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Old 02-21-2008, 07:52 AM   #1
distressed_romeo
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Stupidest things you've heard said about bands/artists...

Inspired by Hal's story in a different thread about the kid who proclaimed that Allan Holdsworth was ripping off Meshuggah, what're the dumbest things you've heard people say upon hearing new music?

1) Ani DiFranco sounds like Avril Lavigne...
2) John Coltrane plays 'elevator music'...
3) A Terry Syrek tune featuring rhythm guitars tuned to B, various odd time signatures, a tabla part, an eastern-sounding melody, and some insanely fast exotic scales and chromatic runs is 'Just typical 80s stuff'.

Fire away...

Define 'well-adjusted'...

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Old 02-21-2008, 07:58 AM   #2
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4) Meshuggah's music is very easy to play and simple because its now mostly 1 stringed stuff with no chords
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Old 02-21-2008, 08:02 AM   #3
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5) A highly-respected guitar virtuoso (whose name I'll leave you to guess) claiming that Satriani is boring and barely meets the requirements of a virtuoso, but within the same paragraph claiming that Francesco Fareri is 'a true virtuoso monster'...

*DR despises people who think speed is the sole measure of virtuosity.

Define 'well-adjusted'...

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Old 02-21-2008, 08:16 AM   #4
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my mother, regarding "you're sort of music..." and its solos, suggesting that:

"he's just running up and down scales, it's not a patch on brian [may]. you should learn his solos, you know."

and about metal in general:

"but it's not actually music, though. it's not like you can hear a tune. at least bands like black sabbath played tunes."

---------------------

my aunt delia, commenting whilst i was practicing modes, suggested that her favourite, the aeolian, had less than 8 notes...

me - "it has 8."

delia - "i'm not sure you're right, hal."

me - (handing her a book of scales, open on the right page) "it has 8 notes."

delia - (glancing at it) "well... it didn't when i was younger."

---------------------

an ex film making colleague, something of a tecno freak

"nah man, all that metal & rock? that's not effort man, that's just slinging notes together and playing them as loud as you can. man, being a DJ, that's ....ing hard man, you have to be good."

---------------------

another non-metaller acquaintance, on death metal vocals:

them - "it's using distortion."

me - "it's not."

them - "it is man, blatantly. listen to it... that's a distortion pedal on his voice."

me - "mate, it's not, i do it."

them - "i'm sorry man, but listen, you can't actually make that noise without-"

me - "(death metal roar)"

them - "... that's ....ed up."

------------------------

my tutor from boarding school, austin E vince (who, it transpires, managed the early stages of, and was partly responsible for the spate of 50s revivalist 'the...' bands in the UK), on bumping into him around 2005 in camden:

AEV - "so what have you been up to?"

me - "quite a lot, actually. my band just released an album, we're signed now so it's in't shops 'n all, we leave to tour the UK in a few weeks in support of it and the video is out. the single even got played on radio 1!"

AEV - "ah, that's great to hear you've got a hobby, what are you doing for a job then?"

H

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Old 02-21-2008, 08:26 AM   #5
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My ex-girlfriend complaining that Jaco Pastorius' rendition of 'Donna Lee' sounded like a bee in a jam jar.

A guy at school enthusiastically telling me how HIM have invented a new type of metal (as you've probably guessed, he'd never heard Anathema or Type O Negative...).

Allan Holdsworth's just noodling and not even playing any scale.

Define 'well-adjusted'...

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Old 02-21-2008, 08:50 AM   #6
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A friend of mine who listens to Blind Guardian claims his favorite type of metal is Industrial

And my ex-girlfriend´s cousin. He used to tell me how he loved Black Metal bands such as Biohazard, Korn and Soulfly.

Last edited by lucasreis; 02-21-2008 at 08:51 AM. Reason: Automerged Doublepost
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Old 02-21-2008, 08:55 AM   #7
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Well, I don't think I can beat any of Hal's, but I always thought it ridiculous when people claimed that some band ripped off another band that sounded completely different. I remember posting on here something like, "I swear. When I get famous, people are going to interview me, asking me if I'm ripping off bands I've never heard of. 'Many people have been hearing a lot of influence of 'Carnal Demonology' on your latest album, some even claiming that you ripped them off entirely. What do you say to that?' 'Cargo what? Was that a band name?' 'Uh, yeah, they... they say you're copying their sound.' 'What language was that anyway?'"

