people have for the people they date involved. I don't date much, but when I do, I don't commit to anyone who is of low enough moral fiber to do that to a person. As far as I'm aware, I've never been cheated on. And in the rare occasion it happened to a friend, it was far from just accepted as normal. And if it is normal, it shouldn't be. It's sh*tty behavior and shouldn't be accepted as ok.
More to the point of the topic though, I think the distance you're willing to go for someone you only know on a forum is commendable.
I never justified anything...but if a person has never been cheated on, they put on a substantial production (case in point) compared to the person who has been there before. If you’ve never been cheated on, you obviously haven’t dated much, and dating is crucial to finding out what works relationship-wise. Some people choose to play the victim...
Eh, my buddy eventually figured out that he wasn't the one to blame for his friend's death. It just took a bottle or two of scotch to get through to him, which made for a very rough Monday.
To be fair, I don't mean to say that cheating doesn't happen often. Just that's it's not a universal thing. Nor should it be "ok" and "just part of the experience". Given the huge number of people out there, experiences are going to vary. Lots of people get cheated on. Lots of people don't.
In terms of numbers of partners? You're right, I never dated much. But whenever I did, they were generally solid relationships that would last for years at a time, with at least some degree of trust involved before making any commitments. And that's part of my point- if you treat dating like a numbers game, I could understand why lots of partners increases risk of encountering cheaters- and I recognize why it would look like cheating is some kind of universal constant. But it's not. There are good people out there.
Edit: But this is pretty far off topic, so no need to discuss it here. Could always discuss in the relationship thread instead if anyone is that opinionated about it. It's just my .
I've dated enough that I'm going to go out on a limb and say that you may just be dating the wrong people, if you think that that sort of thing is normal. I can think of one time someone ever cheated on me, it wasn't until my late 20s, probably, and it's something she's since apologized for and she's actually a pretty good friend of mine today. Life is weird like that.
...as a teenager, most people are of “low moral fiber” lol - my “cheating experiences” were all when I was 15-20 years old...and yeah, it’s absolutely something to be aware of. Most people learn from mistakes...if you’ve never made dating mistakes -kudos to you. You’re in the minority...most of us have had relationship pitfalls...
I’m 38 and been married for 8 years now...
Not every social circle is the same. Does it happen? Absolutely. It's just not universal.
Trust me, I've made many dating mistakes though None of them lead to anyone cheating.
“Normalized part of the experience of growing up”...your words, exactly how it was essentially worded -I don’t see the disagreement...?
What the hell are you getting on about?
What I'm saying is that I disagree that we should normalize cheating as part of the experience of growing up, as much as I understand why people do that. Yeah, I worded that a bit weirdly. In other words, lets not make it appear that cheating is ok, or should be expected or accepted, just because it happens to a lot of people.
I'm a 36 year old bachelor, by choice. Let's say I know a thing or two about dating people who aren't fucking scum.
It’s NOT NORMAL!!!...I hear you, sheesh. The guy ALREADY GOT CHEATED ON...debating the normalcy of “cheating” is irrelevant at this point...saying “you should’ve chose wisely” now is pointless. But telling the guy “you’re not alone, it’s common” is considered bunk advice? I’m not following
Anyhoo...I think the situation has been sorted out, hopefully
I'm not sure either of us is picking up on the intentions of what the other is saying. You comments read to me as justifying cheating as being just a part of being a teenager.
I think you just REALLY started off on the wrong foot in this thread.