Ask Jeff

[Murmel]

How will I go about acquiring Katy Perry?

[JeffFromMtl]

Originally Posted by ghstofperdition

Is Jesus really the son of God?

How many Newt Gingrichs does it take to ruin a country?

No. It was a case of broken telephone. His mother's name was Guadalupe. Instead of going by the more common nickname "Lupe" for short, she went by "Guad". Something got lost in translation over the last 2000 years or so.

0.32

Originally Posted by Metal_Webb

1. Does it put the lotion on it's skin? Lest it get the hose again?

2. Have you ever felt the urge to bake a cake from leftover mustard?

No matter how many times I ask it to put the lotion on its skin, I must resort to giving it the hose

No. But if I did, it would have a meat byproduct center.

[JeffFromMtl]

Originally Posted by Murmel

How will I go about acquiring Katy Perry?

Well, I hear she kissed a girl and liked it... Might I suggest an operation?

[Sephiroth952]

Oh wise jeff from Metal, To sweep or not to sweep. Is this truly the question?

[JeffFromMtl]

Originally Posted by Sephiroth952

Oh wise jeff from Metal, To sweep or not to sweep. Is this truly the question?

That is not truly the question.

The question is whether or not one is capable, and if so, can they do it tastefully? Therein lies your answer.

[Fiction]

Originally Posted by JeffFromMtl

The question is whether or not one is capable, and if so, can they do it tastefully? Therein lies your answer.

[Thep]

All right Jeff, I have some serious questions. I was really considering opening a thread just to ask these, but instead I seek your wisdom so answer them seriously.

1. Why does the metal claw/ metal orbs hand gesture feel so instinctive? When I was an orchestra nerd, which was before I started listening to extreme metal, I would do it to powerful, moving piece...Even my conductors did it every once and a while. When I started to listen to metal, I found myself doing it even more, but didn't realize it was a commonplace gesture especially in Black Metal

this is what I'm referring to



2. Is it normal to make more funny guitar faces as you get older? I vividly remember thinking how silly it was when guitarists do their solo faces. The past year, my technique has probably gone downhill from no bands or rigorous practicing, but I notice that I am starting to make more and more faces when I play.

3. There's somebody in my engineering courses who I've been fortunate enough to share a special night with. Apparently it was a one-nighter, but this very very fine girl struggles very much in all her classes, while I'm doing just fine. Do you feel it would be immoral to offer tutoring services in exchange for other types of services and to not care at all if she chooses fail the course?

4. As we all know, the guitar manufacturing industry is full of secrets that many would find surprising. OEM, ghostbuilding, markup, licensing, and other stuff like that can be new to people who initially thought that music instruments companies simply built and sold their instruments. This is true for many other industries, for instance, Persol, Ray-Ban, Chanel, Oakley, and Prada sunglasses are essentially the same. Having done an internship at a hand tool manufacturing facility, I found out that many brands like Craftsman, Husky, Kobalt, Armstrong, and Napa all come out the same machines and are built to the same quality by the same workers.

My question is, what other industries are like this? The first thing that comes to mind is the home furniture manufacturers and mattress companies. Obviously, its difficult to find out their dirty secrets, but I know that they are out there.

5. Is Texas the best state in the USA? Forget statistics, they're just numbers, I'm talking about the whole Texas culture...conservatively progressive with a diverse, southern charm.

6. What type of people purchase fleshlights?

7. I'm looking to purchase either a CNC machine or a 3D printer. How can I potentially turn this into the start of a lucrative business opportunity?

8. Is George Fisher's neck so large because of his head banging?

[ghstofperdition]

Jeff, how badass do you think my new guitar is? (provided you've seen the NGD in the sevenstring forum?)

[Grand Moff Tim]

I'm in a new country and completely guitarless. Do you think I should save up for a couple months to get a really nice one, or get a mid-range one sooner so I'll have something to play on while I decide if a nicer one will be worth it?

[Scar Symmetry]

Jeff, why are you so awesome?

[Goatchrist]

When will the new Necrophagist album be released?

[JeffFromMtl]

Originally Posted by Thep

All right Jeff, I have some serious questions. I was really considering opening a thread just to ask these, but instead I seek your wisdom so answer them seriously.

1. Why does the metal claw/ metal orbs hand gesture feel so instinctive? When I was an orchestra nerd, which was before I started listening to extreme metal, I would do it to powerful, moving piece...Even my conductors did it every once and a while. When I started to listen to metal, I found myself doing it even more, but didn't realize it was a commonplace gesture especially in Black Metal

2. Is it normal to make more funny guitar faces as you get older? I vividly remember thinking how silly it was when guitarists do their solo faces. The past year, my technique has probably gone downhill from no bands or rigorous practicing, but I notice that I am starting to make more and more faces when I play.

3. There's somebody in my engineering courses who I've been fortunate enough to share a special night with. Apparently it was a one-nighter, but this very very fine girl struggles very much in all her classes, while I'm doing just fine. Do you feel it would be immoral to offer tutoring services in exchange for other types of services and to not care at all if she chooses fail the course?

4. As we all know, the guitar manufacturing industry is full of secrets that many would find surprising. OEM, ghostbuilding, markup, licensing, and other stuff like that can be new to people who initially thought that music instruments companies simply built and sold their instruments. This is true for many other industries, for instance, Persol, Ray-Ban, Chanel, Oakley, and Prada sunglasses are essentially the same. Having done an internship at a hand tool manufacturing facility, I found out that many brands like Craftsman, Husky, Kobalt, Armstrong, and Napa all come out the same machines and are built to the same quality by the same workers.

