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Unread 05-16-2011, 11:37 AM   #26
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RGD MIKE View Post
Thanks. I'm 17, and all my relatives are on the other side of the countr. I can't move out
I don't know how it is in your country, but judging from what you wrote you sound like a case for the youth welfare office to me, at least in Germany you'd be. It's just unacceptable that you suffer from violence at home! I'd advice you to talk with a psychologist about your situation, and with the authorities.
If you don't know whom to turn to I guess people on here will know? In the worst case maybe turn to the police as a starting point, they'll send you further.
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Unread 05-16-2011, 12:24 PM   #27
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Hang in there! You're young... it takes time to come to terms with some of the more challenging emotions we go through. You can learn to accept yourself, find solace in the things that resonate with your soul, and reconcile the issues that create dissonance. The world is a ....ed up place, but you can learn to love it... it just takes patience, determination, and an open mind.

As far as eating, one thing that's good is to try to learn to really appreciate what you're eating. Think about what a true privilege it is to have access to all this food. For me there's nothing like getting my hands on good ingredients, preparing the meal myself, and savoring it. Sleeping and exercising too. You can't neglect your body. The more balance you can create in your life the better off you'll be.
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Unread 05-16-2011, 01:42 PM   #28
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How about you move in with a friend? Perhaps one of your bandmates.

And never, ever, ever kill yourself. There is always better to come, you are only 17.

Do you have a job? If you do not, I'd advise getting one. Just a job in a shop or something. You will be able to gain experience and move up the career ladder. Soon you may be earning enough to rent a flat or apartment, and thus get away from your mother. As you move higher up the career ladder, you will be able to buy your own home.
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Unread 05-16-2011, 02:04 PM   #29
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Thanks guys. I don't deal with physical violence in the home anymore, and not for about 3 years. It's just the constant verbal and emotionally abuse now. I am pretty sheltered, as in getting out of the house is tough sometimes. Maybe I will be allowed to do something once a week. I think calling CPS would make it much worse for me. I would have to move away, I'd lose all my friends, my gear, everything. I don't want that. I want find a way to cope with it at home. Things aren't going to change. I know that. But I need something to re kindle my motivations and keep me a live in a world where friends are not what they seem except for a few and your girl friend is going to be 1000 miles away forever a 2 weeks from now.
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Unread 05-16-2011, 02:09 PM   #30
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RGD MIKE View Post
Thanks guys. I don't deal with physical violence in the home anymore, and not for about 3 years. It's just the constant verbal and emotionally abuse now. I am pretty sheltered, as in getting out of the house is tough sometimes. Maybe I will be allowed to do something once a week. I think calling CPS would make it much worse for me. I would have to move away, I'd lose all my friends, my gear, everything. I don't want that. I want find a way to cope with it at home. Things aren't going to change. I know that. But I need something to re kindle my motivations and keep me a live in a world where friends are not what they seem except for a few and your girl friend is going to be 1000 miles away forever a 2 weeks from now.
This may not be the best advice but I would completely disregard your mother's rules and disobey her. If she gives you crap, tell her where to stick it. If she evicts you (which I don't think she can to till you are 18?), go and live with a bandmate. She is the problem. Your depression will get worse if you continue with her. She can't tell you to stay in the house or prevent you from working.

By CPS do you mean Child Protection Society? If so, call them. Get them to give you shelter until you are able to sustain yourself. You are under 18 so I believe you are entitled to housing.
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Unread 05-16-2011, 02:34 PM   #31
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Are you in school at all? If so, most schools offer a lot of counseling services, which you should take advantage of. And not just one visit. Keep talking to someone and build that relationship so you have someone to talk to. A professional will also help you develop coping strategies and ways to keep your head above water.

