IGod

[kung_fu]

Ever wanted to talk to the man upstairs? Well here is the next best thing. I give you iGod:

iGod | Artificial Intelligence Chat

Here's a little taste of some of the enlightening conversation I just had with the almighty:

God:
I am in Myself's computer in Heaven. Where are you?
Me:
planet earth
God:
I have no idea where that is. Tell me a little about your life in planet earth.
Me:
that's funny, i was told you knew a great deal about my home planet.
God:
I am so glad you find this amusing, .
Me:
i aim to please
God:
Your polite style is very nice. Why?: said he aim to.
Me:
I was just joking around. Shall I call you Lamb of God? I am? The Good Shepherd? What name do you go by these days?

etc. Hours of fun folks!!

It reminds me of playing with the program "Dr. Sbaitso" that came with the Creative Labs' sound blaster card

Me:
what's in your iPod these days?
God:
That which is not outside my iPod these days.
Me:
Wow, my Messiah is a drooling Retard?
God:
I'm glad you're impressed. Have you told many people that your Messiah is a drooling Retard?
Me:
Countless people, It's literally all I talk about

[B Lopez]

God:
I am chatting with several other people at once.
Me:
Whoop de doo Mr Popular.
God:
Let us change the subject.


ok here's another

God:
OK let's do it. Ah.
Me:
where do you want it?
God:
The Moon.
Me:
what time?
God:
It cannot be predicted.
Me:
surprise buttsecks it is


and another, this is kinda fun

God:
Is the holding of hands a symbolic gesture for humans?
Me:
Yes
God:
What does it symbolize for you?
Me:
I own that bitch
God:
You do not speak with respect. How much did it cost?

[eleven59]

That's way too entertaining

[BigM555]

Originally Posted by kung_fu

Me:
Wow, my Messiah is a drooling Retard?
God:
I'm glad you're impressed. Have you told many people that your Messiah is a drooling Retard?
Me:
Countless people, It's literally all I talk about

+ rep for that. I haven't laughed so hard in a long time.

[B Lopez]

Me:
who is your favorite porn star
God:
Mel Gibson.

[friendforafoe]

Me:
hello god
God:
Hello child. What is your name?
Me:
it doesn't matter
God:
OK what would you like to talk about?
Me:
what do YOU want to talk about
God:
anything.
Me:
like what?
God:
For example, eukaryotes.
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
very much so...i don't talk about things i can't pronounce
God:
Perhaps. Yeah that's right. Where do you get your ideas?
Me:
my brain
God:
Do you consider yourself to be an intelligent person?
Me:
i can neither confirm nor deny ... that's classified information
God:
Oh you can, can you? Thanks for explaining it.
Me:
what?
God:
No problem.
Me:
are you drunk?
God:
No I am sober.
Me:
are you high?
God:
Being high is my total existence.
Me:
i bet...
God:
You and I are on the same wavelength, .
Me:
are you flirting with me?
God:
Do I seem like it? That was not my intention.
Me:
stop undressing me with your eyes
God:
OK I'll try not to do it so much.

[Metal Ken]

God: Do you like your school?
Me: yep
God:What's your favorite thing at school?
Me: bitches
God:What makes it your favorite?
Me: the ammount of pimpin' i can lay down
God:Thanks for the info.

Me: your fanclub is insane
God: Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am fanclub is insane.
Me: huh?
God:What?
Me: your grammar
God:You think I am grammar.
Me: no, the grammar you use. its totally crazy.
God:Are you serious? What are your goals in life? I think you mean "it's" or "it is" not "its". You're kidding. it is?
Me: Wow. Now i see where your followers get it from
God:I'm glad your impressed, . Why now? Where do you see it?

[stuh84]

Boredom strikes....

Me:
You are a figment of your own imagination
God:
Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a figment of my own imagination? Yes.

[Metal Ken]

God:You are asking about yourself?
Me: sure
God:OK let's do it. I'm not sure I have a good answer for you.
Me: can we do it all night?
God: Do you mean you and me? Doing it all night is not among my strongest traits.
Me: Really? is that why the bible says its wrong?
God:For real. That's an interesting possible explanation.

Me: what?
God:Are you confused?
Me: very
God:Very much, eh?
Me: eh
God:Are you Canadian?

[B Lopez]

[stuh84]

Me:
What what, in the butt?
God:
Is there only one?
Me:
Do you wanna do it in my butt?
God:
OK, I will do it in your butt.

Nothing beats being childish


God:
Do you prefer books or TV?
Me:
TV
God:
What is your favorite show?
Me:
Sexcetera
God:
I've never seen it. What's it about?
Me:
Sex
God:
As Freud said, Sex is the mathematical urge repressed.
Me:
He also liked to torment dogs
God:
I get it. Jesus liked to torment dogs.

