[Gilbucci]

I've always struggled with this, and now it's starting to really piss me off. I am always so critical of myself, and way too observant. It's to the point where if I don't think I look good, I won't go out. I am always thinking of what people think of me, and how they perceive me, and I am so totally fed up with it. I am thinking it's because of my weight (I'm 6''1 and 190-195lbs) but, I think there's more to it than that. Can anyone offer up some advice?

[stuh84]

The only thing you can do really is learn to not care. At the end of the day, you aren't psychic, so you don't actually KNOW what people think, its all speculation, so why care what they think if you'll never know what they have in their minds anyway?

Shying away from people will not help, its what I used to do when I had low self esteem, and it was the worse thing I could have done, as it just perpetuates that problem rather than exaserbates it.

The only thing I would think about is, what are the kind of people you surround yourself with, is it supportive people or generic "friends" who spend most of their time ripping on you? I was surrounded with people like that, and its what brought me down, getting away from them helped a lot.

Finally, are you in any band of some description? Being in a band was what started my self confidence raise, as at gigs people always tend to want to talk to you if you put on a good show. It took a great deal more than being in a band, but it sure as hell never harmed it all

[Ken]

I've stuggled with this for years, and continue to do so. It's affected many areas of my life. Looking back, I've always craved the approval of others, even if it meant my own unhappiness.

What I've come to realize is this: there's no sense in worrying about peoples' opinions because they won't tell me what they really think anyway. They'll run off and tell everyone except me.

When it comes to work, I've always needed to feel secure in my job. I would always say and do whatever people wanted so that they would need me. I've since started a savings account and have enough money to last a few months if I need to, so I value my job but I stand up for myself without fear of losing my job.

When it comes to guitar playing, well, I'm working on that. I've always tried to impress people, but I'm always afraid people are judging me so I concentrate more on what they might be thinking than I do actually playing the guitar.

It sounds twisted, I know, but for me it's ultimately about learning who I really am and embracing that person. I'm learning to let my guard down, let go of my control freak tendencies, and give myself permission to play as slow as I want to.

You should head over to Coping.org, Tools for coping with life's stressors, and remember to be honest with yourself or you're just wasting your time.

[Michael]

I used to have the same problem when I was around your age, Mike. I still do, but nowhere near as bad as it was back then. Now that I'm a little older I've learnt that random people in public judge you about as much as you judge them (more of a personal belief, mind you), which for me was hardly at all. So just don't worry about it. Put your focus on people who you enjoy being around.

I'm still shy as fuck. I don't expect to be liked by everyone, so it's not an acceptance thing, but I'm just very reserved.

[K7_Munky]

dude you cant go through life caring about what people think about you thats just a waste of your time we all have flaws no ones perfect just go out and have a good time there will be those who like you and others who dont but their just haters. you gotta feel good about yourself other wise you'll be miserable so I say fuck what others think.

[Durero]

Well I think what you're experiencing is a really common thing man. I certainly felt that way early on in high school, and it gradually diminished from there.

I'd make sure that you keep telling yourself that you're not alone and that many people have these feelings. Even if you already understand this intellectually the subconscious mind can be stubborn and cling to insecurities so just keep repeating to yourself that you're not the only one.

It can also help to take small steps to face the issue whenever you can. For example if you're not feeling up to going out with friends, go for a short walk by yourself anyway. Or go to a public place like a park, library, store, cafe, or something, just to show yourself that it's ok to be around people.

(my 2¢)

[s7eve]

There are people who have gone through life with low self esteem and never really done anything until an unfortunate event has caused them to be incapacitated (lost limbs etc.), after the event some of these have gone on to become some of the most remarkable people living some of the most fulfilling lives in our society. When interviewed they have said they wished to prove that a handicapped person could do anything a normal person could.

It has always been my opinion that if you are born with a fully functioning body there is no reason you can not do almost anything just as good as anyone else. I accept that I am responsible for who I am today.

As far as the approval of others goes, I don't give a shit what people think about me because I am comfortable with who I am. I choose who I want to be and I refuse to be something fake to receive approval or make more friends, I think that if people don't like me for who I am then I probably would not like them as friends. I have very few close friends and I am happy. 95% of people I know think I need a haircut but I like it, I'll cut it when I stop liking it not because others think I look better with short hair.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that you need to be who you want to be first and foremost, if you don't like something about yourself change it, if it's a weight issue, lose weight it's easy enough to do. But don't lose weight for other people to like you, if you like the way you look now fuck what other people think, your the one who has to live with it every day.

