SS Love and Relationships Thread

[Jason]

Originally Posted by cycloptopus

It might work out terribly man. I can't help how I feel and I may wind up all messed up, but it won't be worse than how I've felt for the last 5 months.

As far as what she said when we broke up, it's been on and off for the last 5 months. So we've gone on this ride a couple of times already. She wants to erase me from her memory and have a nice life. I doubt we'll ever be freinds again and that hurts the most

Can you blame her? You have been an ass for the past few months you said.

Also PLEASE its FRIENDS not FREINDS

[avenger]

Yeah I am back for the updates.

So far I have been doing pretty good as single. Actually I have been loving it! I of course miss being with my ex but its what she wanted so if she is happy all the power to her... right?

A little back story here. We are going to maiden this saturday. My buddy, the ex, and I. It was a little awkward at first as I expected it to be and there was some odd tension when on the train ride there ex was ont he phone texting some guy she "had taken a liking to" the whole time. I called her out on it and told her I didn't care if she liked some guy or whatever but I thought it was rude not being part of the group.

Anyhow show starts we are drinking things are going alot better. We share a few hugs after awesome songs, dance and jig during dance of death and had a great time.

Leaving I start talking to some attractive ladies they hang out with me as I walked up ahead abit to begin conversation with them. So I end up getting the numbers and all that jazz. The ex gets PISSED. I tell her she is being stupid because A) I am single (her plan) and B) she did the same thing the whole trian ride there. So she said she was really sorry abit later about the whole thing and told me I was right. Win.

We get back to my place and crash. In the morning I am kinda cuddling her abit in bed and end up feeling her up abit (alot) and she seemed to enjoy this interaction. Then she got all pissy and left. lol. I kinda felt bad because we are just friends so we talked and set some better lines. Cool.

Last night she calls me and I know something is up but she wont tell me when I ask her. So I drag it on until she tells me "that guy asked me out and I said yes". I am like okay? Then the floodgates open. She starts going on about how she is sorry and misses me and doesnt know if she made the right desicion and is sorry for even telling me about this date and shit. So I tell her look this is what you wanted, YOU said you wanted to be single to find some validation within yourself or something. I tell her I dont care if she dates this guy but also tell her that maybe she should find what she was looking for before she runs into another relationship because if she doesnt the same shit is going to happen over and over again.

Then I told her I refused to play anysort of up and down game with her and I would not let her try to make me jealous because it was unfair to myself. (grows balls)

So she wanted to hang out this weekend and I told her I was free Saturday and woudl do soemthing if she wanted (strictly as friends). I decided lets go to the beach... mmmmm womens at the beach.

SO pretty much everyday im hustlin... and I have no clue what this girl wants but I told her I refused to play games with her. Am I doing the right thing? It feels pretty damn good apart from missing one of my best friends at times (her).

[cycloptopus]

Alright man you made your point, I'm an asshole, I get it.

Originally Posted by Jason

having sex with a women

Oh and it's a "woman"...

[Necris]

As blunt as Jason is being he is absolutely right. I'm sorry it turned out this way for you, but it's no surprise that it did.

[auxioluck]

All I'm going to say is that, granted I didn't wait as long, I've ended a relationship for the same reason, and ended up finding someone better next time. It's still difficult. I'm sorry you're having to go through it, the confusion is never an easy thing, especially when you care so much about the person.

At this point, don't dwell on it, because it sounds like she isn't. Just take some time to really figure out where your head is at with everything before seriously looking for another relationship.

[auxioluck]

I say win. You have to live your life for you man. She obviously wasn't upset when she had the control. Now that she doesn't and you're chatting up other girls, she's "realized" her mistake.

Good call on not playing games. If you really are what she wants, let her prove it to YOU.

[Peekaboo_eeeeek]

Deffo good call.

Girls have an irritating way of deciding they want something as soon as they realise they can't have it anymore...lol. And that applies to shoes, clothes, dinner, jewellery & men...EVERYTHING really (yes I generalise, but I'm a girl!! Besides...it's true...)

