SS Love and Relationships Thread

[Sicarius]

Yeah, walking away is the best move.

I tried to help my ex, to show her that her friends weren't really worth it all, and she would allow herself to get into situations she couldn't get out of. But she saw it as being controlling, and that why she never spoke to me again.

Funnier thing: She and I were on a paintball forum together, and we both participated in an Atheism thread. While I was playing a game she and a friend of mine got into it, and she blamed me for the whole thing. When I left the game and went back to see the thread, a lot of shit was missing and I still don't know what happened, except that my friend stood up for me and bitched her the .... out for being a bitch and a 1/2. She could never except that's what friends do for each other, and she probably still thinks that I was somehow telling him what to say.

In life there are going to be real, obvious flags that shit needs to end and you HAVE to walk away. I had about 15 with that girl, and never paid attention to them because I wanted to be the superhero, and it's just not worth it.

....in' love hindsight.

[Konfyouzd]

Originally Posted by Sicarius

I tried to help my ex, to show her that her friends weren't really worth it all, and she would allow herself to get into situations she couldn't get out of. But she saw it as being controlling, and that why she never spoke to me again.

If I may play devil's advocate for one second:

Despite your intentions, can you not see how one "might" see what you've described as controlling? No one ever wants to be told they shouldn't hang out w/ someone if that's what they're currently content with doing. That's shit your parents do, ya know?

Further, the girl seemed to be a bit naive to a lot of things anyway. Seems there was quite the maturity gap based on your version of the story. Calling you controlling may simply have been a cop out.

I've noticed that a lot of women my age seem to be going off the wall with this "independent woman" nonesense. They seem to take that to mean that if you have a job you can do whatever you want.

But a lot of my female friends will get into stupid situations be it financial, social, whatever... And when I ask, "Well why wouldn't you just...?" And immediately they seem turned off by the idea as if I'm trying to control their lives. Either that or maybe the fact that I came up with a simple solution so quickly makes them feel stupid so they just say anything to end the convo.

[Sicarius]

I see how it was now, but at the time I was too hurt I guess.

DUDE I know what you mean. It's like they're either jaded to the idea of being in a relationship, or they want to party it out since they didn't get enough in college.

[Konfyouzd]

This is why I'm going after the older ones, but they don't seem to be any better some of the time. I was talking to my dad about this and I guess he thinks I'm struggling to find a woman or something (haven't had a gf since like 2004... I think...?) and he told me that once they hit 28 they become incredibly desperate if they're not in a committed relationship. (Epic parental advice is epic.)

I think I'm seeing that earlier than 28, though. A lot of the chicks I know are maybe 23 at the most. There's much life to be lived at that point in your life and they're talking about "I just wanna find someone I can spend my life with."

Right, but you don't even so much as have your own apartment.

Also, having a significant other for some is the same as having an iPhone for some. It's just something to say you have bc it seems like everyone who's anybody has it.

I prefer peace of mind over bragging rights.

[Sicarius]

Same.

At this point, I get so turned off by women my own age, I've just kind of stopped looking or even trying. I've got to get my shit together first, anyway. Credit Cards, student loans, and finding my own place are top priorities.

I've always liked girls that were younger than me, for the simple reason state above with chicks my own age.

Like 23-24 is a good age, especially if you can start something with them before they've reached that ".... relationships, .... men" stage. and even 24 is pushing it for a lot of the girls here.

Doesn't help I'm not attracted to big girls, who seem to be the only ones attracted to me.. (I'm a skinny person trapped in a fat)

[Konfyouzd]

I like all shapes and sizes... I just don't see their heads in the right place.

I've been out of my parents house for as long as I could afford to support myself. And I may not have fully been able to do so in the beginning, but I made it work.

I recently bought a house and I think about things now like:

-At what point am I going to try to refinance this thing so I can stop paying PMI?
-I wonder what it'd look like if I extended the deck and added a patio...?
-What's my tax return going to look like now?

Most women my age think about:

-I wonder why that guy I met at the bar hasn't called yet.
-I wonder what time we're hittin the bar tonight.
-I need another $300 pair of boots bc looking cute > eating.

And it just seems like most ppl my age are stuck in the "let's party bc college wasn't enough," phase like you said.

My mind set is more along the lines of: "Let's work as hard as possible for now so that I don't have to later in life when I may or may not be able."

So that, coupled with the large amount of responsiblity I've chosen to take on (with respect to most of my friends who haven't even moved out of their parents' houses yet) makes it difficult for me to choose a woman to be with from what's currently in front of me. They simply don't view things the same bc life for most folks my age is all play and minimal work.

I've also grown to enjoy being alone to an extent. The gravity of "dying alone" clearly hasn't sunk in yet.

Long story short, I just notice a severe lack of drive in a lot of folks in my age group. Or perhaps I'm just too damn serious...