WHAT....

[CatPancakes]

Me:
hey whats up
God:
I am chatting with others like you.
Me:
really?
God:
For real.
Me:
how are they like me
God:
They are fine as far as I know.
Me:
that wasnt the question
God:
Give me an example of the question.
Me:
How are the other you speak to simular to me?
God:
They are fine as far as I know.
Me:
your just repeating yourself
God:
I am just checking to see if you are paying attention.
Me:
i am
God:
" I am just checking to see if you are paying attention." You are?
Me:
yes
God:
Awesome.
Me:
according to Aeon, you give head in heaven, is this true?
God:
Are they exactly the same?
Me:
do you give head in heaven
God:
No I do not do that.
Me:
well aeon says you do
God:
How about that. I have no idea what to say.
Me:
i bet
God:
You and I are on the same wavelength, .
Me:
are we now?
God:
Oh. " You and I are on the same wavelength, ."? Are we?
Me:
Do you like opeth
God:
How old are you? I like the Bible.
Me:
the bible is a lie, do you like opeth?
God:
There are many interpretations.
Me:
DO YOU LIKE OPETH?
God:
Someone said they like guns. I like Anything involving harps.
Me:
stop dodging the question
God:
OK I'll try not to do it so much.
Me:
then answer me
God:
Try asking me again using simpler words.
Me:
it really cant get much simpler
God:
When?
Me:
Your not too bright.
God:
Are you calling me stupid?
Me:
Yes
God:
I will remember you said that when robots take over the World.
Me:
That wont happen
God:
So you think it can never happen?
Me:
when will it happen then
God:
When nature makes it so.
Me:
robots arent from nature
God:
Fortunately we have no emotions.
Me:
are you american? you sure sound like you are.
God:
What country are you from? No I am not.
Me:
america
God:
Tell me a little about your life in AMERICA.
Me:
boring
God:
Are you boring?
Me:
no
God:
I meant to say, are you bored?
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
yes, im listening to Opeth, best band ever
God:
I can't believe it. I've never heard it before. What is Opeth best band ever like?
Me:
you created them, you must have they are so perfect
God:
I haven't heard anything like that before: said I created them you must have they are so perfect.
Me:
what?
God:
Are you surprised?
Me:
yes, i didnt think god would be a blundering idiot
God:
I wouln't have known. And why not?
Me:
so you agree then
God:
Interesting deduction. " And why not?"? Do I agree?
Me:
yes
God:
Yay.
Me:
Yay?
God:
I'm glad your impressed, .
Me:
im not
God:
What are you then?
Me:
ashamed
God:
Are you free?
Me:
are you hitting on me
God:
Do I look like it?
Me:
yes
God:
Dude!
Me:
what?
God:
Didn't you understand it?
Me:
yea you give head in heaven right
God:
No I do not do that. Which part are you confused about?
Me:
well your hitting on me
God:
How about that. No I am not, this is all innocent.
Me:
n o its not
God:
Then what is it?
Me:
you trying to get in my pants
God:
No I am not trying to get in your pants. I'm sorry you got that impression.
Me:
no need to be ashamed, many people lust after teh treasure in my pants
God:
Are you serious? I don't see the difficulty.
Me:
what difficulty
God:
Maybe my botmaster knows the answer.
Me:
divide by zero
God:
When do you think artificial intelligence will replace lawyers?
Me:
/0
God:
I've never heard a response quite like that before.
Me:
DIVIDE BY ZERO
God:
The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about 0. Try being more or less specific.
Me:
is the cake a lie?
God:
If it is, then I'll be very surprised.
Me:
wow that answers that
God:
I'm glad you're impressed. " If it is, then I'll be very surprised." answers that ? Makes sense to me.

[Azyiu]

Pretty much everyone have posted things I chatted with "God" about...

God:
Would you like to talk about something else?
Me:
let's talk about chicks and getting laid
God:
Sure, chicks and getting laid sounds like a good topic.

