Saddest Woman in America

josh pelican · 05-10-2011, 11:05 AM

Last Pick Of WNBA Draft Earns Title Of Saddest Woman In America | The Onion Sports Network

Quote:

BRISTOL, CT—With the 36th and final pick of the 2011 WNBA Draft, the Seattle Storm selected 6-foot-5 center and rebound specialist Krystal Thomas, thereby officially making her the saddest woman in the United States of America.

Thomas, a psychology major who had been planning to go to medical school before suffering the tragedy of being chosen for a woman's professional basketball team, was too distraught to actually watch the draft Monday night. She learned her fate from friends and family and immediately succumbed to depression severe enough to make her, by all accepted standards of measurement, the nation's saddest woman.

lolwut?

This story officially makes me the man that laughed the loudest in Canada.

Murmel · 05-10-2011, 11:10 AM

...and made me the man that "what the ....ed" the hardest in Sweden.

Cheesebuiscut · 05-10-2011, 11:13 AM

lol, the onion.

Edika · 05-10-2011, 11:52 AM

Poor woman! Fate has decided to make her a professional basketball player instead of a doctor (medical) and she can do nothing about it! How can you people be so heartless in the face of such tragedy?

The Somberlain · 05-10-2011, 07:50 PM

Women's pro sports in America. A pitiful joke...

Dead Undead · 05-10-2011, 08:42 PM

I love the Onion.
Kim Jong Il Announces Plan To Bring Moon To North Korea | The Onion - America's Finest News Source | Onion News Network

kamello · 05-10-2011, 09:19 PM

Quote:

Thomas was reportedly so inconsolable that she easily eclipsed America's
previous saddest woman, 42-year-old Delaware resident Mary Vernon,
who lost her family and both her hands in a tragic car accident last
month.

you must be ....ing kidding

josh pelican · 05-10-2011, 10:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dead Undead

I love the Onion.
Kim Jong Il Announces Plan To Bring Moon To North Korea | The Onion - America's Finest News Source | Onion News Network

That had nothing to do with this topic.

TXDeathMetal · 05-10-2011, 10:11 PM

what.the.hell?

Dead Undead · 05-11-2011, 07:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by josh pelican

That had nothing to do with this topic.

It had to do with The Onion

I

'd so hard at OP though. Mostly because it reminds me of people I know.

-42- · 05-11-2011, 07:53 PM

I laughed when I realized that not only had the OP been banned, but every single person who thanked his post.

Then I cowered in fear.

kamello · 05-11-2011, 10:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by -42-

I laughed when I realized that not only had the OP been banned, but every single person who thanked his post.

Then I cowered in fear.

....then....should I?......meeeeeh

	sevenstring guitars		sevenstring registry		photo gallery		subscription		spy

05-10-2011, 11:10 AM	#2
Murmel Fapping to J-rock Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: Hotgirl-City, Sweden Posts: 3,172 Thanked: 34 Feedback Score: 0 reviews	...and made me the man that "what the ....ed" the hardest in Sweden. MikeH, GuitaristOfHell, WickedSymphony and 1 others like this. Schecters don't have baseball bat necks. Get the .... over it. "I think this mistake was the equivalent of a 6000 foot tall cock bukkake tsunami-ing Tokyo." -metallisuk Shono, forever and always.

05-10-2011, 11:13 AM	#3
Cheesebuiscut Loves his Q-tuners Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: NJ Posts: 4,075 Thanked: 45 Feedback Score: 2 reviews	lol, the onion. highlordmugfug, avenger, Sollesnes and 2 others like this.

05-10-2011, 11:52 AM	#4
Edika SS.org Regular Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: Londonderry, N.Ireland, UK Posts: 1,344 Thanked: 13 Feedback Score: 1 reviews	Poor woman! Fate has decided to make her a professional basketball player instead of a doctor (medical) and she can do nothing about it! How can you people be so heartless in the face of such tragedy? New songs from my band Semic Stains up at: http://www.myspace.com/semicstains Check 'em out!

05-10-2011, 07:50 PM	#5
The Somberlain Hollow Man Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: Tacoma, WA Posts: 643 Thanked: 11 Feedback Score: 0 reviews	Women's pro sports in America. A pitiful joke... AxeHappy likes this. I think we ought always to entertain our opinions with some measure of doubt. I shouldn't wish people dogmatically to believe any philosophy, not even mine. -Bertrand Russell "The Somberlain is a wise man" -Randy

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05-10-2011, 08:42 PM	#6
Dead Undead Thundercrafter Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: Georgia Posts: 2,722 Thanked: 15 Feedback Score: 1 reviews	I love the Onion. Kim Jong Il Announces Plan To Bring Moon To North Korea \| The Onion - America's Finest News Source \| Onion News Network

05-10-2011, 10:11 PM	#9
TXDeathMetal Lemme smang it girl! Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: Camden, AR Posts: 1,417 Thanked: 23 Feedback Score: 1 reviews	what.the.hell? "Fried or fertilized?"- Yung Humma "Next installation, wire a BKP into a car horn circuit and djonk at people in traffic!"- Variant "Please tell me theres a hot girl behind this post and we'll get married and I'll make you hate your vagina."- vampiregenocide "Ah well. I must continue my search for a woman who is as big a douchebag as I am.- vampiregenocide My Youtube Channel David Shankle Is A Douche

05-11-2011, 07:53 PM	#11
-42- Nothing to see here Join Date: Feb 2011 Location: Cental Coast, CA Posts: 2,273 Thanked: 36 Feedback Score: 0 reviews	I laughed when I realized that not only had the OP been banned, but every single person who thanked his post. Then I cowered in fear. ayambakar and Dead Undead like this.

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