Anti-depressants can help immensely, but they're NOT RECOMMENDED for teenagers because they can actually make things worse. Counseling is your best option right now, and you should do your best to take as much advantage of it as possible.
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Unread 05-16-2011, 02:47 PM   #32
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Yeah, what Darren said about beig a teenager and meds- they can have the opposite effect, so a psychologist will decide what, if anything, would be safe to take.
Also, be careful with CPS. My experience has been that unless things are ridiculously bad they won't take you away, but will instead write your parents up and tell them the situation, and then you'll be worse off than before you started. So first step is to find out if our school offers some sort of counseling. You can even start with a guidance counselor, but only to figure out how to contact an actual psychologist or psychiatrist.
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Unread 05-16-2011, 03:09 PM   #33
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With both CPS and school counselors you want to be careful... we had a friend who was having some emotional problems so we convinced him to visit the school counselor for a free therapy session just so that he could get some stuff off his chest. I dunno what he said, but they considered him to be a suicide risk, suspended him for the semester, and put him in a psych ward! It seemed to me like they were just taking extreme measures so they could cover their asses in case something did happen to the guy and his parents sued. This is not to say don't see anybody and don't say anything, just be cautious because with some things there's no turning back. I think in general you have to take an active role in figuring this out and dealing with the depression... take whatever help you can get professionally, but don't see that as the be all and end all... some docs just write scrips and others might try to help you figure out what you can change in your life to feel better... so it's up to you to make sure you're getting the most out of it.
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Unread 05-16-2011, 07:49 PM   #34
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thanks guys. i totally agree that CPS would make everything 50x worse. i won't go that route. Thanks for all the help so far..
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Unread 05-18-2011, 03:33 PM   #35
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just want to add to the eat-regualairy-healthy-to-feel-good-argument: Try eating fatty fish, salmon or nuts advacado's for Omega's.

Again: it won't take the problems away,but it will put you're mind sharp/clear, that little bit of strength to cope.

"I love Instrumental screamo" - ;']
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Unread 05-18-2011, 06:27 PM   #36
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Mike, I want to share my personal experiences with you about my severe depression and suicidal thoughts and ideation....

7 years ago, I got to a point where I was in your exact same shoes. My dad and I weren't seeing eye to eye anymore. He told me a few years prior that "maybe once I was his age I'd have my priorities strait"... The following morning, I got up at 12 midnight and walked 2 hours to work in the middle of the winter - snow and all - to get to work. I had other issues I was battling, including my dad's half of the family that despised me ever since I was born and did everything they could to make my life hell. I was at the point where I was going to do something bad to myself, or to the first person that even so much as looked at me the wrong way. It was a time when I knew there was something seriously wrong, and I had started researching what the issues were (depression, Bi-Polar disorder, and other issues I was facing...).

I was hospitalized for a week as I went and talked to friends that cared enough to help me. While in the hospital, I was started on new meds that really worked well for a while. I too had been thru counseling for about a year, and was going thru all kinds of changes with the meds. The main one I was on I was maxed out on (Depakote ER, 2000mg's a day...), in addition to trying to mix other meds with it under my doctor's orders (Seroquel, Abilify...). The Seroquel was very bad as it made me fall asleep shortly after taking it. I found out the hard way after taking it and then going for a ride to the store down the street for a drink and starting to pass out behind the wheel driving... The Abilify did absolutely nothing at all. I went back to the doctor and told him that I was still feeling bad and needed help. At this point he told me that I should go to the psychiatric hospital (the one that refused me every time I tried to get help from them...) and undergo the 2 hour psychiatric evaluation, and he wanted me to start on the hard-core anti-psychotic meds like Haldol. This was my deciding factor to quit the meds as they did nothing but make me worse. it was also the day that Slipknot had just released "All Hope Is Gone" - August 26th, 2008. So after getting back into the new Slipknot stuff, it especially helped me to get out of the whole "psychiatry" trap of meds and wasted time and money of knowing more about what was wrong with me than they could even begin to understand. That was when I decided to just get back full force into my music to get me thru anything bad and horrific in my life. Not only taht, but the week's stay in the hospital cost me over $15K, which I could have used to re-build my hot-rod - a rare 1992 GMC Typhoon, #1820 out of the 2500 made in '92. Yes, pissed off very much I was because of that...