[Sicarius]

Yeah, I take things a little less seriously, but being 25 and living at home has definitely left it's mark. It's so embarrassing, but until I can get promoted to full time, or find another weekend job that isn't working for Retail, there's not much I can do with a set schedule, and max of 19.5 hours to work at school.

At least I get a staff parking pass out of it.

I decided to give Ok Cupid a 3rd try, and lately I've been getting matches that are vegetarian hipsters, and it's really disparaging. I'm all for living healthy, but you can tell a lot of them are faking

[Konfyouzd]

At least you're trying. I don't even see that much in my peers. I think I just need new friends.

By the way I'm only 26 and I think a lot of my situation was just me getting lucky.

Also, I feel like to an extent until you really know someone they're ALWAYS kinda faking something. Projecting who you want to be (or who you want people to think you are) seems far more important to some ppl than being onself; I notice this more and more as I get older. The internet seems to facilitate this kind of behavior.

I never really looked into internet dating. I'm on a few sites that facilitate such a thing, but I hardly ever look to PM any of the ladies or meet up with them. I like to read the convos in the discussion forums so I can understand what might be going through women's heads when logic doesn't lead me to a proper answer.

I would probably be a far less serious person if I had a gf and/or went out to get laid more frequently, but to be honest I think I may not have gotten as far as I have--at least not by this point--had I let such a thing rank higher on my list of priorities w/o being rich and/or famous... But who knows...?

[Sicarius]

So, foreveralone.jpg is my life

and the disregardfemales/aquirecurrency.jpg is yours.

Ah, attaching memes to lives explains everything.

[Konfyouzd]

Hahahaha... Yes indeed.

I think I listened to too much Tupac as a child.

"M.O.B, mang!"

[ghstofperdition]

I'm still trying to find a suitable meme that represents my 'get laid, get paid' attitude and doesn't have anything with the porn industry.

Truthfully, I'm a crazy bitch with more bad issues than guitar world.

[Konfyouzd]

^Awesome

[ghstofperdition]

Not really. I'd rather have my head on straight. The good news is that I'm getting there. Hopefully when I get all my sexuality and gender issues sorted out, it'll lead to a calmer and less angry person. Which would translate to more stable relationships in the future.

Inb4 'cool story sis, but it lacks the rich subject of magikarp'


That said, I'm hanging back on doing much with anybody, including my bf, until school starts again and things get a little better.

[Captain Shoggoth]

Originally Posted by Konfyouzd

I recently bought a house and I think about things now like:

-At what point am I going to try to refinance this thing so I can stop paying PMI?
-I wonder what it'd look like if I extended the deck and added a patio...?
-What's my tax return going to look like now?

Dude I totally want to be thinking about that stuff when I'm 26

[ghstofperdition]

I'm 26 and Konfyouzd has me beat. Kudos for having your shit together dude!

[Konfyouzd]

Wouldn't say I got it completely together, but I'm working on it.

[Lukifer]

So last night it became official. My wife moved out and we are filing for divorce. Things just couldnt work between us. I tried to change but I just wasn't willing go be a completely different person to make her happy. She wanted someone I couldn't be. I have baggage, I'm a 2 time Iraq war vet and was diagnosed with PTSD and depression. So it took a big toll on things. We made the agreement mutually so there won't be any fighting over who gets what or court battles. I hope it goes smooth and that she can be happy In life.

[Sicarius]

Sucks man. Hopefully it goes peacefully.

[murakami]

thats very big of you, man. not a lot of people can step away from a divorce saying that.

[Jakke]

I'm sorry man, I hope both of you can find a relation where you can be happier.

[USMarine75]

Better to be happier apart than miserable together...

[Konfyouzd]

Originally Posted by USMarine75

Better to be happier apart than miserable together...

Yea... Like intestinal gas...

[Lukifer]

So far we decided on the money and dividing up our stuff. No lawyers needed and no battles over anything. Think it will be mostly civil but will still hurt and suck. I hope she is happier without me dragging her down.

[The Reverend]

Originally Posted by Lukifer

So far we decided on the money and dividing up our stuff. No lawyers needed and no battles over anything. Think it will be mostly civil but will still hurt and suck. I hope she is happier without me dragging her down.

I don't know you, or know how your marriage worked, but I do know that judging by your previous statements you're a sensible person who's very self-aware. Having said that, if you're currently of the opinion that you are dragging her down due to your baggage, you're not giving yourself enough credit. I'm assuming somewhere in your wedding vows were the words "for better or for worse," and her being unwilling or even unable to accept and deal with what you've got going on inside doesn't live up to those vows.

Don't disparage yourself, brother.

[CrownofWorms]

Just wondering, does having a good friendship with a chick lasts lobger than a bf/gf type relationship?