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Unread 03-25-2012, 04:03 AM   #3726
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Good grief this is ridiculous guys...even I don't cause this much drama!


I am talking to the Cancer girl again, and she got back with her abusive BF...so I'm just like..."hi..."
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Unread 03-25-2012, 09:04 AM   #3727
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So I talked to the drummer girl and asked her if she'd be down for watching a movie with just us two. She said she'd like to get to know me better, but she's not looking for a relationship (She leaves in June so I guess that makes sense?)
I'm not too down about it, but we're still totally cool. Maybe I'll ask her again after we've hung out more and she'd be more up for the idea.
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Unread 03-25-2012, 09:48 AM   #3728
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Originally Posted by BlindingLight7 View Post
Good grief this is ridiculous guys...even I don't cause this much drama!


I am talking to the Cancer girl again, and she got back with her abusive BF...so I'm just like..."hi..."
That's a battle you'll likely not win, man. :/

It's more fun when we're comparing foreveralone status stories. Rest of this is just too much ....ing drama.



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Unread 03-25-2012, 10:11 AM   #3729
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So I talked to the drummer girl and asked her if she'd be down for watching a movie with just us two. She said she'd like to get to know me better, but she's not looking for a relationship (She leaves in June so I guess that makes sense?)
I'm not too down about it, but we're still totally cool. Maybe I'll ask her again after we've hung out more and she'd be more up for the idea.
Well, we told you... Didn't we?

When I was studying in the US and was about to go back home (two months) I didn't want to start a relationship, but I did it anyways. And it was awesome. Sure, when I left we both felt like .... for a few weeks, but it healed.

I say take your time and see what happens!

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Unread 03-25-2012, 10:29 AM   #3730
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That's exactly what I'm doing, dude. Not gonna try and push her at all, just sit back and let the chips fall where they may.
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Unread 03-25-2012, 06:54 PM   #3731
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So...I took the woman to dinner last night. We had a wonderful time. She looked absolutely amazing. The restaurant, food, and weather were just beautiful. We had a nice long talk about what we each want and need, how we each feel, and what we expect from each other. Open-ness, honesty, and clear communication are great things.

Anyway...the insanity seems to have cleared. It mostly has to do with the uncertainty that I feel at the beginning of any given relationship, when I am trying to determine my role, and where I stand from the woman's perspective. But since we talked about that, and did so very clearly, most of my fear, uncertainty, and doubt has been ameliorated.
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Unread 03-25-2012, 08:44 PM   #3732
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now, be careful.

the pretty ones know how to mask their crazy better than most.
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Unread 03-25-2012, 09:08 PM   #3733
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now, be careful.

the pretty ones know how to mask their crazy better than most.
Oh I know that. I am very familiar with her brand of crazy. It's something I can cope with very well.
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Unread 03-25-2012, 09:21 PM   #3734
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Originally Posted by HaMMerHeD View Post
So...I took the woman to dinner last night. We had a wonderful time. She looked absolutely amazing. The restaurant, food, and weather were just beautiful. We had a nice long talk about what we each want and need, how we each feel, and what we expect from each other. Open-ness, honesty, and clear communication are great things.

Anyway...the insanity seems to have cleared. It mostly has to do with the uncertainty that I feel at the beginning of any given relationship, when I am trying to determine my role, and where I stand from the woman's perspective. But since we talked about that, and did so very clearly, most of my fear, uncertainty, and doubt has been ameliorated.

Thats good so far man! I was wondering what was going on!
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Unread 03-26-2012, 09:10 AM   #3735
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Oh I know that. I am very familiar with her brand of crazy. It's something I can cope with very well.
Is it Kinky crazy? 'cause that can be fun, but as a gentleman, I find it hard to enjoy slapping a girl around.

"Harder!"
"I don't want to hurt you..."
"That's the point! HARDER!"

*shivers*
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Unread 03-26-2012, 09:50 AM   #3736
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Friday night was kinda interesting for me. It served as a painful reminder of how much I suck.

I invite my friend Kylea over. The plans were just to drink a bit and goof off and whatnot. My roommate/bff Rob was also there, enjoying a rare friday night off from his night shift job. Kylea then asks if her best friend Amanda can come over.

Amanda comes over. This is the first time Rob and I have met her. Being me, I say hi and continue drowning in a bottle of vodka. Rob, however, somehow instantly hits it off with this girl. What I found perplexing was how Rob did nothing but act like a dick and make fun of her and she loved it. When they started getting cuddly, it made me very uncomfortable so I drank more. After a little while, I just went to sleep.

