Ask Jeff

[AngstRiddenDreams]

Wonder if there really is a dog?

[Fiction]

Then who was phone?

[matt397]

Originally Posted by Fiction

Then who was phone?

Maybe if really when like...

[ghstofperdition]

What are the steps to completing a hanoi tower puzzle in the fewest moves possible?

[Hollowway]

Sage Jeff, if I eat Subway, while on a subway, does it not substantially increase my chance of entering a worm hole, or should I just go back to eating a Powerbar and forget about the whole damn thing?

[JeffFromMtl]

Originally Posted by bandinaboy

What do blind people dream of?

And also,
Why do things become dark when they are wet?

Things beyond our grasp and comprehension. Things that simply eschew the bounds of colour and shape that the minds of others have come to define certain concepts with.

It's because light will reflect differently off of a wet surface than a dry surface. The only reason our eyes are capable of perceiving colour is because of the light reflecting off of the subject and into our eyes. The water on the surface of your given subject will alter its reflective properties. Hence, when wet, the colour becomes darker - "dampened". The water in a way, "absorbs" the light that would otherwise be reflected off of the subject. This is why although water is transparent, we cannot see the bottom of the ocean. The light is reflected and, in effect, "absorbed" by the water molecules it reaches first. This is why the further down you go, the less light is able to penetrate.

Originally Posted by matt397

What does an agnostic dyslexic insomniac do ?

He occupies himself finding as many dangerous ways to test his own faith as possible, deliberating between believing or not. He probably also watches a lot of TV.

[JeffFromMtl]

Originally Posted by AngstRiddenDreams

Wonder if there really is a dog?

I don't. I accept "dog", as a symbol or term that has conventionally come to be associated with the concept of a fur-covered, four-legged sentient being that is at once territorial and loyal, while hunting in a pack. I trust that I have not been lied to and I trust that when I refer to said term, others relate it to the same concept.

Originally Posted by Fiction

Then who was phone?

Xylophone.

Originally Posted by matt397

Maybe if really when like...

I'm afraid this statement is beyond my level of comprehension. I will try again in the future, when I am a wiser self.

Originally Posted by ghstofperdition

What are the steps to completing a hanoi tower puzzle in the fewest moves possible?

I don't know. But when all else fails, you can flip the table.

Originally Posted by Hollowway

Sage Jeff, if I eat Subway, while on a subway, does it not substantially increase my chance of entering a worm hole, or should I just go back to eating a Powerbar and forget about the whole damn thing?

I'm doubtful. This brings me back to the idea that the names we have come to associate with the concepts of the things around us are inconsequential. You may accept that the food you are shoving into your face shares a name with the tube you are traveling through, however you may be challenged to believe that because they share a name, they share vital properties that go beyond either novelty or aesthetics.

However if you are still tempted to pursue your efforts in traveling through time and space, I would recommend extra hot peppers and south-west chipotle sauce.

[gunshow86de]

I must know.......

[JeffFromMtl]

Originally Posted by gunshow86de

I must know.......

Despite their repeated efforts to go down the path of self-respect and higher education, they all end up going to the same place.

They go home with Jeff.

[BlindingLight7]

Oh wise jeff, how is babby formed?

[simulclass83]

At a movie theater which arm rest is yours?

What would you do in a situation where you went in for a general check up (where the removal of clothes was required), and your doctor happened to be a stunningly attractive female?

If you are asked to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth and you're the main witness, what if you say "no"?

Do glow-in-the-dark objects stop glowing when somebody turns the lights on?

If you put a chameleon in a room full of mirrors, what color would it turn?

some age old questions...

[JeffFromMtl]

Originally Posted by BlindingLight7

Oh wise jeff, how is babby formed?

Originally Posted by simulclass83

At a movie theater which arm rest is yours?

What would you do in a situation where you went in for a general check up (where the removal of clothes was required), and your doctor happened to be a stunningly attractive female?

If you are asked to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth and you're the main witness, what if you say "no"?

Do glow-in-the-dark objects stop glowing when somebody turns the lights on?

If you put a chameleon in a room full of mirrors, what color would it turn?

some age old questions...

It depends entirely on how much pain you're willing to inflict for either arm rest. If the person beside you is larger, go for the other side. If they're both larger, all bets are off.

I ask no questions.

You have balls.

No, their luminescence simply becomes less pronounced relative to their surroundings.