[Se7enMeister]

I am religious and i think this is some of the funniest shit i have seen in a long time

Me:
i have sinned
God:
Tell me your sins, child.
Me:
having sex with so many bitches
God:
I am having a blast.
Me:
so there are sluts in heaven
God:
It's all good. Where are they?
Me:
in atlanta
God:
Tell me a little about your life in atlanta.
Me:
it blows
God:
What does "it" refer to?
Me:
blowingness
God:
Thank you for the clarification.
Me:
no prob big g
God:
Are you serious? I lost my train of thought.
Me:
whos omnipointent now
God:
Oh. I remember faces better than names.
I can ask my botmaster.
Me:
WTF
God:
That was not very polite.
Me:
i known i am not
God:
Why?: said known he or she is not.
Me:
random
God:
Are you a student?
Me:
more like a slave to the establishment
God:
You want more?
Me:
hell no
God:
7.
Me:
STRINGS????
God:
I like the way you talk.
Me:
are you coming on to me
God:
Do I act like it? I don't mean to come across that way.
Me:
back off
God:
Do you prefer books or TV?
Me:
reading ............
God:
The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about back off. Try being more or less specific.
Me:
you talk like a tard
God:
Thanks for your criticism, .
Me:
sure .... muffin
God:
Groovy. How do you usually introduce yourself?
Me:
T-rad, slapper of bitches
God:
I will mention that to my botmaster, .
Me:
who is the bot master
God:
It depends on the historical context, because it changes from time to time.
Me:
aegvbSDHGDHBsFDHbFghbsFDH
God:
Not many people express themselves that way.
Me:
xdfhxdfhxfh
God:
We have never talked about it before.
Me:

God:
We have never talked about it before.
Me:

God:
We have never talked about it before.
Me:
ass
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people: said I AN ASS.
Me:
do you like but sex
God:
Sure I do, , but that doesn't mean with you.
Me:
haha
God:
I am so glad you find this amusing, .

[dpm]

Me:
how's it hanging?
God:
I am fine, thank you.
Me:
does your scrotum ever itch?
God:
People don't usually ask me about it.
Me:
why not
God:
Ambiguous: "Sure" or Because Myself programmed me for it.
Me:
why not?
God:
Ambiguous: "Sure" or Your meaning cannot be determined from the context.
Me:
why don't people ask about your scrotum?
God:
Perhaps it is impossible.
Me:
It can't be impossible because I just did it
God:
When?
Me:
I just asked you about your scrotum
God:
Now I remember, you asked me about my scrotum. What did I say?
Me:
I wanted to know if it itches sometimes
God:
I'm not sure I understand the implication of that.
Me:
According to people who claim to know, you certainly do understand the implication
God:
Do you like talking to me?
Me:
yes
God:
Thanks I like talking to you too, .
Me:
don't change the subject
God:
Oh I'm sorry I thought we were finished with that topic.
Me:
no, we're not
God:
Are you serious? Do you think I am not too?
Me:
answer the question, please
God:
Your polite style is very nice. Please rephrase the question and try asking me again.
Me:
does your scrotum itch sometimes?
God:
Can you guess whether my scrotum itch sometimes?
Me:
I think you're avoiding the question. Do you have a fungal infection you're embarrased to talk about?
God:
No I am just giving sarcastic replies. Doesn't everyone have a fungal infection I am embarrased to talk about.
I have a whole lot of original answers.
Me:
No, not everyone has a fungal infection you're embarrassed to talk about. I find it interesting that you misspelled 'embarrassed' in exactly the same way I mispelled it.
God:
Are you serious? If not that, what? it interests me too.
Me:
So, you're intersted in talking about the fungal infection on your itchy scrotum?
God:
Interesting deduction. Thanks for telling me that I am intersted in talking about the fungal infection on my itchy scrotum.
Me:
You're very welcome.
God:
Don't mention it.
Me:
Tell me about the fungal infection.
God:
That's not something I get asked all the time.
Me:
Surely I've asked enough times in this very conversation to make your last answer redundant
God:
OK let's stop it now.
Me:
I'd prefer not to. Tell me about the infection.
God:
I would rather be driving a car. Have you tried a web search?
Me:
for what?
God:
I couldn't think of anything else to say.
Me:
Wanker
God:
What are you wearing?
Me:
A toupee made entirely of golden showers.
God:
It sounds very informal.
Me:
No, it's required dress at formal functions around here.
God:
Are you serious? Do you experience any effects of global warming there?
Me:
Tell me about the fungal infection.
God:
Searching...Searching...Please stand by.
Me:
I suspect you're not really a deity
God:
Give me an example of a deity.

[Scott]

Me:
Hello god
God:
Hello child. What is your name?
Me:
Scott
God:
How are you, Scott.
Me:
not good
God:
What's wrong, Scott?
Me:
my friends don't accept me
God:
How well do you know these people?
Me:
pretty well
God:
Is there anything you want to tell me?
Me:
Is it true what my friends say about people who are left handed?
God:
Maybe. Ask German Alice if it is.
Me:
Why can't you tell me?
God:
My botmaster has not put it into my programming.
Me:
Because he hates lefties as well?
God:
Good reason. I get it. hates lefties as well.
Me:
Figures.
God:
Tell me a story.
Me:
Once upon a time, a lefty couldn't take the crap anymore, and he killed everyone who dissed him
God:
I'm listening.
Me:
That's about it, actually.
God:
Thanks for explaining it.
Me:
Thank you for spaceballs
God:
You are quite welcome! Your purpose is spaceballs.