Rob got lucky that night with a girl he had never met before. This is something I consider to be kinda normal for people, but also something that I am completely incapable of doing. I'm not an asshole, I refuse to act like one, and there is still the whole touching people thing I cant seem to get over. I've only been in a similar situation once in my life, knowing a girl you just met wants to ...., but I turned her down because "uncomfortable" doesnt even begin to describe how it made me feel. That was in 2008 and I havent changed at all. You might think alcohol would help with that kinda stuff, but the drunker I got, the more I receded from the group. I remember going outside for a cig and only able to think about how I'd love to run and get as far away from my apartment as possible.

This isnt a unique experience either.
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Unread 03-26-2012, 10:15 AM   #3737
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Originally Posted by Sicarius View Post
Is it Kinky crazy? 'cause that can be fun, but as a gentleman, I find it hard to enjoy slapping a girl around.

"Harder!"
"I don't want to hurt you..."
"That's the point! HARDER!"

*shivers*
No, nothing like that. I have the same problem. I don't like violence to be a part of intimacy.

Quote:
Originally Posted by leftyguitarjoe View Post
Friday night was kinda interesting for me. It served as a painful reminder of how much I suck.

I invite my friend Kylea over. The plans were just to drink a bit and goof off and whatnot. My roommate/bff Rob was also there, enjoying a rare friday night off from his night shift job. Kylea then asks if her best friend Amanda can come over.

Amanda comes over. This is the first time Rob and I have met her. Being me, I say hi and continue drowning in a bottle of vodka. Rob, however, somehow instantly hits it off with this girl. What I found perplexing was how Rob did nothing but act like a dick and make fun of her and she loved it. When they started getting cuddly, it made me very uncomfortable so I drank more. After a little while, I just went to sleep.

Rob got lucky that night with a girl he had never met before. This is something I consider to be kinda normal for people, but also something that I am completely incapable of doing. I'm not an asshole, I refuse to act like one, and there is still the whole touching people thing I cant seem to get over. I've only been in a similar situation once in my life, knowing a girl you just met wants to ...., but I turned her down because "uncomfortable" doesnt even begin to describe how it made me feel. That was in 2008 and I havent changed at all. You might think alcohol would help with that kinda stuff, but the drunker I got, the more I receded from the group. I remember going outside for a cig and only able to think about how I'd love to run and get as far away from my apartment as possible.

This isnt a unique experience either.
Well, I can't say I have a problem with physical contact, but I do know some of how you. I have found that rather than social lubricant or liquid courage, or any of the other wildly misleading nicknames people have for alcohol, to me, it's just a mood amplifier. If I am feeling good, it will make me feel better. If I am feeling bad, it'll make it worse. If I'm feeling uncomfortable and anti-social, it'll make me want to run away somewhere dark and quiet by myself.

I have never been very OK with the idea of a one-night stand. Now...I've done it, because sometimes you just have to grit your teeth and blow the em ergency exhaust valve. But it's not a great situation, and I would never call any one night stand good sex. It's meh at best. All I can say is, if it bothers you, don't do it. If it is outside your character to be a jerk, don't do it. But don't overlook the fact that some people like a bit of friendly teasing from time to time. From your perspective, he was being a dick...but I guarantee you she had a different interpretation.
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Unread 03-26-2012, 10:21 AM   #3738
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Update from my last post:

So last night, I swallowed my pride, got made up and dressed nicely, and met up with that girl at our favorite drinking spot not far from my house. It was just her and me there. I told her about everything that is going on and what all went down between that asshole guy and myself. She was less than happy with him and flat told me whether or not she even still hangs out with him is kinda up in the air. She also said that I was completely in the right for being upset, and that had she known that I liked her, she wouldn't have kissed that guy.

Fairy tale ending right? Not really...

Come to find out that in the last week, 9 guys have approached her (and now I guess one girl. ) and she is feeling kinda overwhelmed is more or less telling everybody to .... off because she can't really deal with being hit on that much at once. I don't blame her one bit, because I have had a similar, but more mild version of that happen to me and it is annoying as .....

I told her so, and I told her that's why I was originally trying to just move very slowly and cautiously, and it's also why I wanted to get the okay from her ex (my buddy and former bandmate)
I wanted to leave nothing to chance. But then asshole-ish people come along and kinda cut me off and demand to get into her pants. Of course she blows them off for the most part, but it's kinda made me rush some of the things that I was trying to do.