As long as you don't: A) give in to her any time soon - try to go right back to the start - hang out as friends first,feel each other out again, and THEN if you both want it, try relationship type crap.
B) Do NOT fall into the ....-buddy trap. Because once you get pulled into that one, there is no hope of EITHER a good, healthy relationship OR a decent friendship.
C) Don't fall for any waterworks either. That's a girl's Ace. Can't get your own way + cry = guy doing whatever you want/ WIN.

[avenger]

Originally Posted by Peekaboo_eeeeek

Deffo good call.

Girls have an irritating way of deciding they want something as soon as they realise they can't have it anymore...lol. And that applies to shoes, clothes, dinner, jewellery & men...EVERYTHING really (yes I generalise, but I'm a girl!! Besides...it's true...)

As long as you don't: A) give in to her any time soon - try to go right back to the start - hang out as friends first,feel each other out again, and THEN if you both want it, try relationship type crap.
B) Do NOT fall into the ....-buddy trap. Because once you get pulled into that one, there is no hope of EITHER a good, healthy relationship OR a decent friendship.
C) Don't fall for any waterworks either. That's a girl's Ace. Can't get your own way + cry = guy doing whatever you want/ WIN.

Yeah the waterworks I have seen so many times I just wait it out until we can actually talk. I do not want to be .... buddies for sure. Not really my style, lame and all, I like the relationship.

[leftyguitarjoe]

You can stay with her without getting married.

I'm never getting married.

[glassmoon0fo]

k guys, i have a pretty legit issue that i would appreciate some "expert" advice on haha.

so, my girlfriend of five years is pretty awesome. i mean, you couldnt ask for more from a girlfriend, she is completely supportive of all my endevors, gets along great with my fam, cooks and cleans out of habit (she is Susie Homemaker herself, i swear), and in general is a goofball. we've had some great times together, which goes without saying because otherwise i wouldnt have stayed with her for so long. but here is my issue....

i started dating this girl my freshman year of college, when i should have been getting all the wild and crazy shit out of my system. I never would have thought that we'd have made it this long when i started out, but i got really attached and so did she. anyway, i dated her all throughout college and now that we've graduated and moved in together, im starting to really feel that maybe ive made a mistake. the problem is, she no longer intellectually stimulates me anymore...we dont have interesting conversations and she has nothing to say to me that i didnt know was going to come out of her mouth before she did. she lives and dies for me, and because of it she has no other friends (doesnt have the best of times with my friends either), has no hobbies of her own, and in general is pretty boring to me now. on top of that, i go to the gym all the time to stay looking good, and she eats twice as much as i do and NEVER makes an attempt to stay in any kind of shape, and thus im not really feeling how she's going to look in a few short years. couple that with the fact that sex is almost routine, and you have me looking for a way out.

now, i LOVE this girl, and i dont want to hurt her, but im just not so sure that i cant do better. i mean, i could do without the cooking and cleaning if it meant i could find someone who could match wits with me every now and then.

guys, the point is, im not sure why im feeling this way, if its normal, or if i already know what i have to do and just dont want to go through with it. if anyone has any experience with this kind of thing it'd be most appreciated to float me some words of wisdom.

[Randy]

Two year anniversary for Amanda and I. Relevant because we met eachother on here.

[Cabinet]

Originally Posted by Randy

Two year anniversary for Amanda and I. Relevant because we met eachother on here.

Lucky
I haven't met a girl that takes guitar very seriously, hell I haven't met one with a personality I can tolerate, let alone fall in love with. But I just graduated from high school so I'm hoping the general attitudes of girls will change.

