SS Love and Relationships Thread

[Sicarius]

Originally Posted by Fiction

Hello, Mr. Pessimistic Sarcasm Man! I'm Mr Optimistic Greeting Man!

My arch-nemesis...

[leandroab]

Originally Posted by Sicarius

And then your life will get sucked back into Minecraft.

Dedicating my spare hours to construct the spam wall.

[soliloquy]

prolly no one is gonna wanna answer this...but...well...
after being with my girl for 4 years (active for 3 and a half, sexually active for a year...i'm VERY old fashioned...) i'm still failing at providing her with any sort of orgasm of any sort...

and i know its not me as whatever i've been doing, i've told my friends who were in a similar situation as me, and it helped them tenfolds...and yet here i am.

no drugs, no anti-depresents, a healthy weight....what the ....?

and now i'm learning something called 'grinding the corn' from six feet under...i sure hope it helps.

kind of feel guilty as its really not fair to her, but what am i supposed to do

[Randy]

I know a girl who never had an orgasm, so it does happen.

Is she able to do it herself or just can't at all? It's most definitely not your fault because the way human sexuality works NOT orgasming for a long period of time makes it so even the smallest bit of stimulation would make it happen. In that case, you could practically make it happen by accident.

So, something else is up but I'm not enough of an expert in psychology/anatomy/sexuality to tell you what that something is.

EDIT: Oh, and with regard to feeling guilty, don't beat yourself up too much. You care and you're understanding enough to try. That's a lot more than can be said for most guys.

[HaMMerHeD]

About 12 years ago, I dated a girl who had never had an orgasm before. After several months, I was finally able to git'r'done, and then she started having them all the time. I was pretty proud of myself at first, but it really had nothing to do with me. It was a matter of trust. She had never had an orgasm because she had never been able to relax enough in the presence of her previous BFs, because she didn't trust them. To be fair, every one of them that I knew about were abusive in some way. So after several months of being with me, and me not being that way, and actually treating her kindly and with respect, she loosened up enough that she was able to have an orgasm. Shortly after that, she was an orgasm machine gun.

I have dated a few women since then who had problems climaxing, and my experience was that it was a trust issue 100% of the time.

Now I've had an ugly divorce and string of really bad relationships, and guess who's having trust issues, and having a very difficult time relaxing around women, and who's not able to have an orgasm....

[soliloquy]

@ randy: what HaMMerHeD (difficult name dude! :P) said is what is freaking me out.
before me she was in another long relationship(her first), but doesn't really count as they were just kids. he cheated on her as she wouldn't put out, thus they break up.

enter me. complete opposite of the guy. i have treated her with nothing but respect, love and literally everything i have just to keep her happy. and she really is happy around me. however, i dont know if shes 'complete' with me.

shes never relaxed enough. i mean, we have been together for 4 years, out of which, she actually never have slept (literally, as in with ZzZzZzZ...) in the same bed as me. why? i dont know...nor do i know what shes holding back...

i just dont want her feeling left out when her friends are talking about and she has nothing to give into that conversation. often times they side track her coz of that as well.

[Bekanor]

Pretty sure this chick I've been pursuing is a head case.

Hot and cold all the damn time, one minute she's sending me dirty texts about what she's doing to herself, the next she's acting like a 14 year old air head.

It's probably my fault for going after a 20 year old and not someone closer to my own age.

I think I might take a hiatus from chasing women until I lose 20kg, I'm presuming it then won't be such an uphill ....ing battle to make someone interested.

[EtherealEntity]

Originally Posted by leandroab

Girl I'm dating is going to have a 7am-22pm studying regime this year. FML

I think a lot of us here are pretty jealous, I know I am 7am-22pm shredding regime!

[Metal_Webb]

Originally Posted by soliloquy

@ randy: what HaMMerHeD (difficult name dude! :P) said is what is freaking me out.
before me she was in another long relationship(her first), but doesn't really count as they were just kids. he cheated on her as she wouldn't put out, thus they break up.

enter me. complete opposite of the guy. i have treated her with nothing but respect, love and literally everything i have just to keep her happy. and she really is happy around me. however, i dont know if shes 'complete' with me.

shes never relaxed enough. i mean, we have been together for 4 years, out of which, she actually never have slept (literally, as in with ZzZzZzZ...) in the same bed as me. why? i dont know...nor do i know what shes holding back...

Try getting a copy of Ian Kerner's "She Comes First The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman". It has a lot of useful suggestions for technique and concentrates heavily on cunnilingus, also offers advice with mental/emotional side to the situation.

Note: Not affiliated with Mr Kerner, it's just a useful source.

[LamaSabachthani]

Originally Posted by soliloquy

shes never relaxed enough. i mean, we have been together for 4 years, out of which, she actually never have slept (literally, as in with ZzZzZzZ...) in the same bed as me. why? i dont know...nor do i know what shes holding back...

I think that might be part of your problem to be honest. I think the female orgasm is completely different from that of the male in that, as we all know, pretty much anything will get the job done for us; for them however there is much more to it than simple physical stimulation. It seems to be as much linked to the way they feel, in terms of how aroused or sexual they are feeling, as it is to actual physical sensation. I think it will be or must be very difficult to give her orgasms if the only time you are both physically intimate is when you are having sex. Are you normally a very physical couple? Do you often discuss or voice your sexual feelings about each other? I have always been a fairly sexual person (in private ... I find these things are unbecoming to discuss in public, but since we're all SS.org brothers ) and have found that, in my experience - and admittedly, my experience might be a bit odd since I go for a very specific type of girl - the anticipation and the 'mental' element of the sexual relationship is just as important as the actual physical act. I have always been able with relative ease to get girls to send me dirty pictures and such and get them into long, running conversations of pure smut, but I don't think that is because I have some sort of special knowledge, but simply because I approach the subject tastefully. Women are human beings as well after all - we all crave sexuality, sexual pleasure, and physical intimacy. You just have to get her to open up a bit while approaching the subject with care and consideration ... all women want to have body-rocking sex with the man that they have chosen as their partner, but not all are able to because of the lies and bullshit we have been spoon-fed about sexuality in our media and films.