I told her all of this and she flat out told me that she REALLY appreciates what I was trying to do, and that she is big on personality and not looks. She also said that my personality is perfect and that we really click, so her response to me telling her that I like her is kind of a "let's just keep going in this direction and see where it goes" thing. She is committing to nothing right now, and I'm totally cool with that.

All in all a good "date" of sorts. I've plenty worse ones, and I was SO appreciative of the fact that she understood and basically sided with me on the whole issue with that one guy...

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Unread 03-26-2012, 10:33 AM   #3739
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Originally Posted by HaMMerHeD View Post
No, nothing like that. I have the same problem. I don't like violence to be a part of intimacy.



Well, I can't say I have a problem with physical contact, but I do know some of how you. I have found that rather than social lubricant or liquid courage, or any of the other wildly misleading nicknames people have for alcohol, to me, it's just a mood amplifier. If I am feeling good, it will make me feel better. If I am feeling bad, it'll make it worse. If I'm feeling uncomfortable and anti-social, it'll make me want to run away somewhere dark and quiet by myself.

I have never been very OK with the idea of a one-night stand. Now...I've done it, because sometimes you just have to grit your teeth and blow the em ergency exhaust valve. But it's not a great situation, and I would never call any one night stand good sex. It's meh at best. All I can say is, if it bothers you, don't do it. If it is outside your character to be a jerk, don't do it. But don't overlook the fact that some people like a bit of friendly teasing from time to time. From your perspective, he was being a dick...but I guarantee you she had a different interpretation.
That's what I was going to say. Was he being a legit jerk? Or making fun of her, but in a way that was obviously sarcastic and playful? Poking fun with people and being a "jerk" is like a racy joke people enjoy it even though it seems they shouldn't.
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Unread 03-26-2012, 11:22 AM   #3740
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^I agree. I'd need to know the context of his jokes better before I'd throw the label of jerk on him.

Girls love to be teased, but not insulted if that makes any sense. The casual teasing lets them know that you're interesting and have a sense of humor.

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Unread 03-26-2012, 12:33 PM   #3741
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Originally Posted by leftyguitarjoe View Post
Friday night was kinda interesting for me. It served as a painful reminder of how much I suck.

I invite my friend Kylea over. The plans were just to drink a bit and goof off and whatnot. My roommate/bff Rob was also there, enjoying a rare friday night off from his night shift job. Kylea then asks if her best friend Amanda can come over.

Amanda comes over. This is the first time Rob and I have met her. Being me, I say hi and continue drowning in a bottle of vodka. Rob, however, somehow instantly hits it off with this girl. What I found perplexing was how Rob did nothing but act like a dick and make fun of her and she loved it. When they started getting cuddly, it made me very uncomfortable so I drank more. After a little while, I just went to sleep.

Rob got lucky that night with a girl he had never met before. This is something I consider to be kinda normal for people, but also something that I am completely incapable of doing. I'm not an asshole, I refuse to act like one, and there is still the whole touching people thing I cant seem to get over. I've only been in a similar situation once in my life, knowing a girl you just met wants to ...., but I turned her down because "uncomfortable" doesnt even begin to describe how it made me feel. That was in 2008 and I havent changed at all. You might think alcohol would help with that kinda stuff, but the drunker I got, the more I receded from the group. I remember going outside for a cig and only able to think about how I'd love to run and get as far away from my apartment as possible.

This isnt a unique experience either.
dude, you may think otherwise, but you're a winner. getting laid is getting laid. but if shes that easy, she probably has some sort of std or worse.
i dont know about you or the rest of the guys here, but i don't like easy women. i like women with class and smarts and i am pretty sure you're that kind of person too.

if you want to be conservative and act kind, then a woman who likes that will be attracted. woman who like assholes are usually dumb bitches and have low self esteem.

the only thing i can think of you doing bad is you downing some alcohol when feeling uncomfortable.
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Unread 03-26-2012, 02:05 PM   #3742
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^sorry, but that's not true. ALL women want a dominant, secure male, on some level. And, sorry to say, but if there are available women around a group of men, the ones who are secure with themselves and more outgoing will win out.

Probably the biggest "problem" I see with this thread is guys wanting to be their themselves, which is often times withdrawn and completely oblivious to what women want, and still find a girl who is attracted to that over the alternative. I hate to break it to you guys, but sometimes finding girls takes work and preparation. you never know when you'll meet the perfect girl, so you ALWAYS have to be prepared, meaning mentally, emotionally, and physically (to a lesser extend, but still). If you're in here to talk about how girls are all messed up because none of them like you, they you'd probably need to take some responsibility for how you present yourself and see things from their point of view.