I too have heard the "metal isn't music" argument or the "that stuff isn't music" argument (in reference to hard rock, hardcore punk, etc.) and the people spouting nonsense about instruments when they clearly don't know what the hell they're talking about.
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Old 02-21-2008, 09:06 AM   #8
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should one perhaps include the, doubtless well-meaning but somewhat missing the mark, comment from a young jack osbourne during the late night neighbour complaint episode from the osbournes, about to use a meshuggah track:

“get ready for some norwegian ....ing death metal…”

not quite, jack lad. maybe take up kickboxing, next.

H

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Old 02-21-2008, 09:14 AM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by distressed_romeo View Post
1) Ani DiFranco sounds like Avril Lavigne...
Ani DiFranco just shot right up to the top of my 'music to buy and enjoy' list
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Old 02-21-2008, 09:18 AM   #10
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I once flicked through this retarded 'dummy's guide to Goth' book in Waterstones, and amongst all the tedious cliches and stale jokes, there was a 'music goths like' list that included, amongst others, those well-known staples of gothic music, Korn, Papa Roach, Iron Maiden and Dark Funeral...

*DR also hates people who assume goth and metal are the same thing...



Comparing CD purchases with a guy at school. I'd just brought Meshuggah's 'Nothing' album and he'd brought a Dead Kennedys album.

FRIEND: 'Do you like the Dead Kennedys?#
ME: 'No, I don't like punk.'
FRIEND: 'What, too heavy for you?'


Define 'well-adjusted'...

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Old 02-21-2008, 09:21 AM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ukfswmart View Post
Ani DiFranco just shot right up to the top of my 'music to buy and enjoy' list
Deemed true.

Define 'well-adjusted'...

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Old 02-21-2008, 09:46 AM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by halsinden View Post
another non-metaller acquaintance, on death metal vocals:

them - "it's using distortion."

me - "it's not."

them - "it is man, blatantly. listen to it... that's a distortion pedal on his voice."

me - "mate, it's not, i do it."

them - "i'm sorry man, but listen, you can't actually make that noise without-"

me - "(death metal roar)"

them - "... that's ....ed up."
I've had that several times before.

My favourite was a regular customer came in when my iPod was playing. My iPod gets a lot of scrutiny but a surprising amount of respect. I was playing Necrophagist and this bumbling old washed up git came up and said "whats that? Those drums are programmed! Not a patch on Ringo Starr!"



This was Epitaph, so nothing was programmed. I tried showing him live videos and he wouldnt believe me, he said they were miming.

I decided not to tell him that The Beatles actually had Ringo Starr's drum parts re-recorded by a professional session musician because he simply wasn't a good enough drummer for some of their releases. I think the idea of a guy with a labret piercings growling along to "Epitaph" knowing more than him about The Beatles might have just been too much for him.

I've also frequently heard the "that band sucks" to Meshuggah's Chaosphere.

"They're all playing out of time!" the punter will exclaim...



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Old 02-21-2008, 09:49 AM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ukfswmart View Post
Ani DiFranco just shot right up to the top of my 'music to buy and enjoy' list
mart, you haven't listened to difranco?

you amaze me, sometimes.

H

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Old 02-21-2008, 10:01 AM   #14
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"yeah man lets do something crazy and play in 25/78"


I never wanna be harsh to guys that say that because on the surface they think the're being really cool and knowledgeable, but in fact the're just revealing out right their ignorance. funny .... dawg
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Old 02-21-2008, 10:04 AM   #15
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"They have no sense of rhythm." -My mom, talking about Opeth, listening to the Leper Affinity. I ask her to start counting the beat, she starts going, "1-2-3-4-1-2-3-4". PROTIP: It's in 3/4.