It would turn the colour of the floor. If the floor is a mirror or it is standing directly beside a mirror, it would try killing its nearest doppelganger.

[Metal_Webb]

1. Why do men have nipples?

2. Do the curtains match the drapes, or is it simply a tarp?

[JeffFromMtl]

Originally Posted by Metal_Webb

1. Why do men have nipples?

2. Do the curtains match the drapes, or is it simply a tarp?

1. Because they're the sexiest part of the male anatomy and that should, for no reason at all, be compromised.

2. In these trying times, one must always proceed with caution.

[caskettheclown]

I just got kicked out of my band for ridiculous reasons which make no logical sense.


What should I do now?

[Bigfan]

Originally Posted by JeffFromMtl

It would turn the colour of the floor. If the floor is a mirror or it is standing directly beside a mirror, it would try killing its nearest doppelganger.

Chameleons actually change colour as a means of interaction between individuals. Their colour also darkens when exposed to a threat, but they don't actually attempt to look like parts of vegetation or something, unlike certain species of Coleoidea, mainly octopuses:

[ghstofperdition]

Should I shave my legs today, or say .... society and go au natural?

[JeffFromMtl]

Originally Posted by caskettheclown

I just got kicked out of my band for ridiculous reasons which make no logical sense.


What should I do now?

You have two choices:

1. Kill the rest of the band and continue under the same band name. If anyone suspects anything, tell them that you don't know what they're talking about, insisting that it's been a solo project all along.

2. Withdraw from society, make failed attempts at opening up a taco shop and an antiques store. Move to Mexico and fall in love with a beautiful but completely broken single mother of 3. Swear the do right by her, and hold this adoptive family together with all of the white glue and staples the menial jobs you find will afford you. At the age of 53, when your adoptive children have left and your beautiful Mexican wife has grown to resent you in her menopausal state, regardless of all you've done for her, develop odd habits, such as starting a collection of roadkill trophies such as fur pelts, bone shards and feathers. Assemble these trophies on a shrine where you mourn the untimely death of your music career all those years ago. At 59, succumb to the whiskey and deep regret of never being good enough for the ones you love. Your liver and heart just can't take any more abuse.

Originally Posted by Bigfan

Chameleons actually change colour as a means of interaction between individuals. Their colour also darkens when exposed to a threat, but they don't actually attempt to look like parts of vegetation or something, unlike certain species of Coleoidea, mainly octopuses:

Don't you get huffy with me. See disclaimer in OP. This is not the "Expose Jeff for Lies and Treason" Thread.

Originally Posted by ghstofperdition

Should I shave my legs today, or say .... society and go au natural?

.... it. But keep a pair of scissors handy throughout the day so that if anyone protests the state of your legs, you can cut off a tuft of leg hair and stuff it into their mouth.

[Hollowway]

Originally Posted by JeffFromMtl

Don't you get huffy with me. See disclaimer in OP.

Yes, please please please do not question Jeff From Metal! Being from Metal, he is all knowing on these forums, and if provoked could use the powers those from the planet Metal have, and we could all be terribly screwed!

[ghstofperdition]

Originally Posted by Hollowway

Yes, please please please do not question Jeff From Metal! Being from Metal, he is all knowing on these forums, and if provoked could use the powers those from the planet Metal have, and we could all be terribly screwed!

This. You could set the 10 plagues of Egypt into motion, but on a global scale. This will be followed by a Justin Beiber world tour, which is the secret 11th plague that God couldn't bring himself to unleash.

tl;dr
Don't piss off Jeff because he has even bigger balls than God...

[Cynic]

Originally Posted by Metal_Webb

1. Why do men have nipples?

To put it simply, men have nipples because women have nipples. The full biological explanation is something that I can't really remember right now.

[Thep]

its possible for a man to lactate by the way...

[Sephiroth952]

Oh wise Jeff from Montreal, when I dawn my cape and go out in the woods to fight trolls while listening to Blind Guardian, which weapon do I take with me, my battle ax or my long sword?

[Xaios]

What is the purpose of the goggles?

[Hollowway]

Originally Posted by Sephiroth952

Oh wise Jeff from Montreal,

Haha, silly mortal! Jeff is not from Montreal - rookie mistake. He is from Metal. The dimension that surrounds us, and is yet beyond us. Kind of like the tesseract, but with other bands and 4 dimensional objects as well.