[Peekaboo_eeeeek]

Originally Posted by glassmoon0fo

k guys, i have a pretty legit issue that i would appreciate some "expert" advice on haha.

so, my girlfriend of five years is pretty awesome. i mean, you couldnt ask for more from a girlfriend, she is completely supportive of all my endevors, gets along great with my fam, cooks and cleans out of habit (she is Susie Homemaker herself, i swear), and in general is a goofball. we've had some great times together, which goes without saying because otherwise i wouldnt have stayed with her for so long. but here is my issue....

i started dating this girl my freshman year of college, when i should have been getting all the wild and crazy shit out of my system. I never would have thought that we'd have made it this long when i started out, but i got really attached and so did she. anyway, i dated her all throughout college and now that we've graduated and moved in together, im starting to really feel that maybe ive made a mistake. the problem is, she no longer intellectually stimulates me anymore...we dont have interesting conversations and she has nothing to say to me that i didnt know was going to come out of her mouth before she did. she lives and dies for me, and because of it she has no other friends (doesnt have the best of times with my friends either), has no hobbies of her own, and in general is pretty boring to me now. on top of that, i go to the gym all the time to stay looking good, and she eats twice as much as i do and NEVER makes an attempt to stay in any kind of shape, and thus im not really feeling how she's going to look in a few short years. couple that with the fact that sex is almost routine, and you have me looking for a way out.

now, i LOVE this girl, and i dont want to hurt her, but im just not so sure that i cant do better. i mean, i could do without the cooking and cleaning if it meant i could find someone who could match wits with me every now and then.

guys, the point is, im not sure why im feeling this way, if its normal, or if i already know what i have to do and just dont want to go through with it. if anyone has any experience with this kind of thing it'd be most appreciated to float me some words of wisdom.

Hey hun/dude. I feel your pain - from bothes sides of the story lol.
I hate to tell you this, coz from the look fo your pst, you already know it but don't have the guts to do it - but the answer is really simple: TALK TO HER ABOUT IT!!!!

What is the good in coming on here to moan about it & ask for advice, when you have made no attempt to talk to her about any of the way you're feeling?! COz having had a bf of 5 YEARS - there is nothing worse than a guy who hass issues with the relationship but won't say anything about it!

You can hardly think things will just "magically" get better if you stay silent, play pretend that you're still deeply into her...because I assure you NO-ONE is strong enough to go on with a relationship like that & not go wandering. And that does no-one any good at all.
...Also...don't try to talk yourself out of going to talk to her by thinking "I don't want to hurt her", coz what's worse:
A) be honest, tell her your concerns - worst comes to worst, it doesn't work out still but she respects you for being honest.... or B) Pretend that everything is ok, talk yourself into finding her appealing still, end up cracking & chasing someone else, you break up and to her & everyone who knows you both, you come out looking like the superficial douchebag who cheats...???

I'm not saying she won't be upset - even if she doesn't show it, she will be. Coz us chicks are kinda delicate when it comes to looks (whether they admit it or not tis true) - and hearing the words "I'm not into the way you look now" hurts like hell. But after the initial shock, she will either wanna continue the talk a little bit, so prepare to be really open & honest - maybe even offer to do less threatening exercise with her (like swimming/bike-riding together - just you 2)/ or she will silently create a plan in her head... or she will feel overwhelmed & not want to be with you anymore. The latter will prob only happen though if she is more confident with herself more now than when you met.

So....go do that, and then let us know

[glassmoon0fo]

^ great post. i know exactly what you mean, and I have talked to her about the exercise thing and i always approach it with tact. to me, tact is ....ing paramount in this kind of conversation, but how the hell do you tell a girl that you arent intellectually attracted to her, and the physical attraction is starting to slip too, when she lives with you and is planning on building a life with you? i agree %100 that its best to let her know before we both end up in an unfavorable situation, i just dont know how to come at her about it.

[Randy]

Originally Posted by Cabinet

Lucky
I haven't met a girl that takes guitar very seriously, hell I haven't met one with a personality I can tolerate, let alone fall in love with. But I just graduated from high school so I'm hoping the general attitudes of girls will change.

I appreciate your words, kind sir.

Things definitely get easier outside of high school, although, some people (women included) just use college as an extension of high school and thus... an excuse to continue being immature. I'll say this... it sounds corny but it's true; the right kinda women are out there and patience will pay off.

It stands to reason that I met the girl of my dreams on a forum about sevenstring guitars. Keep your eyes open in settings that appeal to you and you'll meet like minded chicks.

[matty2fatty]

I was in the very same boat, it was about 6 years or so. I broke it off cause I wasn't feeling it anymore for a few reasons.

