A Reminder

Discussion in 'Off-Topic' started by steinmetzify, Sep 10, 2017.

  1. steinmetzify

    steinmetzify CHUG & SLUDGE

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    There are a whole lot of us here, and this isn't meant as a dig, but as a reminder. You guys are some of the best people I've met on the internet and in real life, but everyone has a moment where they might need a reminder. Here you go, and you're welcome.

    There are a few times in a man’s life where it is okay to show your vulnerability- to set the armor down and trust someone enough not to wound you.

    At my grandfather’s funeral, I saw my uncle overcome with his sadness, and cry.

    At my brother’s wake, I was overcome by my own, and I cried for him, and for my father and mother, and in remembrance of all the good times we’d had and all the good ones we would never get to have.

    After an incredibly painful separation from a woman I’d been with for a decade, I spent some time traveling and drinking, coping with it in a pretty unhealthy way, until I found my way through it with the help of some brothers.

    There are things that my wife and my blood know about me, or have heard me say, that I would never say or reveal to anyone else.This is because a man should not put his weakness or vulnerability on display for the world to see.

    What is it that you are hoping for when you broadcast another failed relationship, your personal woes, inadequacies, embarrassing shortcomings, and day to day banality?

    Attention? Sympathy? A few 'like es' or hallmark 'feel better, I’m here for you if you need to talk' comments on your social media account? You should be ashamed. Your father and your ancestors would be ashamed of you.

    This constant need to broadcast not only every tiny boring detail of our day into the churning maelstrom of disgusting slop that makes up your 'feed' (ever noticed the comparison to livestock here?), but to also show every weakness felt throughout your quivering existence.

    To draw attention to your revolting need like a child reaches upward and wails for an adult to take pity on him because walking is too hard.

    To shout, not in a strong voice “WITNESS ME” as you perform glorious deeds to awe and inspire,
    but feebly, and with much cracking “notice me...please!” as you crawl in the filth of your own insecurities and revel in your weakness, seeking that attention and sympathy like a junkie sucking dick for a hit.

    Before you post, speak, signal, display - ask yourself if what you are presenting is powerful, strong, useful, inspiring, or gives meaning, hope, value, or even laughter.

    If the answer is no, ask yourself - why am I displaying this for the world to see?

    Am I a junkie? Am I a child? Am I wasting my life?

    A man is not an automatic title achieved by whatever you’ve got between your legs. It is an idea, an accomplishment, an understanding of the concept of VIRTUE.

    Try to act like one.
     
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  2. marcwormjim

    marcwormjim SS.org Regular

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    Is this considered bitter irony, or sweet irony?
     
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  3. diagrammatiks

    diagrammatiks SS.org Regular

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    you can put a medication reminder on your phone now. come on.
     
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  4. Demiurge

    Demiurge Intrepid Jackass

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    Boy, I'd really like to know what kind of incident brought this about but anyway...

    I kind of get what you're trying to say because I can relate to an extent. Airing-out dirty laundry in a public venue is tacky and, if it's just for attention, all the more distasteful. I'd rather suffer my personal issues in silence than use them as a cudgel, shield, or beacon. I'm very uncomfortable with displays of emotion around me- especially when a dude cried at my Super Bowl party.

    BUT I have to ask if it's entirely healthy, the expectation that men be emotionally buttoned-up at all times. Not that the inverse is healthy, either, but perhaps being more fair about one's vulnerabilities and finding proper outlets for one's feelings is the more 'adult' solution. Because more often than not those bad feelings get mashed-down and ferment into rage which is harder to contain and not very pretty- or adult-looking- when it comes out.
     
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  5. steinmetzify

    steinmetzify CHUG & SLUDGE

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    Nothing huge...closed down FB about a year ago. Buddy of mine that I really respect (state judo champ, minister, nuclear engineer and master carpenter) asked me to load it back up so he could show me something this evening. Did so, checked his pics, then checked my feed, which was full of nothing but guys I know whining about everything under the sun...women, jobs, life etc...

    I wasn't raised that way. The public airing of dirty laundry, I mean.

    Nothing wrong with men expressing their problems to people they trust, getting opinions and different viewpoints or whatever.

    But just slapping it out there into the world saying 'look at me I have issues!' struck me as weak and lame.

    I do have issues, and people to talk to about them...I don't talk to the whole world and sit back and await a response. To me, this is not what men do. Just reminded me why I closed down FB in the first place.

    Figured it might strike a chord here...if it offends someone, feel free to report it and have it removed. Sort of expecting it, now that I think about it...
     
  6. diagrammatiks

    diagrammatiks SS.org Regular

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    it's Facebook. it's all memes and whines.
     
  7. Demiurge

    Demiurge Intrepid Jackass

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    My feed is nearly 100% sponsored content or shared posts right now. Do I know anybody who actually thinks or says things of their own?
     
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  8. Ebony

    Ebony Mr Sunshine

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    I don't think sickly over-exposure is something that is exclusive to people who vent about their everyday misfortune.

    What about all the people who can't help themselves to not constantly gloat about all their achievements?
    You know, the kind of people who are so busy elevating themselves they don't even have the time to belittle each-other properly?