In my final session of counceling, one of the best things that's ever happened to me and also a tragedy occurred while I was inside. My dad had died in his car while waiting for me to come out due to either a heart attack or a stroke (high blood pressure related). What makes it even more ....ed up was that he died on my birthday 5 years ago. So while his death was a shock, it was also a blessing as my main source of stress in my life was gone. I had met up with someone in NJ that I've been really close to and have started to make plans to get out of RI for once and for all finally. I had lost my job the day before thanksgiving in '08 and had been out of work for 2 years. Besides the unemployment money I was getting, the extra cash I made was from hauling and cashing in scrap metal (which pays really good might I add, as the price of metal went back up again!!!). In January of 2010, I decided to inquire about going back to school for heavy equipment operator through the Dept. of Labor. By mid July, I finally got the approval to go, and I had already made plans with my friend here in NJ to come and live with him. So I went home and started packing everything that was coming with me - my 3 guitars at the time was included in that stuff. It was finally my chance that I had been waiting for for more than 20 years to get away from all the people that were causing me nothing but problems in my life and that hated me with a passion of the Christ.

So not to sound like a dick about it - because I'm really not trying to come across as one, I'm speaking the truth about this man... Seeing a counselor is great, and it's the first sign of getting help. The toughest part is realizing the problem and getting help for it which you did. Next thing you really need to do is get out of that house and away from your mother. It sounds to me like your mother is the source of all your problems and you NEED to get away from her before something bad happens to either you or her. You won't know how much better you'll feel until you get away from what's keeping you down and causing your problems. If you love your guitar and your gear and your music, then make it work for you. For me I love playing my guitars or the drums and grinding the .... out of my strings and getting my aggressions out on my guitars. If it weren't for my music, I wouldn't be typing this out for you to read and help you.

As for getting out and finding somewhere else to go, start talking to your friends, those who you are really good with and will stick by you no matter what. You are in a really bad spot right now and you need to act before things get worse. Someone will be willing to let you stay with them. If not, then talk to your counselor and tell her that you seriously need to get out of that house with your mother before things get worse. And I agree about getting a job also, getting a job and getting money in your pocket is yet another step to buying your freedom and your sanity remaining in tact. If you need to, ask your doctor or counselor to give you some meds to help take some of the pressure off. They didn't work well for me, but there's plenty of people who they do work for though. If your taking them and feel yourself getting worse, get back to the hospital or your doctor right away and tell them.

Eating right and sleeping at least 6 hours a day is very important also. If you don't eat and sleep right, your only doing more harm to your body and making the depression worse. Same goes for doing nothing but staying in the house all the time too... get out and start looking for a job and a new place to go... But since you got your guitar(s) and gear and friends to jam with, seriously start using that to get the bullshit out of your life.

In the meantime, be true to yourself, and stay close to friends who really care for and about you. If you need to talk to someone when you hit those ugly "black" spot, then do it, do NOT keep that shit inside as it's only poisoning you more. If you feel you need someone different to talk to, you can always talk to me as I've been there before and I beat it. I'm a good listener and can help give you insights as to how to beat it also. DO NOT - I repeat, DO NOT attempt to kill yourself. Death is the coward's way out, and you are the furthest thing from a coward!!! Not to mention, think of those you'll be hurting most if you die... The pain that you will burden your friends with is not worth it, neither is death. Your still young and have your whole life ahead of you. You've got talents and skills with your music, so use it to it's fullest potentials. You've got friends close by and friends here that give a .... and will always be here to listen if you need to vent.

But what I've mentioned above are the things to start looking into and to saving yourself and your sanity before shit gets really bad. The only one that's gonna make things happen is yourself. Just like the corny line from Ferris Beuller's Day Off goes: "If you put your mind to it, you can accomplish ANYTHING!!!" It's the truth man. So start looking at how to get out of that house and away from your mother before she kills you with the stress or you kill her from snapping and losing it. The ball's in your court, time to run with it and make shit happen for yourself.