My question is, what other industries are like this? The first thing that comes to mind is the home furniture manufacturers and mattress companies. Obviously, its difficult to find out their dirty secrets, but I know that they are out there.

5. Is Texas the best state in the USA? Forget statistics, they're just numbers, I'm talking about the whole Texas culture...conservatively progressive with a diverse, southern charm.

6. What type of people purchase fleshlights?

7. I'm looking to purchase either a CNC machine or a 3D printer. How can I potentially turn this into the start of a lucrative business opportunity?

8. Is George Fisher's neck so large because of his head banging?

1. "The claw" becomes instinctive when you spend too much time around metalheads in the same way that it becomes instinctive to nod in agreement if you grow up in the western world or by contrast, the way it becomes instinctive to sort of "bobble" your head back and forth in agreement if you grow up in India. I believe the claw originally started out as an indication that what you're doing is ....ing epic.

2. This is normal. You probably use the pentatonic scale more now too. These are all indications of aging.

3. Immoral? No. If she's willing to give it up for tutoring, that's her prerogative. But if she's not inclined to do so, she might think you're an asshole for even putting it on the table.

4. I know for certain that there are many other industries that do this. For example, Samyang, Pro-Optic and Bower camera lenses all come from the same manufacturing plant. How common it is, I can't say. But it's probably the case for most industries.

5. The best? Probably not, but I'm not a fan of conservative politics.

6. Is this your way of trying to find out what I think of you?

7. Use your 3D printer to print guns. Rob banks them with or sell them on the black market. Maybe to "foreign investors".

8. No, his father was a tree trunk.

Originally Posted by ghstofperdition

Jeff, how badass do you think my new guitar is? (provided you've seen the NGD in the sevenstring forum?)

Badass. As a matter of fact, V's are too badass for me.

Originally Posted by Grand Moff Tim

I'm in a new country and completely guitarless. Do you think I should save up for a couple months to get a really nice one, or get a mid-range one sooner so I'll have something to play on while I decide if a nicer one will be worth it?

Get a really nice one so that when you come back home, you have a guitar you could proudly add to your collection. A nice guitar is always worth it.

Originally Posted by Scar Symmetry

Jeff, why are you so awesome?

It's genetics, bruh.

Originally Posted by Goatchrist

When will the new Necrophagist album be released?

2017.

[Fiction]

What percent of the population admire their own poops, post-poop?

[MFB]

Where the .... are all the used 7X21's for sale at?!

[JeffFromMtl]

Originally Posted by Fiction

What percent of the population admire their own poops, post-poop?

49%. The other 51% are female.

Originally Posted by MFB

Where the .... are all the used 7X21's for sale at?!

That's a good question. I'm at a loss...

[Augminished]

1. Collect Underpants
2. ?
3. Profit

What is step 2?

[ghstofperdition]

Jeff, why is it that people disappear when you need their help?


Is Pizza Hut the best pizza available for delivery?


Why are carne asada burritos one of the greatest food items ever devised?

[SenorDingDong]

I got a paper cut on my EDIT: (this should have said finger, not penis--damn auto-correct), only it sort of severed it in half due to--well, forget the details. Will tape be okay for that? Because all I have on hand is Scotch.

Been keeping it on ice, but the sooner the better. Thanks!

[BlindingLight7]

Jeff, how do I acquire many bitches, get money AND stay a fatty?

[JeffFromMtl]

Originally Posted by Augminished

1. Collect Underpants
2. ?
3. Profit

What is step 2?

Hold underpants ransom

Originally Posted by ghstofperdition

Jeff, why is it that people disappear when you need their help?


Is Pizza Hut the best pizza available for delivery?


Why are carne asada burritos one of the greatest food items ever devised?

It's the world's way of telling you that you don't really need them.

Whoa, no. But it's probably the greasiest.

Because they come from a long line of glorious delicacies procured by the Mexicans, who are far smarter than they're given credit for.

Originally Posted by JWGriebel

I got a paper cut on my EDIT: (this should have said finger, not penis--damn auto-correct), only it sort of severed it in half due to--well, forget the details. Will tape be okay for that? Because all I have on hand is Scotch.

Been keeping it on ice, but the sooner the better. Thanks!

I'd advise against it. But that's probably just me being biased. I once got a horrible reaction to an adhesive I put on my skin. It itched and blistered up like nobody's business. Since then, I've been weary of letting things such as tape and band-aids touch my skin.

Originally Posted by BlindingLight7

Jeff, how do I acquire many bitches, get money AND stay a fatty?

It's difficult to put into words, so I'll just leave this here.

[guitareben]

Have you ever killed a man?

[leandroab]

Originally Posted by Scar Symmetry

Jeff, why are you so awesome?

Something to do with poutines...

[Slamp]

I accidentally the whole thing.
What can i do?

[ghstofperdition]

I do not believe in April Fools day, yet people insist that it's real. I have been mocked, scorned and put down about my beliefs. Wat do?

[JeffFromMtl]

Originally Posted by guitareben

Have you ever killed a man?

Not a man, no.

Originally Posted by Slamp

I accidentally the whole thing.
What can i do?

Purposely un- the whole thing.

Originally Posted by ghstofperdition

I do not believe in April Fools day, yet people insist that it's real. I have been mocked, scorned and put down about my beliefs. Wat do?

Stick 'em with a shiv, and shout "HAHA, APRIL FOOLS!".