Look, I'm not one of these guys that picks up girls relentlessly, I was once the guy that our mothers raise us to be, kind and polite and never agressive. but all I got was girls that should have been with me picking some "asshole" (often a gross misinterpretation on said asshole's part, steming from jealously) over me, then telling me about how things have gone wrong and how they'd love someone just like me, but not me. Then, I took it upon myself to find out what women like, and i havn't been at a loss since. Take responsibility for learning the human mating ritual, guys, and STOP KILLING YOURSELVES WITH SORROW AND BOOZE .

To leftyguitarjoe, few things suck more than seeing your buddies score while you remain on the sidelines, but take the lessons you can learn, and weigh it against the pain that you feel, and know that the lesson, if you learn from it, is ALWAYS the bargain. You dont have to feel like that anymore if you put in the work. Good luck dawg!
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Unread 03-26-2012, 02:50 PM   #3743
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but it's so much easier (and more fun) to be dismissive and say, "bitches be crazy".



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Unread 03-26-2012, 03:42 PM   #3744
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I have a coupon for an extra large jar of vaseline that you can have, then.

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Unread 03-26-2012, 03:49 PM   #3745
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I have soft hands, already.



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Unread 03-26-2012, 03:53 PM   #3746
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^sorry, but that's not true. ALL women want a dominant, secure male, on some level. And, sorry to say, but if there are available women around a group of men, the ones who are secure with themselves and more outgoing will win out.

Probably the biggest "problem" I see with this thread is guys wanting to be their themselves, which is often times withdrawn and completely oblivious to what women want, and still find a girl who is attracted to that over the alternative. I hate to break it to you guys, but sometimes finding girls takes work and preparation. you never know when you'll meet the perfect girl, so you ALWAYS have to be prepared, meaning mentally, emotionally, and physically (to a lesser extend, but still). If you're in here to talk about how girls are all messed up because none of them like you, they you'd probably need to take some responsibility for how you present yourself and see things from their point of view.

Look, I'm not one of these guys that picks up girls relentlessly, I was once the guy that our mothers raise us to be, kind and polite and never agressive. but all I got was girls that should have been with me picking some "asshole" (often a gross misinterpretation on said asshole's part, steming from jealously) over me, then telling me about how things have gone wrong and how they'd love someone just like me, but not me. Then, I took it upon myself to find out what women like, and i havn't been at a loss since. Take responsibility for learning the human mating ritual, guys, and STOP KILLING YOURSELVES WITH SORROW AND BOOZE .

To leftyguitarjoe, few things suck more than seeing your buddies score while you remain on the sidelines, but take the lessons you can learn, and weigh it against the pain that you feel, and know that the lesson, if you learn from it, is ALWAYS the bargain. You dont have to feel like that anymore if you put in the work. Good luck dawg!
i dont see being an asshole as being dominant; just an asshole.

nice guys will get the job done, but it's more confidence that i felt made it the nice guys game.

nice guys can be dominant by taking command, which has nothing to do with being a prick i feel. being an ass, i dont see a lot women going for that over here where i live.
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Unread 03-26-2012, 09:01 PM   #3747
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See, no one's advocating being an asshole. I just mentioned that you have to be comfortable with yourself (thats where the "confidence" part comes in) and you have to take stock in yourself if you ever expect a woman to. That includes setting your own personal boundaries and going after what you want, values that lots of "B" males misconstrue as being an asshole. Nice guys definately do get the job done, but not when someone else is displaying all the right characteristics and being active in finding their girl and the nice guy is just being nice. We're saying the same thing, just in different ways.

Lots of people dont like the way things are, but it's alot easier to accept the way of the world, learn the game, and then kick ass at it, than to sit around with your lip stuck out wishing that things were different. I feel passionately about it, since i used to do just that, and sometimes I come across a bit crass and people don't like it. Doesn't make the ideas any less valid, or the statements any less true. Take care, guys =)

EDIT: btw, to go back to the OP, I get the feeling that the "acting like an ass" thing that leftyguitarjoe mentioned would probably include the guy busting this girls balls and being loud and boastful. What does that communicate to the girl? That he's comfortable in her presence and isn't intimidated by her attractiveness (they know they're attractive, trust me) and that he is DOMINANT. At least in that situation. If it was the wrong thing to do, she probably would have stopped him. Maybe joe could come clarify? Either way, I hope you find something you can use in my statements and are more prepared when the next one comes along, and there WILL be a next one. later dudes.
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Unread 03-26-2012, 09:44 PM   #3748
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Update from my last post:

