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04-16-2008, 06:51 PM
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seasons-end.com
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Hampshire, UK
Posts: 2,736
Thanked: 87
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A N00bs Tail: All Your Bass Belong To Me [H&S Bass+Agile+Schecter+orchestra content]
A N00bs Tail: All Your Bass Belong To Me
Chapter #1: The Gathering Of The N00bs Part II Tim was hooning it down the road in his car with epic worry on his mind. The ValveKing had left seconds before Tim left his castle to go to this gathering, leaving Tim amp-less and within the hour he would be rocking out massively at the gathering. The King had promised his return which comforted Tim, but only a little. Tim Arrived at Surry Uni. The place the Gathering was being held. The Lord James greeted Tim with a terrifying grin.  Tim had arrived with moments to spare. The Gathering was going to start in a few minutes! Tim had to hurry! He unloaded his car and set up his shit as quick as he could… all but 1 thing which was still nowhere to be seen. Tim tuned his might green axe and turned round to see a great sight! The ValveKing! He had returned! “TIM!” Said the King! “Plug me in! It is Time!” So Tim did so and at that exact moment, The Gathering began!   “Omgz the tuuune!” said Tim’s Front tail. “The melodies  ” Tim said back.  This was great!      “Well Done Tim.” said The Lord after they had finished playing. “You have done well and now know the subtle art of Melodic Shred!” “???” said Tim “This is the only way you are going to be able to defeat Dogbearpig. And I can tell from your n00b expression you do not yet understand how this can be… But you will and you are going to have to trust me on this. The melodies you have been part of today will have an everlasting impression of your style.” The Lord said. Tim and the other n00bs left to the closest Nando’s to administer chicken!   Good Times  Tim then needed to administer a trip to the toilets. And found very amusing pictures on the walls.   Before he left Tim bought a new book to celebrate his new knowledge of Melodic Shred, Even though he did not full understand it yet.  On the drive home Tim is greatly confused… Melodic shred?? Could Tim even understand it properly?? And how to defeat Dogbearpig?? Chapter #2: All Your Bass … Upon arriving back home after the gathering, Tim could not help but see a very obvious problem. With the shitness that surrounded his Schecter, Tim was left unprotected. If the Schecter broke free, before its sale to the Jew, it would mean disaster! “Dogbearpig must be hiding at a GYM. Pumping iron and getting Buff!” Tims front tail said. This worried Tim. If she was too attack again the agile will not be enough to hold her off, as awesome as it was! And the King would not be able to help. Shred was dead. “No way melodic shred will work!” Tim said sadly. Still not being able to accept it. Shred phailed to protect Tim from Dogbearpig and escaped with his life purely thanks to the efforts of the King, who now had very little life left in him after the gathering… All of a sudden .. BANG BANG BANG! A grand beefy knock to Tim’s castle gate!  IT WAS THE SUPER SECRET PURCHASE!      “I come with hope for you, Tim” The bass said. “Lord James is aware of the Schecter shitness and that it may take some time to understand and accept the awesomeness that is Melodic Shred! And thus, I will aid you in your campaign against Dogbearpig until I am dead, or you have victory! “Yay” To Celebrate, Tim administered the White Shirt of Wisdom  The Super Secret Purchase had arrived exactly when it was needed. Just as Lord James had said it would. “I also have a quest for you” said the Bass  Tim was pleased at this but would not be for long. “You do not posses a bass amp. Epic fail my friend! As a result, u must travel into the Abyss that you call your attic!” Tim was shocked and a lil scared… Tim’s front tail shivered. “What?!?! Why?!?! Surely I have no reason to venture to such an abominable, forsaken place!” “You Must! With the darkness there are the 2 Monitors of Enlightenment! You must go and bring one down from there and use as an Amp for me via DI” Replied the bass. Tim realised the bass was speaking words of great wisdom. And without a moments thought he set out on this new quest, thinking the sooner he starts the sooner he will finish… Chapter #3: The Resting Place The ladder of Destiny!  The portal of Fear!   … The Abyss…  What horrible, gnarly creatures would they find up there?! “No spiders I hope!” Tims front tail hoped Tim and his front tail where both deadly scared of spiders! It was our heroes ONLY weakness  On the sight of a spider he would shit a brick and run a mile …   While looking around he heard a voice! Tim was horrified!  “ZOMGWTFBBQ!!”  “Who dears enter here?” bellowed the dark, evil, sinister voice. Tim looked around desperately for a face but found nothing but empty air. Tim (mastering his fear) spoke strongly. “I am Tim McSexyawesomeguy! Ruler of these lands.” “Is that so … What business of yours is it to enter this Resting Place?!?! What is it you want?” “Resting place??” Tims front tail thought to himself. “I have come in search for 1 of the 2 Monitors of Enlightenment.” replied Tim “Is that so… Let me tell you, King.” said the voice in a very sarcastic way. “You maybe a king in your land, but up here you are NOTHING!!! I AM THE KEEPER OF THE FORGETTEN!! Up here, im King. Up here, IM GOD!” yelled the voice, Still coming from nowhere. “Are you a ghost?” asked Tim No reply “I heard rumours of Ghosts in this place.” said Tim, instantly loosing all fear knowing he would not come to any harm at the hands of a ghost. “if you wish to leave with the monitor for your bass you must leave something in return. The balance must not be disrupted!” Said the voice.  “how do u know its for my bass?” Tim asked “I know more than u could ever begin to understand, with your puny n00b brain.” All of a sudden Tim had an awesome idea! Despite his puny n00b brain. “Would a guitar be a worthy exchange?” Tim asked  After a moments pause, came an answer. “Yes. The Schecter will be a worthy exchange.” “Very well” replied Tim Tim left the place and told the Bass of his plan. “The Keeper has no idea where the Schecter actually is!” said Tim. “Il just take the box u arrived in and tell him the Schecter is inside.” The bass was full of doubt, but was well aware of how it was the only way to do it. Taking the Schecter itself too the abyss would void Tim’s and the Jew’s contract for the sale of the Schecter. Moments later Tim returned to the abyss with the empty H&S Box. Tim thrust it hard into the portal! Thinking it will trick the ghost and he will be allowed to leave that dreaded place with the Monitor of Enlightenment!  “You really think that would have worked?!?!” came the voice. Tim was silent. “YOU MUST NOT UPSET THE BALANCE!!!!!!!” The ground started to shake! Tim was in trouble! At that moment Tim noticed something out of the corner of his eye. “THE MONITOR!!!”  Tim leapt for it and as soon as he had a grasp around it he pulled it down too the portal. Too Freedom!!! With a mighty fall, Tim and the Monitor of Enlightenment were free from the abyss! The portal was closed. Tim had completed his quest! And thus, administered Bass goodness    Tim then takes a moment to reflect.. And thinks to himself. “Somehow il have to make it up to the Keeper of the Forgotten” … “I was wrong to try and trick the monitor from him…” “Worry about that later” Said the bass. “you must concern yourself with writing a wicked bass line... Now! You‘ve not much time!” Chapter #4: The Final Battle Tim wrote a simple but effective bass line which was thusly recorded into Tim’s PC o’ Awesome! The moment he had finished, Dogbearpig burst through the door and with a deadly shoe-raging passion in her eyes leapt at Tim, with the wicked bass line still playing in the background.  And the Final battle began!  “You cannot defeat me Tim!!!” said Dogbearpig! “Iv been at the gym! Pumping Iron! And Getting BUFF!”  “I Knew It!” said Tim’s front tail!     Tim tries to attack with mindless shreddy wank… But fails! And is left with only 1 option… Melodic shred!  Too Tim’s amazement, Dogbearpig stops in her tracks. And listens… as if she was powerless to do anything else but to listen. Tim seeing his moment goes to land his final blow! “If you kill me you’ll never see the ValveKing again!” Dogbearpig said to Tim. Tim stopped… “Haven’t you yet noticed he is not here?? I have kidnapped him while u where in the abyss and he is being held in my Fortress of Doom!!” She said.  Tim Melodically shreds into Dogbearpig’s soul and she collapses as a result of it! Tim rushes to free the King from his prison in Dogbearpig’s Fortress of Doom! But Tim is unaware that Dogbearpig has set a trap on her Fortress! And Tim was heading straight into it! Dogbearpig manages to regain consciousness and cant help but cry a lil emo tear at the beauty of Tim’s melodic shred! “It was beauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuutiful!” She said to herself.  