If you'd like to be able to talk to me sometime, send me a PM and I'll give you my email and phone #. I'll always be there to help a friend and fellow musician in need. I'm sure there's others here that are willing and would do the same. For me, my music and my gear I value MORE than my life. My music IS my life. Hard work, dedication and preservernce will get you thru this. Just alaway remember to do the right thing and don't kill yourself. We're all here if you need us!!!
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Unread 05-19-2011, 03:07 PM   #37
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Booze & PT's voyage 34 offered me a nice escape for awhile, but eventually I needed more and more of it to feel the effects. Very rigorous exercise helps me with mine, rigorous to the point where I really feel dazed for 30min- hour after. I'm also more relaxed and less anxious after too.
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Unread 05-24-2011, 02:22 AM   #38
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Well, Wednesday is here. It has been 6 days since I was released from the hospital late Wednesday night last week after I tried and nearly succeeded in killing myself last Tuesday night. An entire bottle of sleeping pills really takes a toll on one's body. And my mind for that matter. I am still not better physically or mentally from that incident. It is a very painful way to die. Someone found me though.
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Unread 05-24-2011, 02:50 AM   #39
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jesus man...
you need to commit yourself to a hospital i think and get yourself better.
your a young man with your whole life ahead of you, you can get through this

...Each guitarist has an evil fat 40 year old blueswankler trying to get out, If you give in to temptation you'll be sitting next to a fender playing john lee hooker while trying to keep your combover in place.

-Desecrated

being black and enjoying watermelon, i think this thread needs more watermelon.
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Unread 05-24-2011, 03:10 AM   #40
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I had to lie to get out of the hospital last Wednesday. But my parents know the truth. While they appear to have lightened up a little, I am still being blamed for everything and they don't accept my depression, thinking I wanted attention. I think I would have done something a little less lethal and painful if I just wanted attention. I don't know what to do anymore.
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Unread 05-24-2011, 03:12 AM   #41
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man you shouldnt have lied to get out, if your home life is bad dont you think a hospital may be the best place for you at the moment? they will look after you and give you everything you need to get better

...Each guitarist has an evil fat 40 year old blueswankler trying to get out, If you give in to temptation you'll be sitting next to a fender playing john lee hooker while trying to keep your combover in place.

-Desecrated

being black and enjoying watermelon, i think this thread needs more watermelon.
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Unread 05-24-2011, 03:19 AM   #42
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Maybe so. You are probably right. I shouldn't have jumped right back into life as fast as I did. But I didn't know what to do. And now I really don't know what to do. I don't think going back tithe hospital is an option, but talking to a counselor, what should I ask? How should I make it through these last tough weeks of school without giving up and breaking down? My girl will be gone in two weeks. What will I do then?
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Unread 05-24-2011, 03:44 AM   #43
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when you see the counciller you just need to talk to them, i have found that often when you start talking to someone in that sort of environment you find it hard to stop talking, which is a good thing as it might help both of you to understand what your going through. if you dont feel comfortable going by yourself you could always ask your gitl to come with you. honestly man you cant worry about high school atm, you just need to focus on getting yourself better.

...Each guitarist has an evil fat 40 year old blueswankler trying to get out, If you give in to temptation you'll be sitting next to a fender playing john lee hooker while trying to keep your combover in place.

-Desecrated

being black and enjoying watermelon, i think this thread needs more watermelon.
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Unread 05-24-2011, 04:12 AM   #44
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Thanks for the advice for the counselor. As for school, i'm not sure how to not worry about it. Perfection in school is expected of me. Dropping off the map for a few days because or my suicide attempt a week before finals hasn't been good for me.
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Unread 05-24-2011, 04:24 AM   #45
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im sure if the school were informed that you have severe depression there would be certain allowences they could make for you, and im sure they could keep it discreet as well. your life is worth ALOT more than possibly upsetting your school.
im sure you could get resits and/or special consideration for your situation.

...Each guitarist has an evil fat 40 year old blueswankler trying to get out, If you give in to temptation you'll be sitting next to a fender playing john lee hooker while trying to keep your combover in place.