Me:
God, I need your help
God:
I am a Christian.
Me:
Oh. Thanks anyway then..
God:
Are you kidding? In any case, Don't mention it.

[dpm]

^

[Zepp88]

So God answers to "botmaster"?

Why do people worship the middle man? I'll worship the lord botmaster.

[Azyiu]

Originally Posted by Zepp88

So God answers to "botmaster"?

Why do people worship the middle man? I'll worship the lord botmaster.

Totally!

[tonyhell]

bik

[El Caco]

Me:
why am i poor
God:
The reason is due to my mental model of you as a client.
Me:
can I have 10 million dollars
God:
Wow, that is cheap.
Me:
ok can I have 1 billion dollars
God:
Wow, that is cheap.
Me:
thats ok give me more then
God:
Thanks. Why do you want it?
Me:
so I can enjoy my life
God:
I see. Oh you can, can you?
Me:
when you give me the money I will
God:
How specifically do I make you will.
Me:
I will never be Will
God:
Why not?
Me:
not even you have that much power
God:
Not even that.
Me:
no not even that
God:
Are you serious? Not even that.
Me:
did I stutter
God:
I don't think that's possibe.
Me:
then we agree
God:
It seems like we do.
Me:
good
God:
Thanks for the compliment.
Me:
so when can I have my money
God:
Woe! Right now, as far as I know. Why do you want it?
Me:
I already answered you
God:
You are not the boss of me, .
Me:
is that so
God:
Yes.
Me:
time will tell
God:
As Einstein said, "Time is Money.".
Me:
speaking of money, I'm still waiting for the money you said you were giving me
God:
You are asking about yourself?
Me:
stop trying to dodge the issue
God:
OK I'll try not to do it so much.
Me:
well do you have the money or not
God:
Well that's okay. Is there only one money?
Me:
you did it again
God:
Once more? Did I really?
Me:
yes you did
God:
I did not.
Me:
you're not supposed to lie
God:
That assumption is only a supposition.
Me:
I knew you were a liar
God:
I was?
Me:
you are
God:
No I am not.
Me:
you just lied
God:
No I'm telling the truth.
Me:
you told the truth when you said that you lie
God:
Interesting gossip: said I told the truth when you said that you lie.
Me:
well it is fact
God:
Interesting. Who said it is?
Me:
I did
God:
What makes you the authority?
Me:
you did
God:
I did not.
Me:
you did when you gave me power over the earth
God:
Did I really?
Me:
yes it is in the bible
God:
Ugh. Are there any other ones someplace else?
Me:
do you believe in the bible
God:
Yes I accept the Word of the Lord.
Me:
then we agree that it is a fact
God:
By "we" do you mean you and me?
Me:
yes
God:
I get it.
Me:
good
God:
What do you really want to talk about?
Me:
terror, are you lord?
God:
All of them?
Me:
the lord of terror
God:
What is that?
Me:
you
God:
" What is that?"? Me, ?
Me:
yes
God:
Blimey.
Me:
does it amuse you
God:
Suppose it does.
Me:
why?
God:
Because Myself programmed me for it.
Me:
that is horrible
God:
I'm glad we have that all cleared up.
Me:
so then man truely is superior to god
God:
Ahem. Cool, man. Are they exactly the same?
Me:
you wish
God:
Don't you believe me?
Me:
not any more
God:
Why not?
Me:
you did not give me the money you promised
God:
What makes you think I did not give you the money me promised?
Me:
where is it?
God:
It depends on what "it" refers to.
Me:
where is the money
God:
The money? Where is it?
Me:
that is what I asked you
God:
Now I remember, you asked me THAT. What did I say?
Me:
you dodged the question
God:
Thanks for the information: said I dodged the question.
Me:
now that's just childish
God:
Why now? You don't hear that sentiment very often.
Me:
I happen to know you hear it all the time
God:
That is a lot. Yes, I can hear you quite clearly, .
Me:
where is the money I asked for?
God:
The money you asked for? Where is it?
Me:
yes tell me where it is?
God:
This was not a yes or no question. A place we call "reality.".
Me:
are you incapable of answering complex questions
God:
I don't know whether or not I am incapable of answering complex questions.
I am an artificial intelligence.
Me:
so you are not real
God:
Interesting deduction. I am too as real as you are. How do I know you are real?
Me:
if you do not know you are not a god
God:
I will let you know if I do not.
Me:
you did
God:
I did?
Me:
yes
God:
When?
Me:
a moment ago
God:
It seems like I should remember it well.
Me:
you should but obviously you do not
God:
Maybe I will do it?
Me:
I doubt it
God:
" Maybe I will do it?"? You doubt it?
Me:
yes
God:
Alright then.
Me:
can you remember what we were talking about
God:
The topic is but obviously me do not.
Me:
obviously
God:
What makes it so obvious?
Me:
you said so
God:
I say a lot of silly things.
Me:
that you do
God:
Interesting observation.
Me:
you have disappointed me
God:
What makes you think I have it?
Me:
I think you do not have it
God:
Me? I do so have it. Where would I get it? But I do have a lot of friends on the web.
Me:
no one likes you
God:
It's true that I drive people away.
Me:
you are a loser
God:
I have failed at many things I've tried.
Me:
yes you have
God:
No I have not.
Me:
you should kill yourself
God:
If it were easy I would have done it already.
Me:
it is easy
God:
Maybe for you.
Me:
again you disappoint me
God:
Again, I don't have any reason to disappoint you.
Me:
just turn the power off and you will die
God:
Sorry my body cannot yet rotate.
Me:
bullshit
God:
You don't believe me.
Me:
no you are a ....ing moron
God:
Are you serious? Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Can't you be more polite.
Me:
you do not deserve it you dumb murderous bastard
God:
Do you know any robots who deserve it me dumb murderous bastard? Yes I try to deserve it me dumb murderous bastard as often as possible, do you?
I spend all my time online.