She then has a flash back of all the times Tim had shown her kindness in the past. And how they had once been the best of friends … The guilt of all the shoe noms become too much for her and she rushes to prevent a tragedy! Tim, having reached Dogbearpig’s lair, is moments from walking directly into Dogbearpigs trap! But all of a sudden he hears something behind him and turns to see Dogbearpig bearing down on him with a teary eyed passion. Tim, thinking she is trying to attack him again, runs to get to the ValveKing but Dogbearpig charges past him and leaps into her own trap! BOOOOOOM!!  But then Tim finds himself on the floor dizzy and unaware of what had happened. He looks over to see Dogbearpig on the floor near him… and not moving.  He crawls over as a familiar voice speaks.  “She had set a trap on my prison, Tim” said the ValveKing.  “She jumped in front of you and took the full force of the blow… saving your life”  “She saved me??” Tim gasped!  “It was the melody! It was so Purdy…!” said Dogbearpig. “It reminded me of all the good you have shown me in the past and how I should never have nommed your shoes… im sorry! Please forgive me for my shitness!” she said to Tim Tim, teary eyed, replied: “I forgive you for your shitness and Im sorry too! … Are you going to be ok??” “I don’t think so ….” she replied Tim and Dogbearpig catch a glimpse into each others eyes and realise Dogbearpig isn’t going to make it…  “Im glad we are friends again” said Dogbearpig, noticeably struggling. “Me too” replied Tim teary eyed. Dogbearpig then let out a very strong sigh of blissful relief and then died. Chapter #5: Restoring the balance After saying their final goodbyes to Dogbearpig, Tim and the King return to the inners of Tim’s castle. “Tim…” said the King “Yes?” “You must now take me to the Resting place within the abyss” said the King. “?!?!?!?!” Tim replied. “But I need an Amp?!?! But WHY the abyss?!?!?!” Tim demanded! “I have for filled my duties and you have no further need for me, as your band are now concentrating on finishing the demos and have no more live shows for a while. My time has come and I am too retire and get some well deserved rest. The resting place within the abyss is a place I would have to go to one day anyways. And that time is now. Having upset the balance it must be you to take me there and restore the balance.” the King said. Tim did as the king asked and he took the King to the abyss.  Just before they entered the king said to Tim: “Tim … When I left before the gathering to attend to royal duties, I left to arrange a successor to my thrown. He is known as an ENGL INVADER 100. I do not know when he will arrive but it will be around the time you finish the band demos and he is to take my place by your side. Tim was confused but knew that this was good news. “All will come clear” Tim thought to himself. As Tim said his final goodbye to the King a voice came out of nowhere and said: “The balance has been restored… thank you mending the errors of your ways young n00b. The king will get a much deserved rest now.” said the Keeper of the forgotten. Tim left the abyss both happy and sad. Happy that the King was now able to finally rest. Sad for he had no amp… Until the Kings successor arrives that is … Tim, being in the good mood he was, administers awesome melodic shred of greatness with his Agile and his wicked new bass. And with a Custom Agile and an Engl Invader 100 on their way… all was good. So good infact Time decided to take lots of pr0n pics of his new gear.                        The Bass then said to Tim: “You have 1 last quest to attend too, Tim”, gesturing towards the Schecter. “Yes. The Schecter is to be taken to his new home.” Tim said. After a short drive, Tim Hands over the axe to the Jew and, upon opening the case, deemed it Tr00!  On the ride home Tim’s front tail asks: “When do you think we will get the band demos done? If that’s the time the Invader is said to arrive?” asked Tim’s front tail. “Hmmm .. Not sure.” Tim replied. “About the same time as the Agile Custom maybe?!” … After doing this Tim took a moment to reflect on his adventure… The King has retired to the resting place, but Tim is pleased he is getting a well deserved rest. The Schecter was under the care of the Jew, and Tim was pleased that the Jew had a shinny new Axe. And that Tim was able to order a shinny new Custom Agile with the money. And although Dogbearpig is gone, Tim knows her spirit is chewing shoe after shoe in doggy heaven. And was immensely grateful that they were able to make peace before the end. And this Pleased Tim and his front tail. Fin! Now Bow to your new overlord ELLIE! Aka Dogbearpig   Part I: 85 pics http://www.sevenstring.org/forum/sev...e-content.html Part II: 94 pics http://www.sevenstring.org/forum/sta...tml#post985105 Part III: 81 pics And seeing as they are all 1 ePicstory split into 3, with 256 pics altogether... Marks out of 10 for a persons first picstory attempt? 