Take control of your life and don't let life or other people control you. Just get out there and do the things that you enjoy and make you happy, along the way you will meet like minded people, you will make friends and you will lose friends, it's all part of life.

Another important part of being alive is moving out of you comfort zone, challenging yourself and trying new things, it's in those moments that you truly feel alive. A girl I dated years ago played mixed netball and I went along to support her, I remember thinking what a gay sport it was then on the second or third week a team was down a player and asked me to play, I reluctantly agreed and they paid all my fees for me. I had an incredible time and continued to play. The thing is I was there more than anyone else as my girl and I played on different teams so we had to wait for each other. As a result another team asked me to play for them because one of their players moved away for work. At the end of the year the two teams I played for met each other in the final and I had to choose between them. It was a choice between a team that had not lost in 7 years and a team that just played for fun and I had made some good friends on. I went for the fun team but it was the final and they got hungry, the first half was not fun at all, we were getting walloped, everyone was getting real worked up and the team started to turn on me because I wasn't taking it serious enough and they wanted to win. At this point I snapped, I reminded them why I wanted to play with them and that if we were not having fun that it was not worth playing, after 3/4 of the game we were way down but I finally got through to them and we had an absolute ball, it was an incredible way to end the season. I made some great friends that year and it still stands as some of the most memorable and fun moments of my life, oh and it's a great way to meet girls. One more thing,








































































































































































WE WON!

[WarriorOfMetal]

Originally Posted by Gilbucci

I've always struggled with this, and now it's starting to really piss me off. I am always so critical of myself, and way too observant. It's to the point where if I don't think I look good, I won't go out. I am always thinking of what people think of me, and how they perceive me, and I am so totally fed up with it. I am thinking it's because of my weight (I'm 6''1 and 190-195lbs) but, I think there's more to it than that. Can anyone offer up some advice?

are you suggesting that you're too thin, or something? those proportions don't seem all that out of line to me in terms of being too heavy, because i'm about 5'6" and a little over 200lbs...not obese, but a little bit overweight. it's never bothered me enough to actively try to lose weight by means of a diet or extra exercise or anything.

i have been a bit self-conscious about my body, though. not in terms of not wanting to leave the house if i don't look "good," but just thinking that i'm generally not very attractive.

now...you or others may think i'm crazy for suggesting this, but one way to get comfortable with your body would be to look into nudism. a large part of what they're about is body acceptance, and i understand that as far as body shape, features, etc. are concerned, you'll never be judged in a nudist environment. i don't have any personal experience with being in large groups of naked people, but i've read about it, and after a friend kinda prompted me to do it, i started spending a lot of time naked around the house. it's not inherently a sexual thing...just, for example, if you're not going anywhere right after a shower, take your time before getting dressed. if you have a full-length mirror, look at yourself in it, get used to the idea of seeing yourself naked and the feeling of it. if you have family/roommates who are understanding and supportive, even better. my roommate, for example, generally has no objections to me going around wearing as much or as little as i want...it's great with the summer heat, too.

overall, it's helped my self confidence a lot, and while it probably wouldn't work for everyone, i think it might be worth a shot

[Gilbucci]

Thanks a ton for the replies guys, I really appreciate them all.

@WarriorOfMetal; I am not 'fat' by any means, but I have a bit of a gut, and I hate the feeling of having to suck it in to look good. I know I want to lose weight, but I just know that in the end, I won't stick to any diet/exercise plan.

[FYP666]

I'm 180 cm, and i weight 85 kilos. I'd like to be more ''thin'', but if weight is power, then overweight is... MOARPOWER!

Anyways, I still have the same problem. I've performed in front of 500 people, but i started hating myself because it bothered me so much, and i got stressed because of that as well! So, what i did, was that way i think now, is that i have friends and people that like me, that i'm gonna spend my life through with, and the other people are basicly bunch of dudes who are mostly assholes, that can suck my majestetical dick, but sometimes there pops up a person who is nice! So, what i mean is, when for example your performing, or just hanging out with your friends, if anyone bothers you, say to him/her right on with and attitude ''in-your-face'', because no one, and i tell you no one, is better person than you, or anyone else!