So last night, I swallowed my pride, got made up and dressed nicely, and met up with that girl at our favorite drinking spot not far from my house. It was just her and me there. I told her about everything that is going on and what all went down between that asshole guy and myself. She was less than happy with him and flat told me whether or not she even still hangs out with him is kinda up in the air. She also said that I was completely in the right for being upset, and that had she known that I liked her, she wouldn't have kissed that guy.

Fairy tale ending right? Not really...

Come to find out that in the last week, 9 guys have approached her (and now I guess one girl. ) and she is feeling kinda overwhelmed is more or less telling everybody to .... off because she can't really deal with being hit on that much at once. I don't blame her one bit, because I have had a similar, but more mild version of that happen to me and it is annoying as .....

I told her so, and I told her that's why I was originally trying to just move very slowly and cautiously, and it's also why I wanted to get the okay from her ex (my buddy and former bandmate)
I wanted to leave nothing to chance. But then asshole-ish people come along and kinda cut me off and demand to get into her pants. Of course she blows them off for the most part, but it's kinda made me rush some of the things that I was trying to do.

I told her all of this and she flat out told me that she REALLY appreciates what I was trying to do, and that she is big on personality and not looks. She also said that my personality is perfect and that we really click, so her response to me telling her that I like her is kind of a "let's just keep going in this direction and see where it goes" thing. She is committing to nothing right now, and I'm totally cool with that.

All in all a good "date" of sorts. I've plenty worse ones, and I was SO appreciative of the fact that she understood and basically sided with me on the whole issue with that one guy...
sounds like a fairytale ending to me dude
this girl listened to what you had to say, thanked you for sharing your feelings, shared her own feeling with you, and basically agreed that you two really click. what else could have made it better?
on a side note, heres whats happening in my world with relationships. i talked to my ex for the first time in about a month and it was really good, we are still not talking, just to give eachother space, but we are both on the exact samne page with wanting to be friends but not wanting to rush it. since the break up i have been devoting alot of time to myself, somthing i in alot of ways neglected when we were together. i really feel i am learning ALOT about myself, and its weird but i am not interested in finding someone else at all at the moment. life really is pretty ....ing good at the moment

...Each guitarist has an evil fat 40 year old blueswankler trying to get out, If you give in to temptation you'll be sitting next to a fender playing john lee hooker while trying to keep your combover in place.

-Desecrated

being black and enjoying watermelon, i think this thread needs more watermelon.
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Unread 03-27-2012, 12:17 PM   #3749
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that's usually how it goes.

Then you wake up one morning, realizing it's been 3 1/2 years, and then you're forever alone like the rest of us.

-_- I really need more friends so I can get out more lol



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Unread 03-27-2012, 12:33 PM   #3750
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Thrashmanzac View Post
sounds like a fairytale ending to me dude
this girl listened to what you had to say, thanked you for sharing your feelings, shared her own feeling with you, and basically agreed that you two really click. what else could have made it better?
on a side note, here's whats happening in my world with relationships. i talked to my ex for the first time in about a month and it was really good, we are still not talking, just to give each other space, but we are both on the exact same page with wanting to be friends but not wanting to rush it. since the break up i have been devoting a lot of time to myself, something i in a lot of ways neglected when we were together. i really feel i am learning A LOT about myself, and its weird but i am not interested in finding someone else at all at the moment. life really is pretty ....ing good at the moment
Not entirely. She made it pretty clear that in the immediate future, she isn't committing to anything. Can't say I blame her with all these people hanging on her shoulder and whatnot, but it's not like where you go on a date and the girl likes you and wants to move forward. With her it's more of a, meh whatever happens will happen thing. So I just gotta be cool on a scale of 3,000 megafonzies and let things happen on their own. In the meantime, I'll just keep taking her out to things like movies, drinks, good food, etc. I've been friends with her for years, so if all else fails, I got to spend time with a good friend instead of sitting at home like a forever alone meme. I basically feel that I win either way, so it's w/e.

Here's some of my playing. Hear it in all it's "trv kvlt" production values...
https://soundcloud.com/shadowraithmetal

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"If nothing in the world can change our children will inherit nothing" - lyrics in Nevermore - Born
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