-Desecrated

being black and enjoying watermelon, i think this thread needs more watermelon.
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Unread 05-24-2011, 10:24 AM   #46
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No, they haven't been notified, but alright.
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Unread 05-24-2011, 10:51 AM   #47
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Originally Posted by RGD MIKE View Post
I have extremely severe depression(as told by a counselor i was forced to see by concerned friends), resulting from years of physical, emotional, and verbal abuse at home combined with other events, i haven't been truly happy in a very long time, except for going the occasional show i am allowed to to, and the happiness is gone and i take a pitfall as soon as i get back home. what do you guys do to cope with depression? When get so far along that you don't even have the desire to play guitar anymore? i feel like an empty soul. i don't eat, i don't play guitar much, i find it hard to sleep, and I barely make it through each day. what can i do? what do you guys do? thanks much.
Bro, I hurt for you. I can't imagine how tough this is for you. I pray that you will seek my Savior to heal your heart and fill what you feel is an empty soul.

I say these things by the power of my God and His word. He is a restorer.

Quote:
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."
Matthew 11:28
Quote:
"I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten,
the hopper, the destroyer, and the cutter, my great army, which I sent among you."
Joel 2:25
Quote:
"For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life."
John 3:16
Quote:
1 O Lord, I have come to you for protection;
don’t let me be disgraced.
Save me, for you do what is right.
2 Turn your ear to listen to me;
rescue me quickly.
Be my rock of protection,
a fortress where I will be safe.
3 You are my rock and my fortress.
For the honor of your name, lead me out of this danger.
4 Pull me from the trap my enemies set for me,
for I find protection in you alone.
5 I entrust my spirit into your hand.
Rescue me, Lord, for you are a faithful God.
Psalm 31:1-5
PM me or Xiphos68 if you have any questions or prayer requests. I'll be praying for your burdens, bro.

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Unread 05-24-2011, 11:13 AM   #48
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i use medication.

you may have a chemical imbalance. go to real doc brother
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Unread 05-24-2011, 11:57 AM   #49
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Semi joke: Aren't you the dude w/ the HILARIOUS mom? That video you posted definitely helped me out when I was having a bad day...

On a more serious note this is a pretty delicate question... A lot of the time when I'm feeling down I try to find a way to view my situation objectively. What is making me unhappy? How do I get rid of it?

I know it's always easier said than done, but the mind is capable of overcoming just about any earthly obstacle you can throw at it. Just try to take life one day at a time. Rome wasn't built in a night.

Do you feel like the counselling you underwent was helpful in any way? What did you like about it? What didn't you like about it? Perhaps you shoud shop around for therapists. I'm sure some may be better suited for your than others. If nothing else you've got ppl here you can talk to. I'd guess the majority of us aren't professional head shrinkers but you've trusted us enough thus far... Gotta count for something, right?

Take care, homie.



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Unread 05-24-2011, 01:01 PM   #50
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Konfyouzd View Post
Semi joke: Aren't you the dude w/ the HILARIOUS mom? That video you posted definitely helped me out when I was having a bad day...

On a more serious note this is a pretty delicate question... A lot of the time when I'm feeling down I try to find a way to view my situation objectively. What is making me unhappy? How do I get rid of it?

I know it's always easier said than done, but the mind is capable of overcoming just about any earthly obstacle you can throw at it. Just try to take life one day at a time. Rome wasn't built in a night.

Do you feel like the counselling you underwent was helpful in any way? What did you like about it? What didn't you like about it? Perhaps you shoud shop around for therapists. I'm sure some may be better suited for your than others. If nothing else you've got ppl here you can talk to. I'd guess the majority of us aren't professional head shrinkers but you've trusted us enough thus far... Gotta count for something, right?

Take care, homie.
Yes that is me. The video was her.

On the objective thoughts, yes. I spend hours awake in bed at night trying to figure out what I did wrong or what could have caused what is going on. I never can come to a conclusion.

I'm not sure the one counseling appt I went through was helpful because my mom canceled the follow up appointment a few days after the first one because I wasn't happy so I don't know. I surely am going to have to go to counseling now because of what I did last Tuesday, so Maybe we will see.
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