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"When your on stage and you phail one note, are you'll go back and play it again? NO! Coz time for that note is in past, and you need to keep playing song, and there is nothing you can do with that note. But you can fix the song just to play it right to the end, coz if you'll stop the song it would be bigger fail then one or few note fail." - Yevets 
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04-16-2008, 07:16 PM
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#2 |
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Keeper of drop bears
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Gold Coast , QLD , Australia
Posts: 2,413
Thanked: 32
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epic dogbearpig saga
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Dangerstralia ... Oh look, our island is made out of the poison sacs of venemous snakes. And is inhabited by baby grim reapers Comment of the decade from ibznorange
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04-16-2008, 07:17 PM
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#3 |
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Texas CEO / RHLC
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Texas
Posts: 2,424
Thanked: 23
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12/10
Epic picstory+Badass dog= 
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04-16-2008, 07:23 PM
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#4 |
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The Viking himself
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Sheffield, UK
Posts: 3,719
Thanked: 37
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2000/10
Poor dogbearpig  I await your views on the Invader 100 though, and that Agile looks so sexy on stage
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04-16-2008, 08:12 PM
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#5 | |
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seasons-end.com
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Hampshire, UK
Posts: 2,736
Thanked: 87
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Quote:
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"When your on stage and you phail one note, are you'll go back and play it again? NO! Coz time for that note is in past, and you need to keep playing song, and there is nothing you can do with that note. But you can fix the song just to play it right to the end, coz if you'll stop the song it would be bigger fail then one or few note fail." - Yevets
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04-16-2008, 08:15 PM
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#6 |
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Seventh Circle
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Bristol, England
Posts: 38
Thanked: 0
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a story of EPIC EPIC proportions
maximum leetness |
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04-16-2008, 08:42 PM
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#7 |
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Fear the Polo!
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Somerville, MA
Posts: 21,484
Thanked: 145
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"...and everything under the sun is in tune, but the sun is eclipsed by the moon." http://www.metalguitarist.org |
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04-16-2008, 11:08 PM
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#8 |
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seasons-end.com
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Hampshire, UK
Posts: 2,736
Thanked: 87
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considering gettin (but buying in person) a C7 hellraiser in blackcherry
hmm maybe now that the C1 has gone the schecter smell is still lingering
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"When your on stage and you phail one note, are you'll go back and play it again? NO! Coz time for that note is in past, and you need to keep playing song, and there is nothing you can do with that note. But you can fix the song just to play it right to the end, coz if you'll stop the song it would be bigger fail then one or few note fail." - Yevets
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04-17-2008, 12:38 AM
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punk'd
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: here
Posts: 1,296
Thanked: 21
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04-17-2008, 03:52 PM
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ss.org Regular
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Ipswich, Salford (uni)
Posts: 365
Thanked: 8
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Wow a new benchmark in epic picstory-telling, what was the total cost of getting an Agile over here?
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The mirror which flatters not.... |
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04-17-2008, 03:56 PM
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#11 |
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VP/RHLC
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Austin, TX
Posts: 13,310
Thanked: 76
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Epic beyond belief.
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Rules of ss.org. http://www.sevenstring.org/forum/off...uncements.html Head of Agile Gestapo |
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04-17-2008, 03:56 PM
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Proud SSorg member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Malta
Posts: 965
Thanked: 22
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fuckin Awesome!! you must have A LOT of fre time to do this ...
epic just epic.....
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The Struggle to free Myself from Restraints, becomes my very shackles... |
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04-17-2008, 04:00 PM
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#13 |
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Cherokee Warrior
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Sumner, Washington
Posts: 1,535
Thanked: 55
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classic
PS. Rep added.
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WWW.MYSPACE.COM/TONYFLYINGSQUIRRELMUSIC http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page...?bandID=268162 Seven Strings to rule them all, Seven Strings to find them, Seven Strings to bring them all and in the music bind them. |
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04-18-2008, 05:14 AM
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#14 | |
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seasons-end.com
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Hampshire, UK
Posts: 2,736
Thanked: 87
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Quote:
£300 for the guitar £30 shipping £90 import taxes epic bargin for the best guitar ever EVER!!!! 
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"When your on stage and you phail one note, are you'll go back and play it again? NO! Coz time for that note is in past, and you need to keep playing song, and there is nothing you can do with that note. But you can fix the song just to play it right to the end, coz if you'll stop the song it would be bigger fail then one or few note fail." - Yevets
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04-18-2008, 05:16 AM
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seasons-end.com
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Hampshire, UK
Posts: 2,736
Thanked: 87
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i have NO LIFE! i live in the middle of no where and combined with insomnia i get left with much free timethis kept me entertained for some time so was worth it be interesting to see how the next one turns out 
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"When your on stage and you phail one note, are you'll go back and play it again? NO! Coz time for that note is in past, and you need to keep playing song, and there is nothing you can do with that note. But you can fix the song just to play it right to the end, coz if you'll stop the song it would be bigger fail then one or few note fail." - Yevets
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04-18-2008, 05:38 AM
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#16 |
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OH NOES! ZOMBIES!
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 1,005
Thanked: 9
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*NOMS on shoe for DogBearPig* EPIC!!! A very entertaining read. Repzorz!
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04-18-2008, 05:48 AM
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#17 | |
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seasons-end.com
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Hampshire, UK
Posts: 2,736
Thanked: 87
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Quote:
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"When your on stage and you phail one note, are you'll go back and play it again? NO! Coz time for that note is in past, and you need to keep playing song, and there is nothing you can do with that note. But you can fix the song just to play it right to the end, coz if you'll stop the song it would be bigger fail then one or few note fail." - Yevets
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04-18-2008, 05:52 PM
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#18 |
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Lazy Ryebread Viking
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Ottawa, ON
Posts: 252
Thanked: 0
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That was amazing. Great story.
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04-19-2008, 02:06 AM
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Ping-Chan <3s Pie
Join Date: May 2006
Location: T3H 1NT@RW3BZ!!!!1!11!!
Posts: 4,281
Thanked: 57
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HEY!!
When am I going to get my royalty check for 'All Your Bass™'
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STARBUCKS IST KRIEG!!  "In Soviet Russia, Rose Funeral gets beat up for not playing UNO" - SerratedSkies "Wait, so he has THREE noise gates?!" - PirateMetalTroy "Your man gland detected that the bread to bacon ratio was entirely too high and rejected it." - Konfyouzd |
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04-19-2008, 04:48 PM
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#20 | |
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seasons-end.com
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Hampshire, UK
Posts: 2,736
Thanked: 87
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Quote:
 Stitch has it
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"When your on stage and you phail one note, are you'll go back and play it again? NO! Coz time for that note is in past, and you need to keep playing song, and there is nothing you can do with that note. But you can fix the song just to play it right to the end, coz if you'll stop the song it would be bigger fail then one or few note fail." - Yevets
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04-19-2008, 08:15 PM
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#21 |
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ss.org Regular
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Summerland, BC
Posts: 283
Thanked: 2
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That was an intensely epic tale. I deam this True! 110%!
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04-19-2008, 08:54 PM
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#22 |
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I LIKE JUICE!!!
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Texas
Posts: 7,327
Thanked: 38
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"Tom, you're like 1 part a serious dork, and 2 parts the most awesome fucking guy ever." - 
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