    Posting airbrushed pictures of their biceps, new girlfriends, new cars, new expensive holidays, new life-mottoes, new everything.
    Keeping up to date about what celebrity died recently with ready-made texts of recycled bullshit "homage", mindlessly posting contradictory "liberating" and "powerful" quotes from famous dead people in order to make themselves seem intelligent.
    All done under the false banner of "sharing my life with the people I love", when the reality is more akin to "I am better than you and the sole purpose of this account is to prove it".

    There is nothing wrong with being self-centered, we all are but I don't see the need for all this pretense.
     
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  9. Lemonbaby

    Lemonbaby SS.org Regular

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    I get the feeling that you might be somewhere around my age, as I'm wondering about the same thing. Often. Something's gone completely wrong when people faking a millionaire's life, girls telling you that purple shirts are “last summer“ and kids playing POV shooters get enough clicks to making a living with that crap.

    If that wasn't enought to call me an “angry/sad/whatever old man“: I don't have a Facebok, Twitter, Instagram and [you name it] account. Even to my own surprise, I have a happy and fulfilled life and don't miss anything. Go figure... :fever:
     
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  10. TedEH

    TedEH Cromulent

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    I like to think I appreciate the irony both in the post on it's own, but also in that I "liked" it.

    It really is tempting a lot of times to delete stuff like facebook accounts and just go off-the-grid, so to speak, but it's otherwise very difficult to keep connected to things like what shows are going on. If I could have basically just the events from facebook, but without needing the feeds, that'd be cool. Twitter is another one where sometimes I like some of the stuff I come across this way, but there's also so much nonsense on there that I'd rather be disconnected from.

    I'll admit that I wasn't anticipating the bolded part:
    That's not the direction I thought you were going with this. I was expecting more the opposite - I thought you were going to say that it's alright to admit some level of vulnerability. To admit you don't know everything, or that you're afraid of something, or that you'd saddened or depressed about something, etc. That you don't always have to be the stone-faced, emotionless, silent-and-strong-type "man". And I think that's a valid point to go along with what you've said. It's perfectly fine and healthy to allow yourself to be emotional, or to vent, or rant, or whatever else. But there's a time and place. And "publicly" is not usually that time or place.

    I feel like people don't appreciate just how public a place like facebook is. If I wouldn't put it on a billboard and parade around the local mall with it, then I wouldn't make that same statement on facebook. It's about as close to an outwardly facing billboard as you can get online.
     
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  11. steinmetzify

    steinmetzify CHUG & SLUDGE

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    Bolded part is exactly my point, @TedEH.

    I was struck by how many 'men' were on my FB feed just straight WHINING about everything etc....maybe people take FB differently than I do, I don't know. To me, it's a platform to keep in touch with people that you don't see a lot....and that's pretty much it.

    These guys seem to take it as a platform to whine and complain about everything under the sun, to all their 'friends'.

    I'm not at all saying that as a man in today's society you have to be the stoic....not at all. I have friends that I can bitch to if I need to. I just don't feel the need that often, and would never do it in public or on something like FB. The outwardly facing billboard is a good analogy for sure.

    Point for the post was exactly what it says, and what you said too...if you're not contributing anything by saying it, if you wouldn't walk up to a perfect stranger in public and say it, then STFU and don't spit it online to your 879 'friends'.

    All that said, I stand by the statement in my post that you bolded:

    A man should not put his weakness or vulnerability on display for the world to see.

    Friends? Family? Fine. That's part of the job.

    Anyone else? NOPE. KEEP IT TO YOURSELF.
     
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  12. MFB

    MFB ExBendable

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    So, if someone has his or her FB set to private where it's strictly friends/family, wouldn't that be a place for them to vent as you just said?
     
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  13. vilk

    vilk Very Regular

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  14. steinmetzify

    steinmetzify CHUG & SLUDGE

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    Sure. Whining at your 859 'friends'? Nah.
     
  15. TedEH

    TedEH Cromulent

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    I've had days where I've been really annoyed by something and decided I needed to broadcast that anger somewhere. So, yeah, I'd type it up on facebook, because some days I'm not the smartest person ever, but before submitting it, I'd change the privacy to "only me".
     
  16. Acme

    Acme SS.org Regular

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    I think the key is to not care too much about others. We shouldn't waste any energy on analyzing what strangers or old friends are doing and for what reason they're doing it, especially on social media. What's the point of bitching about people you don't care about bitching on a platform you don't care about? Complaining about how people are trying to show their empathy when someone lost one of their relatives? Really?! Focus on the things that matter instead. Family, real friends, hobbies, the little beauties of life. Relax guys! Peace out!
     
  17. wannabguitarist

    wannabguitarist Contributor

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    My gut impulse was to disagree with you, but you're 100% on the money. Vulnerability is okay. You should be vulnerable around your close friends, family, and significant other. It's the only way to really build a real honest relationship. It's not okay to bitch and moan to the world about your problems. The world doesn't care. Get your shit together.

    Something I wish I was more aware of when I was younger.
     
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  18. Anquished

    Anquished hhnice!

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    This is the reason I just use the FB messenger app and not the main site anymore. I don't even post updates myself.
     
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  19. Rosal76

    Rosal76 SS.org Regular

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    IMHO, some individuals, by nature, thrive on attention. That's there drug. They love being on that podium holding the mic and all. I think it's O.K. for people to pay attention to others if the reason is genuine/honest but then there are some that go out of their way to get it.
     

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