Whether it's laughable or irrational, this is the path that ALL great men walk!
If there's a wall in our way, we'll destroy it!
If there's no road, we'll pave it with our own hands!
The magma in our hearts is blazing like flames!
Who the hell do you think we are?
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Old 02-21-2008, 10:18 AM   #16
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Attributed to Carlos Santana's Wife
I don't know why Neil Peart gets all the credit he does, he can't even read music so the other guys in the band have to write his drum parts and he learns them by listening to a drum machine.
When we lived in LA, the Santanas were one of my wife's clients, and there's no way she would say anything like this. But, at least is does have a basis in reality. Since the 90's (we'll ignore Rush's first 20 years), Lee and Lifesong would compose by jamming to a drum machine and from time-to-time, what they came-up with drum-wise worked really well, so Neil did learn a few parts from the drum machine, and didn't have any music credits on those particular songs.

Ray

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Old 02-21-2008, 10:19 AM   #17
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Years ago when i was at school we had one of those substitute lessons due to exam timings etc, and instead of going to physics we were aloud to have a 'fun' sort of music lesson.

Anyway, my teacher, who was a 54 year old, welsh, cantankerous old twat who looked like a shaven cat, suggested we should show him what we listen to. My mate, who was into punk, shows him some of The Vandals. He proclaimed that the drumming was too fast and was impossible for a human to play... The Vandals... it's pop punk... like bass, snare, bass bass, snare... like... 120bpm... tops...
If only Divine Heresy were out at the time, i think he may just have turned to stone.

Also, i was on a bus on a school trip once, and my walkman (yes, that's how old i am) was blaring out some Pantera. Some .... in the seat infront of me turns around and goes "what is that crap?". I offered him an ear, he listened, threw it back and goes "yeah, i used to listen to that sorta ....e, like nirvana and stuff". I went.. "nirvana? this is Pantera, it couldn't be more different", to which he replied "yeah.. well... it's got guitars hasn't it?"

"The sort of twee person who thinks swearing is in any way a sign of a lack of education or of a lack of verbal interest is just a ....ing lunatic" - Stephen Fry


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Old 02-21-2008, 10:21 AM   #18
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Stitch View Post
I've also frequently heard the "that band sucks" to Meshuggah's Chaosphere.

"They're all playing out of time!" the punter will exclaim...



yeah what the hell is up with that?

i've also heard stupid stuff like that about tech metal, usually it goes like this:

they: "but they're just making noise, all of them are just picking random tones and hitting random drums"

me: "ehm, listen, they're playing stuff together, its just not that predictable like.. listen to how the guitars follow the drums"

they after a while: "whatever, the vocalist sux, he sounds like a lawnmover"

me "sigh.. well, wouldnt it sound worse if alicia keys sang to this song?"

they; "atleast i'd hear the lyrics, why is he singing anyway? he could just go DOOGARRRDOOGARR all the time instead, this music has no depth, (random popartist) sings his/her feelings out you know... being sad or troubled you know.. people relate you know.."

me: "glaargh.. well, maybe this dude is pissed off at something, tried relating to that?

they: "..they look like satanists. they suck."

me:

Eat ..... Billions of flies can't be wrong.
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Old 02-21-2008, 10:34 AM   #19
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattayus View Post
"yeah, i used to listen to that sorta ....e, like nirvana and stuff". I went.. "nirvana? this is Pantera, it couldn't be more different", to which he replied "yeah.. well... it's got guitars hasn't it?"
well he actually has a point and it remembers me of another thing:

you ask a dude what kind of music he/she likes and they reply: i like everything. i listen to everything.

like.. wtf. you haven't heard a fraction of everything, besides that its just a nullifying answer, it would be better to just answer raspberry.

and if you follow that one up with something like "hrrm.. well, thats a bold statement, care to elaborate a little?" and they go "everything.. like.. anything from alanis morissette to guns n roses." and i go like.. ya...................... and then there is like.. downbeat ambient, black metal, ragga, classic composition, acapella music, harpsichord quartets, guys blowing horns for a full album, there is riverdance music, oldschool 50's jazz, emo synth, sludge, beatbox'ing, piano duels, indian techno, videogame music, spanish flamenco, hell, in a musical spectrum of EVERYTHING, alanis morrissette and guns and roses are like.. within the same quarter of a percent in style, and i asure you you are not list..

