My mom just sent me this email.....

Discussion in 'Off-Topic' started by cadenhead, Aug 23, 2007.

  1. cadenhead

    cadenhead Get Some!

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    Something for everyone. :D

    What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
    Juan on Juan

    What is a Yankee ?
    The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

    What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
    The position of the dirt bag

    Why is divorce so expensive?
    Because it's worth it.

    What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
    Doughnuts

    Why is air a lot like sex?
    Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.



    What do you call a smart blonde?
    A golden retriever.

    What do attorneys use for birth control?
    Their personalities.

    What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
    10 years and 45 lbs

    What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
    45 minutes

    What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
    Through his chest with a sharp knife.


    Why do men want to marry virgins?
    They can't stand criticism.


    Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
    Because those men already have boyfriends.


    What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
    After a year, the dog is still excited to see you

    What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
    The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

    Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
    Because they have cotton balls.

    What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
    A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

    What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
    "Are you sure it's mine?"

    Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
    Mace will do that to you.

    Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia ?
    Everyone has the same DNA.

    Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
    Breasts don't have eyes.

    Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
    Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.

    Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
    A different bar.

    Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a blonde baby?
    They named him "Sum Ting Wong".

    What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
    A speech impediment.

    What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast?
    They're hiring.



    What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
    A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe".

    How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
    Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!

    What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
    A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time ..." -A southern fairytale begins
    "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit....

    Why is there no Disneyland in China?
    No one's tall enough to go on the good rides


    :rofl:
     
  2. shredfreak

    shredfreak SS.org Regular

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    pure effin genious :lol: :lol: :lol:
     
  3. Lucky Seven

    Lucky Seven Lucky☆Seven

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    That kinda sounds like the title of a gay porno, lol
     
  4. cadenhead

    cadenhead Get Some!

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    :ugh:
     
  5. Lucky Seven

    Lucky Seven Lucky☆Seven

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    Just saying that Juan on Juan sounds a little :gayfight:
     
  6. kindred_spirits

    kindred_spirits SS.org Regular

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    Pretty funny, though there is a Disneyland in Hong Kong.
     
  7. Universalis

    Universalis Defying gravity.

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    Heheheh...I loved the smart blonde one...golden retriever! I'm about to go out, I swear I'm gonna tell that to the first blonde I encounter on the street. Oh well, probably she couldn't understand.
     
  8. Sebastian

    Sebastian Poland CEO / RHLC ©

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    Q: What do you do if a Polak throws a pin at you?
    A: Run like hell - he's still got a hand-grenade between his teeth.





    Q: What do you do if a Polak throws a hand-grenade at you?
    A: Take the pin out and throw it back.


    An Englishman, a Frenchman and a Polak were captured by the
    Germans and thrown into prison. However, the guard was rather kind
    towards them, and said, "I am going to lock you away for five years,
    _but_ I'll let you have anything you want now before I lock you away."
    The Englishman says, "I'll have five years' supply of beer!"
    His wish is granted, and they lock him away with his beer.
    The Frenchman says, "I'll have five years' supply of brandy!"
    His wish is granted, and they lock him away with his brandy.
    The Polak says, "I'll have five years' supply of cigarettes!"
    His wish is granted, and they lock him away with his cigarettes.
    Five years later, the Germans come to release their
    prisoners. First, they release the Englishman, who staggers out
    totally drunk. Then, they release the Frenchman, who also rolls out
    rather inebriated. Then, they release the Polak, who comes out and
    says, "Has anyone got a light?"
     
  9. cadenhead

    cadenhead Get Some!

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    ^^ That last one is great! :rofl:
     

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