I know not all women are quite so sexually open, or that they feel like their feelings and desires are a bit repressed by the society in which they reside, but I really do think the mental element and communicating with each other about your sexuality and sex is extremely important to cultivating a healthy and fulfilling sex life. I suggest that before you think that you are doing anything wrong, or that you try a new technique in bed, perhaps you broach the subject with her and just have a talk about it. In my experience, there is not really so much in the way of 'techniques' that guarantee an orgasm, but you can make the job infinitely more simple and easy to accomplish if she is very sexually aroused before you even take your clothes off or take her lingerie off. The build-up is the key man, as is the foreplay.

Anyhow, I know this all sounds awkward and a bit counter-intuitive, but the impression I have got through my experiences is that the most fulfilling sexual activity is that between two partners who want each other desperately, and not just some moronic, vacuous physical act. Take time and take care. I can almost guarantee you that its probably not your 'fault' in the sense you might think. The only other thing I would recommend would be to engage in much foreplay, and to pay attention to putting pressure upon the clitoris without necessarily touching it directly (as it can apparently be quite sensitive), or to do so but very seldom.

Best of luck, and I hope you find enjoyment in your bed with the woman that you feel for

[Cabinet]

Went to my local convenience store to pick up a 6 pack of beer for last night. Met the most adorable cashier girl there. Only problem was she was speaking to me in German and I didn't pick up lots of what she said or asked, and when I should have told her I'm not from Germany and my German is bad, I just shyed away and nodded. I bet if I told her I don't understand what she just said I might have been able to carry on a conversation but nope!
.....

[leandroab]

Originally Posted by EtherealEntity

I think a lot of us here are pretty jealous, I know I am 7am-22pm shredding regime!

Dude, no. Her mom wan't her studying saturday and sunday as well... That means I'm seeing her once a month. IF...

It sucks a lot. I do remember my senior year in highschool. It IS hard work, I studied from 7am to 8pm daily. But dude, if I touched a book during the weekends my mind would shit all over it and laugh. People HAVE to have a time off. At least ONE or TWO days of relaxation, socialization, happy thoughts etc. Or else shit won't sink in during the week days and your studying WILL, I repeat, WILL be compromised. I speak from experience. But unfortunately her mom doesn't seem to think that apparently. Once I get back to Rio I'll see how things goes. In the mean time I would like som input on this...

Originally Posted by Cabinet

Went to my local convenience store to pick up a 6 pack of beer for last night. Met the most adorable cashier girl there. Only problem was she was speaking to me in German and I didn't pick up lots of what she said or asked, and when I should have told her I'm not from Germany and my German is bad, I just shyed away and nodded. I bet if I told her I don't understand what she just said I might have been able to carry on a conversation but nope!
.....

Go back there and rehearse the phrase "do you have a boyfriend? I think you're cute" while blatantly looking at a piece of paper. If she doesn't laugh (and obviously say "no I don't" after) you're boss. If it doesn't work, just never go there anymore

It's a win-win situation!

[Ibanezsam4]

Originally Posted by leandroab

Go back there and rehearse the phrase "do you have a boyfriend? I think you're cute" while blatantly looking at a piece of paper. If she doesn't laugh (and obviously say "no I don't" after) you're boss. If it doesn't work, just never go there anymore

It's a win-win situation!

this is arguably the best idea i have ever read

[Cabinet]

Dude I don't want to .... up my chances that quickly

[Furtive Glance]

"Ich bin eine geil hund". You're set!

[Cabinet]

"Meine Eier sind grosser als deiner."
Solid.

[ghstofperdition]

So I have some awesome valentine's day plans for my bf and I. Lunch at the Olive Garden, shopping at the mall, then back to my place for some quality time. Me gusta.

Whatcha guys got planned for your significant other today?

[Fiction]

Plans?

Microwave dinner for one.

Foreveralone.jpg

[BucketheadRules]

Here's to being single and embittered on Valentine's Day!

[Varcolac]

Making dinner together. Burgers ov d00m. High-quality mince, grated cheese, onion, garlic, a touch of chilli, grill to perfection. Back in university we used to do this together all the time, but since we've been living together, not so much.

Then drink some wine, eat the burgers, watch something sappy on Lovefilm.

And rage together at the mystical moon-goddess that brings the blood.

[Konfyouzd]

Originally Posted by Cabinet

Dude I don't want to .... up my chances that quickly

Women don't care if you look stupid as long as their friends aren't around and it's "cute."

[Konfyouzd]

Originally Posted by BucketheadRules

Here's to being single and embittered on Valentine's Day!

It's my dog's bday and I just got a new bass. I'm happy. .... the haters.

[Church2224]

Originally Posted by Konfyouzd

It's my dog's bday and I just got a new bass. I'm happy. .... the haters.

Exactly. I got school, a new guitar and plenty of other crap I have to do. Time to not worry about his holiday.

Happy Single's Awareness Day everyone!

[Asrial]

Valentine is pretty much non-existand where I live.
Not that it matters anyway.

Got myself a porter and a new Wii game.

[leandroab]

My significant other is 600Km away. So whatevs...

Getting 2 wisdom teeth extracted today. ....ing shit