It sucked for a bit, but it was definitely the best decision I've made. And, in my experience you can't be friends, just doesn't work.

[Daemoniac]

Originally Posted by Randy

Two year anniversary for Amanda and I. Relevant because we met eachother on here.

Congrats Me and Ash have our 6 year anniversary on New Years eve this year

[Razorgrin]

Originally Posted by leftyguitarjoe

You can stay with her without getting married.

She may not agree with you.

[leandroab]

Originally Posted by cycloptopus

Oh and it's a "woman"...

TING!

[Randy]

Thank you very much, and congrats! She should be given a medal for putting up with you that long.

[Daemoniac]

I'm slowly but surely nerdifying her. I'm planning on showing her how to play 40k this weekend

[Peekaboo_eeeeek]

Originally Posted by glassmoon0fo

^ great post. i know exactly what you mean, and I have talked to her about the exercise thing and i always approach it with tact. to me, tact is ....ing paramount in this kind of conversation, but how the hell do you tell a girl that you arent intellectually attracted to her, and the physical attraction is starting to slip too, when she lives with you and is planning on building a life with you? i agree %100 that its best to let her know before we both end up in an unfavorable situation, i just dont know how to come at her about it.

LoL...there ISN'T an easy way of telling her. That's my point. She's going to feel hurt regardlessof how much you cherry coat it, because let's face it - no-one likes to be told someone doesn't find them attractive. But if you sit her down, let her know you want to tell her about some things that have been weighing on your mind, and quietly just talk through what you feel, she will at least respect the fact you've been honest about it...and I think that that is the best you can really hope for.

I have to ask though - if you're not attracted to her intellectually, why were you with her so long to begin with? I mean, someone doesn't just suddenly become less interesting over night - you must have found something about her that appealed to you to begin with, otherwise you wouldn't have stayed with her for - 2 years was it?? OR you never found her intellectually interesting, you just thought she was hot, dated for no other reason, and it all got carried away & before you knew it you were stuck in a 2 year relationship with someone you're not actually that into, and now you wish you'd done things differently. (And I say that having been stuck in a 5year relationship with a guy who had the brain capacity of a brick ...[and that's insulting to the brick]...and ended up regretting it)

Either way - you quite simply need to suck it up & tell her. Yes, tact IS important - but only to an extent. It's more important to actually get across that this is an ISSUE and not something you wanna bring up just so nothing gets done about it.

[Tiger]

We are highly compatible, except we have a very hard time sleeping in the same bed together. : /

Im the worlds lightest sleeper and its very hard for me to fall asleep, she moves around a lot and hardly sleeps any anyway. But sometimes we do something magical and we sleep like rocks all night, but we havent been able to figure out what the trick is.

[Daggorath]

I'm very lucky to have a girl that understands me and stimulates me. She's definitely a positive influence on me; sometimes I need a kick to actually do something. Been with her for fair time now, and been living together for almost a year now. Yeah she annoys me at times, and I'm sure I annoy her - but that doesn't make the relationship any less awesome. We both help each other at times when we really need someone to push us forward.

I am yet to meet a girl with the amount of wit and intelligence as her. She's a classically trained musician from a working class background, and she's anything but snobbish/elitist about it. She originally got me into Meshuggah in a big way xD

[Peekaboo_eeeeek]

Originally Posted by Tiger

We are highly compatible, except we have a very hard time sleeping in the same bed together. : /

Im the worlds lightest sleeper and its very hard for me to fall asleep, she moves around a lot and hardly sleeps any anyway. But sometimes we do something magical and we sleep like rocks all night, but we havent been able to figure out what the trick is.

Haha!! Sounds just like my bf and I (I have woken up many times to find him either back through in the front room coz he couldn't sleep,or still in bed but with ALL the covers bundled around him & his knees up in the air)

Only advice I can think of is maybe incense/scented candles that could help you fall asleep easier. But mainly you just need to ride it out - eventually you'll get used to each other's sleeping pattern/arrangement and YOU will become less of a light sleeper, and SHE will prob stop fidgeting as much.

If all else fails....twin bed!! :grin: