[Nik]

I think that maybe I'm just not destined to be in a band.

So we met this drummer through myspace 4 months ago. He was into Dream Theater and all the bands that I was into, and he could play their stuff. He also had 2 drumkits, one of which was wired to record. So basically, he had the right attitude, the right equipment, and most importantly, the talent. And all was good.

Then he had to get his leg operated and was out of commission for a while, but we worked with him, and he got back in shape.

One thing I noticed was that he never answered our e-mails... ever. I would write, "Hey man, we jamming tomorrow, get back to me with a 'yes' or 'no' ASAP." And I would never get an answer. We would call him and rarely be able to get in touch with him. Most of the time his phone would ring and ring and no one would pick up. There would be periods where we couldn't contact him for as long as 3-4 weeks.

Now, he's had problems and things, and we gave him the benefit of doubt. But I would look on his myspace and see that he is actually logging into his myspace every single day, so there's no way he's missing our messages. At one point, my bassist ended up sending him the same message 25 times in order to prompt a reply by way of annoyance.

The first time this happened, we decided not to talk to him about this issue. He was still new to the band, so we figured that when he got to know us better and we became better friends, then he'd be more inclined to answer our e-mails and phone calls. Plus, he's such a nice guy that we couldn't bear to have such a talk with him.

Now it's happened again; we made plans for this Saturday last week, and he again failed to follow through. He said that he'd call my bassist back this morning. My bassist waiting 1 hour, then 2. No call every came. And yet we could see that he was on-line on his myspace. Stuff like this happening once wouldn't bother me, but this has been happening as long as we've known him

By these actions I get the impression he's not interested in being in the band, and yet when we talk to him in person, he seems very enthusiastic about it. He's slowing the band down-big time. And if he's really not interested in the band, that means we've wasted 4 months of progress with him, while we could've been looking for a new drummer.

Music is my favorite thing in the world; I spend 100% of my free time doing music, and the jams we had with him was what I would look forward to the most during my entire week. So when he backs down from his promises I can't help but feel bad.

We wrote him an e-mail today:

For the 20th time in a row now, you have fallen back on your promises and failed to respond to our messages. We realize that in life stuff comes up from time to time, but it's sad when we make plans a week ahead of time and you fail to follow through. It's also sad that you promised KC to call him and you never did.

For us, this creates the illusion that you're not really interested in pursuing this band thing any further. Quite frankly, you are slowing the band down. Look at it from our point of view: I devote 100% of my free time writing, recording, and trying to get the band off the ground, and KC also invests a majority of his time into the band. So maybe you can see why we're pretty pissed off right now.

We're not asking you for the same sort of devotion as we put in; but I don't think asking for 1 jam per week is asking too much. I don't think asking you to follow up on your promises and respond to our calls and e-mails is asking too much of you.

You're cool and all, but right now you're slowing the band down, and that's something we really can't afford. If this is all a big misunderstanding or if you are genuinely interested in being in the band, then that's fine; we are willing to wipe the slate clean and forget this whole thing ever happened if you promise to stop being so flaky from now on (and actually follow through on this promise.)

I hate having to write you this e-mail, it's really hard for me, but at this rate the band is getting nowhere, and it's crucial that we get this sorted in order for the band to continue.

We want this band to get somewhere; if possible, we'd like to do it as a profession later in life and we're committed to that belief. Are you willing to commit yourself and start working for the band, or are you not interested?

If you are interested in continuing to play with us, the first step would to respond to this e-mail or give us a call. If you don't respond to this e-mail, we'll know that you are no longer interested in being in the band.

Please get back to us ASAP!!!

--Nik
~KC

Am I justified in getting angry or no? Am I overreacting? Do you think I'm right in feeling this way?

Sorry for the long post, but I really had to vent somewhere Sometimes I think I'm not fit for a band.

[Jason]

Dude welcome to the club. Pick up the god damn phone and call. PERIOD. i hate people this is one of the reason im not in a band atm.

[nyck]

Nik, you were right in emailing him that. There's nothing worse than bad communication. Keep us updated.

[guitarjitsumaster]

Yea, it seems to me when a bandmate doesnt communicate and return calls and mail. Its a sure sign of responsibility and follow through issues. Either there in the middle of the road about the band and wanting to be detached and non-commital or there just not a dedicated type person. Personally I make communication a big issue because when your in a band its like a family. You have to be on the same page or nothing is going to work. I feel your frustration, I lost a bass player today because of the same issue

[Naren]

You were definitely justified in doing that. I'm actually thinking of quitting my band right now partially because of that. This type of thing has happened to me in about 3 bands so far up until now and I quit 2 of those bands specifically because of it. It's something that really pisses me off that I can't take.

Looks like time to start looking for a new drummer.

[Korbain]

the joys of trying to find the right band members lol.

[The Dark Wolf]

^ NO SHIT!


I think we've all been through this, bro. It can be frustrating as hell. I'd say this guy is probably not a good bet. At this point, for me, I see qany sign of that nonsense, and I basically cut. Think about it like a job. If you were a boss, would you keep somebody with those kinds of work habits?

[Rick]

Originally Posted by Korbain

the joys of trying to find the right band members lol.

Yep. I know all about that.

[shredfreak]

Originally Posted by rg7420user

Yep. I know all about that.

Share the sentiment with you man.

@nik: you'v been really friendly to that guy, think i would've freaked after all that stuff you've been, through with him.

Not really in a similar situation, but anyhow.
Me and a friend are gonna start a band and we're not even going to look for a drummer probably. Just emailed this one guitarplayer and if he doesn't come through, it's just the 2 of us ... With me playing all guitars, bass too possibly and programming the drums&synths. We're both sick of the fact that we can't do our own thing or that we get ourselves into situation like nik here. So there's a good chanche the first few gigs will be the 2 of us playing along with a cd or something similar

[Nik]

Thanks for your comments guys! It's a fairly complex issue in some ways and I wasn't sure how to judge it.

There's more aspects to all this--as I mentioned, he seems EXTREMELY enthusiastic about the band when we talk in person, and his taste in music and his talent--it's all so perfect that it'll be a major blow if we have to let him go.

Another thing that bugs me about him: up until we let him into our band, he was a solo artist--he has drums, bass, guitar, and he would play all the instruments and make his own music. And that's understandable, I used to do the same thing.

So, he's been in the band about 4 months now, and last week we jammed with him. When I got over to his house, what do I see? It turns out that he's just dropped a shitload of cash on a Mesa Boogie F-50 guitar amplifier for his guitar. So basically, my drummer has a better guitar amp than me.

This also kind of bothered me. I mean, that's like me dropping a pile of cash on buying myself a drum kit, even though I have a drummer in my band I can see why he'd do this before he was in a band, but now that we're in this band together, doesn't that mean that the guitar duties are left to me? It seems that he's more interested in playing/recording his own stuff...

But yeah, I agree, finding the perfect band-member is hard, but this guy seemed so perfect, apart from this major communication issue... Oh well. He's logged onto to myspace right now, still no reply... Asking him to type a "yes" or "no" reply is not asking that much--what does it take, like 5 seconds???

shredfreak: good luck man The finished product in music is all that matters. Still, there's just something magic to jamming out with a drummer... Gah, this sucks--All I want to do is make music!!!