and they cut me off like "okokokok i listen to pop and rock"

Eat ..... Billions of flies can't be wrong.
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Old 02-21-2008, 10:48 AM   #20
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Originally Posted by oompa View Post
well he actually has a point and it remembers me of another thing:

you ask a dude what kind of music he/she likes and they reply: i like everything. i listen to everything.

like.. wtf. you haven't heard a fraction of everything, besides that its just a nullifying answer, it would be better to just answer raspberry.

and if you follow that one up with something like "hrrm.. well, thats a bold statement, care to elaborate a little?" and they go "everything.. like.. anything from alanis morissette to guns n roses." and i go like.. ya...................... and then there is like.. downbeat ambient, black metal, ragga, classic composition, acapella music, harpsichord quartets, guys blowing horns for a full album, there is riverdance music, oldschool 50's jazz, emo synth, sludge, beatbox'ing, piano duels, indian techno, videogame music, spanish flamenco, hell, in a musical spectrum of EVERYTHING, alanis morrissette and guns and roses are like.. within the same quarter of a percent in style, and i asure you you are not list..

and they cut me off like "okokokok i listen to pop and rock"
And, if I were the one talking to you, I would have said, "Yeah... everything... except country and all of its incarnations."
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Old 02-21-2008, 10:49 AM   #21
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Be careful presuming that people don't though. My new boss at work (mid 40's middle management type) told me he listened to a broad range of things and asked the standard question:

'So, what does your band sound like then? Tell me some bands'

so I gave my standard work reply:

'Probably not anything that you would have heard of'

and his response:

'Maybe something like Opeth?'.

Que my jaw hitting the floor. Turns out he DOES listen to a very broad range of things. Very rare example I know, but it can happen every so often.

Another great example of overheard statements though. In a factory I used to work in a few years ago the standard ....-spewing radio station was pumping out hymns of moronity, and we were suddenly rewardeed with 'Under the Bridge' by RHCP.

The machinist behind me comes out with 'Who the hell has ruined this All Saints classic?'
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Old 02-21-2008, 11:01 AM   #22
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on the topic of meshuggah:

"the guitarist are just playing some random stuff, it sounds like he's having a epilepsy attack"

"the drummer sucks, he is just hitting the snare all over the place without any sense of rhythm"
 
Old 02-21-2008, 11:07 AM   #23
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Before I ever started to listen to metal (I guess before I turned 13 or so), I remember people my mom's age always saying negative things about metal and hard rock (more specifically about metal) such as, "It doesn't take any skill to play," "they're just making noise," and so on. They just stressed so much that metal didn't take any skill to play and that the people doing it were talentless that when I actually listened to it for the first time I was like, "Wait. It sounds to me like metal takes more talent than most of the other popular music genres out there."

I don't know how people could think Meshuggah is random. I could see them thinking it's "off," but it's so "off" (from their point of view) that it'd have to be intentional.

I wonder what my mom would think if she heard the grindcore-brutal death metal type song my band just wrote or some of our darker heavier stuff. I'm sure she can't imagine me doing that kind of stuff. She knows I'm in a band, but, for all she knows, it's just a "rock" band.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lozek View Post
Another great example of overheard statements though. In a factory I used to work in a few years ago the standard ....-spewing radio station was pumping out hymns of moronity, and we were suddenly rewardeed with 'Under the Bridge' by RHCP.

The machinist behind me comes out with 'Who the hell has ruined this All Saints classic?'
That's like someone thinking that "Dancing Days" was written by Stone Temple Pilots. They'd probably be pretty confused when they heard the original Zeppelin version.

Last edited by Naren; 02-21-2008 at 11:10 AM. Reason: Automerged Doublepost
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Old 02-21-2008, 11:10 AM   #24
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This is one of the most original and fun threads I´ve ever seen in a forum.

Theres some priceless stuff here.
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Old 02-21-2008, 11:13 AM   #25
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"A7X have the best guitarists in the world actually!" - one of my students.

i then luled in his n00b face and insisted in pwning em hard! with some wanktastic licks of glory.

he doesnt like em anymore WIN
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