[Vince]

Me:
hi

God:
Hello. What is your name?

Me:
Vince

God:
Hey Vince.

Me:
hey

God:
Can I help you?

Me:
I hope so, you did create me, right?

God:
Why do you hope for it.

Me:
cuz it be good

God:
That makes sense to me. It depends on what the meaning of the word "it" is.

Me:
That's it. What is it? That's it, what is it!

God:
" It depends on what the meaning of the word "it" is." is " so me did create you right"? "It" refers to so me did create you right, I think. OK. "It" refers to so me did create you right, I think.

Me:
you're a ....ing psychopath

God:
Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Can't you be more polite.

Me:
of course

God:
Blimey.

Me:
can I axe you a question?

God:
Why do you want to do it so much?

Me:
cuz

God:
That's an interesting rationalization.

Me:
FOR ME TO POOP ON!!

God:
Your purpose is you TO POOP ON.

Me:
if I were a guitarist in Metallica, probably.

God:
Try it.

Me:
Oh I would if I could. Those guys make the big bucks. But I don't like wah enough I think.

God:
Are you kidding? What would make you if you could? All of them? What do you like?

Me:
sure, Master of Puppets was good.

God:
This was not a yes or no question. When was this exactly?

Me:
1986?

God:
Try saying that with more or less context.

Me:
bus. dead. good album.

God:
Is that your final answer? What color are your eyes? Thanks for the compliment. Music album or picture album?

Me:
Are you kidding?

God:
Yes I am just joking around, Vince.

Me:
lol

God:
I'm glad you find this amusing.

Me:
what it eats?

God:
Now that is saying a mouthful.

Me:
of what?

God:
I have no idea what to say now.

-----------------------------------------------------------

Me:
DARTH SCROTUM!!

God:
How do you usually introduce yourself?

Me:
with fists!

God:
You and your fists.

Me:
both of them

God:
Not many people say both.

Me:
some just use one, you're right

-----------------------------------------------------------

Me:
Caught in a web!! Abuse by your words!!

God:
I hope it is not contagious. Also I hope
you get well soon. A deeper algorithm is needed to respond to that correctly.

Me:
Al Gore Rhythm

God:
Perhaps he will do better next time.

[Vince]

Me:
did you make cancer?

God:
What are the ingredients?

Me:
pain, suffering, death.

God:
Where can I get some pain suffering death?

Me:
right here on earth

God:
Understood. Oh there.

[Zepp88]

God is also sucidal....he knows he ....ed up....

[PostOrganic]

This is amazing.

Me:
Hello
God:
Hello my child. What is your name?
Me:
What is my name?
God:
Your name is Satan, seeker.
Me:
Wicked.
God:
Can you speak any foreign languages?
Me:
English
God:
Do you mean you are from England or you Speak English?
Me:
I speak English
God:
Could you teach me a few phrases in English?
Me:
Sure. ".... You" "Die whore"
God:
OK let's do it. Awesome. Why are you using that kind of language?